


Build you Back

by Animepaige



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Genji Shimada is a Little Shit, Hurt/Comfort, I'll add more later to avoid spoilers, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Memory Loss, Rock Star Genji Shimada, Rock star Jesse Mccree, Slow Burn, background Reaper76 - Freeform, young mchanzo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-01-27 19:53:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 47,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21397744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Animepaige/pseuds/Animepaige
Summary: Hanzo felt his chest tighten and his brows furrowed as he stared at the date. This date truly upset him. He closed his eyes, trying to will away the dark memories of his past. No. They weren't all dark. Quite the opposite actually. It was a time were he felt as if he was truly at peace. A time were he felt that the ground he stood on could collapse away and he'd be safe with those large arms around-- sinking into those amber eyes-- haphazard brown locks-- sweet drawl dipped in honey-- NO. Hanzo grit his teeth as he let a harsh sigh pass between them. He brought up a hand to massage his temples. It had been 15 years since... it happened. He felt his chest and throat tighten. Why was he still like this? It's been 15 fucking years! He bit his lip and tried to calm himself. Whatever emotion was bubbling up, anger? Hatred? Sadness? He didn't like it.AKA: Hanzo is trying to get his life back together after something in his past practically ruined him emotionally and mentally. His first love is haunting his thoughts and as much as he's mad at him, he still misses him. However, when they meet again, something isn't quite right.Italicized means Japanese!
Comments: 39
Kudos: 100





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction in 10 years. Comments appreciated!! <3

“_Dono yōna sekai de...”_ the older Japanese man hissed as he glared at his computer screen. English wasn't his first language, his job reminds him of this all too often. However... **this was incomprehensible**_. _He continued to glare at the screen as if the daggers from his eyes would somehow make him understand what was being said. In the end, he silently sighed to himself as he closed his laptop. It was about lunch anyway. He'd call the writer later to clear up many details. The chair he had been sitting on for the past few hours squeaked as he stood and made his way to the break room. He dug in the fridge for the bento clearly labeled 'Hanzo' but couldn't find it. His eyebrow twitched at the sound of harsh chuckles from outside the room. Workplace bullying...? Really? He rolled his eyes as he pulled out his phone. This wasn't the first time someone had taken his lunch and he doubt it was the last. Part of him pondered if he should maybe just go out for lunch everyday but ultimately discarded the thought. His schedule was too full to think such foolish thoughts. Instead, he moved out of the break room and up toward the roof with his phone to his ear. There was ringing for a moment before the person on the other line finally picked up.

“Yo!” rang out of the receiver in a chipper but accented voice similar to that of his own. Hanzo couldn't help the small sigh that escaped his lips. There was a pause before the voice on the other line spoke again, “_Did it happen again?_”

“_...Perhaps._”

“_Aniki! You can't let this happen! How many times has this happened this month?_” Hanzo just sighed and shook his head as if his brother was actually present. He had picked up on the tone of his brother's voice and could tell he was excited about something. Perhaps talking to him about it would help himself to relax. “_Genji. Are you available right now?_”

“_Eh? I mean... I'm not doing anything if that's what you mean._”  
  
“_Excellent. Meet me at the ramen shop down the street from my office in 10 minutes? And yes. I'll pay._” Hanzo heard what he could only assume was the phone dropping as Genji rushed to get dressed. Hanzo couldn't help the small quirks at the corners of his mouth forming into a slight smile. They may be in their 30s now but Genji didn't seem to age a day. Hanzo hung up his phone and pushed himself upright, fixing his clothes before turning to leave for the shop.

Hanzo arrived 8 minutes after his call to his brother. He checked the clock on his phone as he waited. It read 'Wednesday, June 24th 12:38PM'. Hanzo felt his chest tighten and his brows furrowed as he stared at the date. This date truly upset him. He closed his eyes, trying to will away the dark memories of his past. No. They weren't all dark. Quite the opposite actually. It was a time were he felt as if he was truly at peace. A time were he felt that the ground he stood on could collapse away and he'd be safe with those large arms around-- sinking into those amber eyes-- haphazard brown locks-- sweet drawl dipped in honey-- NO. Hanzo grit his teeth as he let a harsh sigh pass between them. He brought up a hand to massage his temples. It had been 15 years since... _it_ happened. He felt his chest and throat tighten. Why was he still like this? It's been 15 fucking years! He bit his lip and tried to calm himself. Whatever emotion was bubbling up, anger? Hatred? Sadness? He didn't like it.

He heard the sound of hurried but silent steps approaching quickly. He rushed to school his expression before turning to his brother who had obviously ran the whole way there. Once Genji was in front of him, he took a moment to catch his breath which amused Hanzo to some degree. To see his brother so excited over a common thing such as ramen.

Once Genji had collected himself, he grabbed Hanzo's arm and dragged him inside. Hanzo didn't really try to shake him off as he was used to this now. For years, Hanzo had no contact to his little brother. They had a falling out in their youth when Genji decided to go abroad to Nepal instead of America with his brother. Both, Hanzo and their father, were furious at him for his defiance but, deep down, Hanzo understood. Their father never let them do much of anything of their own volition. Everything in their lives was planned out; like they were pets rather than his children. Shortly after Hanzo had received word of his father's passing, Genji contacted him... well.. perhaps **contacted** isn't the proper word.

They had already had no contact for 10 years but on the night of Hanzo's 30th birthday, he awoke to sounds in his first floor apartment. He was quick to get up and reach for his bow only to remember he had left it in the entryway after he came home exhausted from the firing range. **Careless**_. _He looked to his dresser where he had placed one of his recent purchases. It was a short sword, a Wakizashi. Hanzo had remembered his brother had always had a fondness for the sword as well as the Katana. Trying to remain quiet on the old floor, the sword was grabbed and unsheathed as Hanzo placed his ear toward his bedroom door.

The sound of paper rustling from the kitchen and the sound of the fridge? He was confused. Did a homeless person break into his home to raid his fridge? His brows furrowed as he slowly opened his bedroom door. The lights in the kitchen down the hall were definitely on. His grip on the short sword tightened. No one breaks into the home of Hanzo Shimada. He darted around the corner quickly, tackling the intruded to the ground and holding the sword to their neck. His eyes took a moment to adjust the the white light of the kitchen but the first thing he managed to make out was bright green hair. His gaze shifted lower as he came face to face with his brother's nervous lopsided grin. Hanzo just sat there for a moment before speaking, “...Genji?” Genji seemed relieved when the sword was moved away from his neck, “Heya bro!” Genji happily chimed back after collecting himself some. Hanzo stood up and extended a hand for his little brother.

They spoke for a while after Hanzo had made some of the tea that Genji had brought with him from Japan, thus the paper bags he had heard. Genji told him that he had finished what he was doing in Nepal some time ago but was unsure whether to seek him out after their parting. That changed however when father had passed. Genji said he realized that it was just him and Hanzo now. Both parents gone and a quickly crumbling distant family. Genji was first to apologize for his behaviors but Hanzo stopped him with a pillow to his face. It wasn't hard but it was enough to knock Genji more onto the couch he was sitting on. He removed the pillow, looking at it before looking up to his brother that was already heading for his own room. “I have work in the morning.” He said flatly and turned his back to his brother, stopping at the doorway. Genji cocked his head ever so slight at his brother when Hanzo turned his head some to look at him over his shoulder. “...Mistakes were made by both parties.” was all Hanzo said before disappearing into his room. Hanzo had caught a glimpse of the warm smile that formed on Genji's face before he left. It brought warmth to his otherwise cold dead heart and made him smile a bit too.

Shortly after this odd reunion, the brothers decided to live together but there wasn't enough space in Hanzo's one bed one bath apartment. Hanzo was annoyed. It would take months to save enough to upgrade. When he confessed this to Genji, a telltale shit-eating grin slowly formed on his face. Genji showed Hanzo a private bank account with a large sum of money that Genji had pilfered from the family over the years. With that money, the brothers were able to move to a nice small suburban neighborhood. The house wasn't anywhere near the size of their childhood home had been but it was still much too large for them. Genji insisted that they need the space for Genji's newest dream. Genji wanted to be a musician in a band. Hanzo never thought of his brother being into such things. He figured he'd pursue something in the gaming industry. Regardless of Hanzo's opinions, this was Genji's money and Genji's life and he wanted to be supportive.

Moving into the home and furnishing it had used most of the money. The rest was set aside for emergencies despite Genji's whining. The house appeared normal and plain on the outside but the inside seemed to be somewhat inspired by modern Japanese architecture which made Hanzo more happy than he'd ever admit to his brother. He missed home.

The backyard and large wall fence also made for a much more serene firing range. At the range he went to often, it was always so dirty and loud from rednecks showing off their obnoxious guns and poking fun at him for his bow. It seemed that letting Genji into his life was helping to ease the raging storm that his life had become--

“_Anikiiiiii!_” Genji whined loudly, causing a jolt from Hanzo who hadn't been responding to him for the past 10 minutes. “_Ah..yes?_”

“_Oh good. You're not dead. The way your eyes were staring off into space, I thought I had lost you._” Genji teased and Hanzo huffed and took a bite of his food that had gone somewhat cold but he didn't comment. Hanzo watched his brother. Wide grin, bright eyes, fidgety. Hanzo lowered his chopsticks, “_Did something happen?_” He asked flatly. Genji's eyes light up, “_Did something happen? YEAH something happened and its amazing!_” Genji yelled loudly, drawing attention to them. Hanzo tugged on his brother's ear, nearly pulling him off the stool next to him. Genji whined and rubbed his ear when he was released. If Hanzo wasn't there when Genji was born, he wouldn't believe that this man was 35.

“_Gee thanks aniki.._” Genji grumbled but his smile was quickly returning. “_And if you must know... I might be joining a band soon~_.” Genji cooed with a grin that was no doubt from Hanzo's surprise. Genji had been trying to get into a band for about 6 years now without much luck. Hanzo couldn't hide the small smile that formed on his lips.

Hanzo listened silently to Genji go on and on about the band called 'Blackwatch'. Apparently, the lead of the band had released a single called 'Wanted with a $10 Million Bounty' and it was a rousing success. It was a country album but the lead assured Genji over the phone that they were aiming to branch into more rock themes. Not that it was a problem. Genji could play any instrument given enough time with it.

After the meal, Hanzo pulled out two $20 bills from his wallet and handed them to Genji, “I will not be home until late tonight so feel free to celebrate without me. However, if you get sake, do please save me some this time.” He teased. Genji beamed and wrapped an arm around his brother's shoulders in a hug before running off toward home. Hanzo let out a low chuckle as he paid for their meal and returned to work.

Hanzo sighed when he returned to his desk. Being an editor for a magazine was difficult. Not because he was Japanese. No, it was because he was a 38 year old man editing a magazine geared toward young adults, mostly female. Hanzo didn't want this job to be honest but they were the only ones who would hire him with his past the way it was. He was 98% sure that the only reason he was hired was because the interviewer seemed attracted to him. Either way, he had a job and if it meant being eye candy for those around the office then so be it. Hanzo wanted to pursue a career in the creative arts. Mostly painting and writing. They were always passions for him, however, the world is not kind. The world? Bah. It wasn't the world rejecting his art but himself. He didn't see any of it as good enough and never submitted any of his work. Genji would pester him about it but a glare was enough to silence him. Who would want to read the words from a criminal anyway? Those thoughts made his hands freeze on his keyboard and stare blankly at the screen for a moment. He leaned back and gave himself a moment to breath before working again. Ignore all distractions.

It was around 1am when Hanzo finally returned home. It seemed to be his job to make sure everything was done before he left. If not, HE would take the hit for it even if it wasn't his work. He knows its not right but its hard to find work as an ex-convict that isn't minimum wage or pointless physical labor. By time he got off, the buses had stopped and his phone was dead, unable to call a taxi. His charger was missing from his desk again. He ended up walking home. It wasn't a long walk but it was uncomfortable in his work attire on such a hot and humid night. He even pondered just sleeping in the street seeing as he had to be in at 6am anyway. He quickly shook his head and stormed home.

He let his work bag drop to the floor in the entrance, his shoes discarded haphazardly as he stumbled inside as quiet as possible. In the glow of the kitchen's dim lights, he sees a sake bottle with a glass near it. He smiles and silently thanks his brother. The bottle is gone quickly and Hanzo is dead asleep on the couch, not having the energy to get to his room. He doesn't have to worry about being late. His dreams never let him sleep for more than 4 hours anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

Genji watched his brother wake up at 5am sharp. This wasn't unusual but neither was the panic in his face; the pain in his expression that he'd swallow after grounding himself in reality. Genji learned to not ask after the first few times he tried. 'Who hurt you, Aniki..?' was all that crossed Genji's mind as he watched his brother rush into a cold shower.

Genji got breakfast ready while Hanzo got ready. He was usually the one to do chores since Hanzo was adamant about him not working. He wanted for Genji to focus on his dream. Aside from paying for the house, Hanzo swore that he'd cover any bills that arose. Genji tried to argue obviously but Hanzo is the most stubborn person he knew. Nothing he said would change his mind.

Hanzo wandered into the kitchen, trying to eat and button up his dress shirt at the same time. He wasn't late but he didn't like to push it either. Genji could only sigh as he washed dishes. Once Hanzo was ready, he moved to grab something off the island, per routine, only to realize there was nothing there. He looked to Genji for a moment with slight confusion and Genji couldn't help but grin. “_I'll bring it to you later. I have to go get groceries for it. Maybe we can even eat together!_” Genji gave him his brightest smile. Hanzo only mustered a small noise of acknowledgment before quickly going to the door. He said a soft goodbye before rushing out the door. Genji felt himself deflate as a concerned expression sunk into his face. He was so worried about him. “_Why does June make you so sad, Aniki?_” In the years they've lived together, he's noticed the pattern. Every June, Hanzo would become distracted, even pained at times, by some unseen wound. It would get worse toward the end of the month and as soon as July 6th would hit, he'd be fine. It's like he's under a trance of some kind. Hanzo had obviously told him some things about when they were apart but there was a 6 year gap in his stories. He didn't speak of anything between ages 22-28. What happened? What happened to my brother? The question repeats in his head a few more times as he stands motionless in the kitchen. Suddenly, a loud ring comes from his phone, almost causing him to throw the small device to the ground. He quickly answers, “H-hello!” He internally kicks himself for stuttering when the deep voice on the other side of the line laughs. “Ya alright there darlin'? Did I call at a bad time?”

“Ah! No! But uh... who am I speaking to?” He was so startled that he forgot to check the caller ID. The man laughs a hardy laugh once more, “Joel Morricone-- Ya know what? Since ya part of us now, just call me Jesse. 's my actual name. Best not go 'round and tell e'eryone my real name or it might not end well for ya.” Jesse teased. Genji tried to relax a bit but he was just so excited to be talking to him. Genji had been following the man's path to stardom for years now and it was like a dream to finally speak to him.

“Anyways. The reason I was callin' cause I would like ta meet up and discuss details. I'ma be at a cafe a lil ways away from the address ya gave me. I'ma be there 'round 11:30. That alright with ya darlin'?”

Genji nodded but quickly realized he couldn't see it. He swallowed hard, “Yeah! That's fine!”  
  
“Perfect! See ya later then!” Jesse hung up the phone. Genji just stared at his phone in awe. Did that really just happen? Is this not a dream? He was going to work with a famous artist?? Genji jumped about the kitchen in cheer. Sure, he had found out the day prior that they liked his talent but it didn't really sink in. He ran to his room to get ready to meet his idol.

Genji stood in front of the cafe. He was 10 minutes early but he didn't mind waiting in the outdoor sitting area. His thoughts went to Hanzo again. If Hanzo knew he was worrying like this, he'd probably beat himself up over it. Genji didn't want that but he wanted Hanzo to be okay. He let out a loud sigh as he deflated once more, burying his head in his arms on the table. “Mighty long sigh fer someone who was so fulla energy this mornin'.” Genji jolted up at the voice and quickly turned to see a large man standing over him at over 6 foot. His eyes had stars as he looked him over. From the cowboy boot, silly belt all the way to the stetson on his head. His telltale prosthetic on his left arm was on display which had Genji worried that he'd be recognized and they'd have to get their meeting short but Joel-- Jesse, was a professional so he pushed the thoughts away. Genji was star struck for moment before shaking himself free from the daze. Jesse laughed and sat down across from him, “What's the matta? Cat gotcha tongue--” Jesse froze when he finally looked into Genji's face. He seemed to be searching for something before quickly shaking his head and returning to his previous expression with a grin, “Ya doin' alright there?” Genji sat up and nodded but noted Jesse's odd reaction.

They talked for a while about the band, trying to help Genji feel like they've been friends for a while. They planned out some more meetings and even some studio times to see his talents in the flesh. While they were talking, Genji saw someone order a delicious looking muffin and suddenly was reminded that he forgot to eat breakfast. His stomach growled loudly which had the ninja blush just slightly. He was about to flag down a waiter but Jesse beat him to it, ordering the exact muffin Genji was eyeing. Genji blinked at the man who gave him a wide grin, “Least I can do fer draggin' ya out here last minute.” The muffin quickly arrives with a new coffee for Jesse and Genji happily digs into the baked delicacy. He wasn't as big a fan of sweets as his brother but he could appreciate a good muffin. The muffin was gone in no time and Genji smiled brightly at Jesse, “Thank you so much, Jesse!”. Jesse's expression falters again. He stares for a moment before seeming to get a pain in his head and rubbing his head. He tried to play it off as casual but you cannot fool a Shimada that easily. Genji tried to ask if he was okay but Jesse would only nod and change topics.

After a while, Jesse received a phone call and had to leave. Genji realizes the time and rushes to buy some lunch for his brother after giving the cowboy and quick goodbye. He settles for some salads at a nearby shop before rushing to his brother's work. As soon as he enters the building, he feels off. People turn to look at him. He usually draws attention due to his bright green hair but this felt malicious. Steeling his expression, he walks to the elevator, clicking the button for the 5th floor. When he steps off, he sees Hanzo walking toward the bathroom, a green stain settling into his shirt. It must have been his thermos of tea. But Genji knows Hanzo and knows he's not that clumsy. He hears laughing; people calling his aniki a clutz. His expression gives way to his anger and he takes a step closer before a hand is placed on his shoulder. Genji turns quick to see Hanzo who is just shaking his head and gesturing for him to follow him into the elevator. Genji growls low but follows.

They go up to the roof and Hanzo removes his wet shirt to dry it. There's red on his skin from the hot tea but Genji tries not to look, knowing Hanzo doesn't want him to. They both settle at a table with the salads. The roof of Hanzo's work had a few tables for employees but no one wanted to sit out in the June sun meaning the brothers could be alone. They ate in silence, both schooling their apparent anger. Genji knew how much Hanzo hated this job but didn't understand why he didn't find another one or why he was being picked on so much. There was other Asians working here so it wasn't racism. Genji bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself from asking. He didn't want to upset his brother on an already rough day. “_I got to meet Joel today!_” Genji started out of nowhere which seemed to snap Hanzo from his thoughts. Genji relaxed a bit. While his brother was confused, he saw some tension leave his shoulders. “_Joel Morricone! The singer and lead of the band I'm going to be with?_” Hanzo expression shifted to a small smile for just a moment but that was all Genji needed. Seeing his brother happy for him was all he needed; seeing him relax for a moment. Genji went on and on about Joel-- Jesse. He didn't tell Hanzo Jesse's real name. Hanzo wasn't the type to gossip obviously but Genji promised and he didn't want to mess this up. Hanzo didn't pay attention to music and didn't even know who Joel Morricone was but he didn't stop his brother's ramblings.

Time went fast, too fast. Hanzo's lunch was over before they knew it. Hanzo lifted his mostly dried shirt. There was still a faint green stain but Hanzo put the shirt back on anyway. Genji made a note to stay up to try and salvage the shirt at home. Hanzo usually tried to hide the bullying but it was too frequent to ignore. Genji was enraged but didn't act. He didn't want to upset his aniki. The brothers said their goodbyes in the elevator once they hit Hanzo's floor. Genji continued riding the elevator down to the lobby. He heard some harsh whispers from the hall near the elevators. Usually, Genji didn't snoop into rumors and gossip, well, not since returning from Nepal, but he had a bad feeling. He stood around the corner and listened to the men speak.

“Do you think they both do drugs and shit?” One voice asked in amusement. “I don't see why not. I mean... how many grams did he get caught with? There's no way they both don't do them. Even if they are just dealers, they'd have to do them too.” another voice chimed in. “But should you guys really judge? It was 15 years ago according to that record you found--” A soft spoken woman added before being interrupted, “Yeah and he spent 5 years in federal prison! He wouldn't have been arrested if he wasn't at fault!” the man boomed, “Besides, he has that weird air about him. I can't wait to see a tweaker snap~. I mean, did you see his face when you spilled his tea on him??” The men of the group laughed but the woman seemed uncomfortable.

Genji stared hard toward the floor, boring holes into it with his gaze alone. What were they talking about? His brother did no such things! He had half a mind to round that corner and beat them all to a pulp but he held himself against the wall, biting his lip hard enough to taste a small trickle of blood on his tongue. He quickly stormed out of the building while trying to seem as natural as possible. There was no way this was true. Genji was a bit more familiar with American slang than his brother and he was outraged than his brother was called a 'tweaker'. His brother didn't even act like one! Not to mention that aside from the occasional smoke or drink, his brother was clean of substances.

Genji didn't realize when he had gotten home while he was storming about. He just couldn't shake what was said. As he entered the kitchen, he shook from his thoughts as he realized he had forgotten to go to the store as promised. With a large sigh and a drop of his shoulders, Genji got to work making a list for the groceries. He tried to gear their groceries toward what Hanzo liked with a few snacks thrown in for himself. Making things that his brother liked was the least he could do. A thought crossed his mind for a moment. Did Hanzo even have any kizami for his kiseru? It could explain why the brother had been more stressed than normal. Genji went out the sliding door into the large backyard and to Hanzo's 'study'. In reality it was just a shed were Hanzo kept all his training equipment and went to relax. It wasn't rundown or anything it was just small; only 6' x 8' in area. Genji wished his brother could find such comfort inside but his brother had been alone for a long time. Perhaps he took solitude in the stillness. Genji checked for any kizami only to find none as he noticed the kiseru hadn't been used in quite some time. Genji wrote it down before quickly leaving his brother's space. He didn't mind intruding on his brother's space. Genji had been known to barge into Hanzo's room without a care to what his brother was doing. Hell, he's even barged in on him while he was in the bathroom. It usually wasn't for any real reason aside to be annoying and fluster his brother into a fit of anger. Hanzo's shed was different though. Genji felt he shouldn't be there. It felt private and if he ever needed Hanzo while he was inside, he'd call from the window instead. This shed was also were Hanzo did his writing and painting. When they first moved in together, Hanzo tried to hide his passions but his lovingly obnoxious little brother quickly found the hidden papers. Once Genji had found the papers is when he decided to stay away from the shed and leave Hanzo with the space to himself. That doesn't mean that he didn't pester his brother about submitting his work to get recognized for his talents. Genji didn't even try to hide that he knew. As soon as Hanzo had come home that day, he asked why he hid his talents. Hanzo wasn't thrilled that Genji knew but when Genji saw the way his expression shifted to the praise, he knew it was okay.

A high pitched electronic song began to play suddenly and Genji quickly pulled out his phone to silence it. It was his alarm to get dinner ready. When did it get that late? Genji rushed inside and to the garage. Hanzo had only a few nice possessions when Genji arrived: His bow, a few blades, a sake drinking set, and a **motorcycle**. Genji was in awe when he first saw it even though he joked that his older brother was just trying to copy his 'cool kid' phase. It not a cheap second-hand bike; no, its a very nice and expensive bike. It was initially questioned why Hanzo didn't drive it to work and Hanzo told him he only drove it casually. That was before Genji had found out about the bullying. He wouldn't put it past them to ruin such a nice bike. Genji's mind tried to go back to the conversation he had heard but he buried it down as he mounted the bike, letting it roar to life. The bike was well taken care of, its navy blue paint looking as shiny as if it was brand new. Genji pulled out of the garage and gladly took the long way to the store.

It took about two hours to get back home with the groceries. Genji unloaded the saddlebags and large storage on the back of the bike. Dinner was already forfeited for something ordered. Genji was too tired and running too far behind to make anything decent. Pizza it is. With a soft thump, Genji fell into bed to check his phone for the time. It read 'Thursday, June 25th 8:24pm'. Oh good! Thursday were the only days that Hanzo got off at the same time as everyone else. Something about the 'big boss' hanging around on Thursdays. Genji quickly ordered a pizza, expecting Hanzo to be home in the next 20 minutes. After the order was placed, Genji went about planning how to startle his brother upon his return. He may have left home when he was 18 but he still had plenty of ninja training from his youth. Oh the look on their father's face if he found out that Genji was using all that training solely to prank Hanzo. Shame the man's dead cause now all he could do is roll over in his grave. The thought made a grin break out on his face before he hurried to get on the roof with a plan forming for his prank on his brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be more Hanzo and Mccree next chapter I promise!!


	3. Chapter 3

It has been a few months since Genji had joined Blackwatch. This, of course, meant that Genji wasn't around as much to do the chores which, in and of itself, wasn't a big deal. Sure, the laundry was a little backed up and Hanzo had to eat out more but nothing more than an inconvenience. Genji seemed really happy with this group and that was enough for Hanzo. It was the weekend now which meant Hanzo was home to catch up on laundry between his archery sets. The house was eerily quiet without his brother being his usual obnoxious self but Hanzo shrugged off the feeling. He had been alone before; being alone for a day or two was nothing but it wasn't being alone that bothered him. It was the thoughts that came with it. Being alone meant being alone with your thoughts; thoughts that, no matter how hard you try to forget, float to the surface from the depths they had been buried. Meditation helped for a few hours but it couldn't do much with the physical reminders that Hanzo held onto so tightly.

Hanzo woke up at 5am once again. He groaned softly as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and slowly sat up. He stretched his arms upward, locking them together and arching his back until he felt the slight pop from his spine. With a small click the bedside lamp was flicked on, filling the room with a soft orange hue to combat the darkness of night. Hanzo swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood, finishing his stretching. He let out a sigh once he had finished and looked about his room for something to do. It was much too early to do any chores-- well, he **could** but he didn't wish to wake his brother as they were both fairly light sleepers. Looking about his room, Hanzo realizes that he hadn't cleaned or organized it in a while. That was all it took for him to begin his quiet cleaning. From clothes tossed around from exhaustion to the dust forming on his bookshelf from the lack of reading time, he cleaned it all. While he was making his bed, his foot nudged a box he had forgot under his bed. Curious, he lifted the small box onto his bed and opened it but immediately regretted it. Inside was quite a few things: a small photo book, a small teddy bear keychain, but of most note worth, there was a yellow bandanna wrapping something. I was an ugly dingy shade of yellow with a white skull and wings printed on one side that read 'Deadlock'. A feeling that was thought long forgotten began to pool in Hanzo's stomach as he lifted the small bundle and began to unwrap it. Inside was a lovely sapphire dragon encased in a glass heart. Multiple emotions flooded Hanzo as he stared down at the trinket; Disgust, joy, anger, happiness, sadness, longing, the list went on and on. Hanzo threw the gem on the ground hard and moved to crush it with his slipper but his foot hesitated over it. He couldn't bring himself to destroy it. He slowly removed his foot only for panic to set in once he saw the dragon. The glass had a large crack running through it. Hanzo fell to his knees and scooped it up quickly. The glass seemed to be cracked but it still held together much to Hanzo's relief. He gently pressed the piece to his head and remembered the day he received this gift.

It was the 4th of July. Hanzo had been feeling rather homesick after being in America alone for half a year so his new attractive friend offered to take him out to distract him. Hanzo couldn't deny that he was pining for this friend since practically day one; he was just so... perfect? He was so kind and considerate with a voice laced in honey and a laugh that could make Hanzo feel weak in the knees should he let it. Maybe it was because of this that Hanzo didn't mind his flirtatious approach when they met in class. Either way, Hanzo had fallen hard for this man by the name of Jesse Mccree so when Jesse invited him out, he was almost overly eager in his reply. Seeing Jesse standing outside the entrance of the fair in his nicest casual clothing made Hanzo's heart pound and he found he had stopped walking and was just staring from a distance. Even with his silly cowboy hat and boots, Jesse was a sight for sore eyes. Those broad shoulders and chest that were barely contained by his flannel; those jeans that hugged in all the right places. Jesse eventually noticed him and rushed over with a grin, causing Hanzo's face to flush that he'd been caught staring. Jesse, much to Hanzo's relief, either didn't notice or didn't ask. While they were out at this little country carnival, Jesse asked him many questions about Japan and festivals back home. It seemed odd at first but Hanzo complied as he was enjoying his time with Jesse. Hanzo explained festival customs as Jesse asked, though, Jesse questions were oddly specific; down to specific foods even.

Once it was dark, Jesse had pulled Hanzo to a secluded spot in the tree line to watch the fireworks up closer than the staff would let you. They sat in silence for a long moment, Jesse fiddling with something in his hands. It seemed like forever before Jesse spoke, “Hey Hanzo! I um.. got ya somethin'.” Hanzo turned to him with a slight cock of his head. Jesse's freckled cheeks were a faint pinkish hue when he gestured for Hanzo to hold out his hand. Hanzo was still confused but complied. Jesse placed his own hand over his and set something into his palm. It was cool and smooth leaving Hanzo wondering what it was. Once Jesse removed his hand, Hanzo stared in awe as his face flushed at the blue gem dragon that coiled inside its glass heart-shaped prison. He inspected it carefully, holding it up to the nearby streetlight to see through the gem. “So.. Whatcha think?” Jesse asked a bit more confident again; probably from already seeing Hanzo reaction. “This is... Lovely. Thank you very much, Jesse.” Hanzo smiled brightly at Jesse which seemed to catch the cowboy off guard. Hanzo examined the glass for a bit longer, taking in its fine details before reaching into his pocket. Hanzo's brows furrowed and he grumbled softly which worried Jesse instantly, “What's up darlin'?” Hanzo moved to cup the gem in both his hands, “I don't have a handkerchief to wrap this in. It's very lovely and I would hate for it to get scratched in my pocket.” Jesse's body deflated in obvious relief and he laughed a bit, “Well shoot. You wanna use my bandanna?” Hanzo blinked at him. Jesse always wore that bandanna and now he was just willing to give it to Hanzo? “Are you sure?” Hanzo asked softly. Jesse was already untying the yellow bandanna and handing it to him. Hanzo's lips curled upwards slightly as he took the cloth from the cowboy and secured his gift inside it. Hanzo was putting the cloth in his pocket when Jesse was about to say something else but it was drown by the boom of the fireworks. Hanzo's eyes were on them immediately; the fireworks reminding him of home, even if it was only slightly. Jesse watched on as Hanzo stared at the explosions above, letting the nostalgia take hold.

“Earth to Hanzoooo~” Jesse's teasing voice made Hanzo snap from his daze, blood rushing to tint his cheeks pink, “My apologies.” Jesse just chuckled and they sat in silence for a moment before Jesse cleared his throat, seeming uncharacteristically nervous. “So...” He began, looking anywhere but Hanzo, “I uh... did a bit'a research on Japan and stuff and I umm...” Hanzo felt his cheeks warm up a bit more from the fluttering of his heart. He didn't think Jesse would go to the lengths; not for him at least. “I remembered how ya told me bout how you and yer bro would travel a lot and how ya would go to that er.. Toy-o-hash-i G-ion thingamagig.” Hanzo couldn't help but snort at Jesse's attempt at pronouncing it though he tried to hold it back. Jesse gave him an adorable pout before continuing, “**Anyway**, I know American fireworks and parties ain't the same but I was hopin' that it would... I dunno, help I guess?” Jesse scratched the back of his head, knocking his stetson forward a bit to cover his eyes. Hanzo's expression softened into a gentle smile as he looked at his face. Hanzo's hand gently grasped Jesse's which caused him to jump out of whatever thoughts were running through his head. Jesse couldn't help but stare at Hanzo's expression before returning it in kind. The air seemed to shift, the light from the fireworks illuminating their faces as they began to draw closer together. The pace was agonizingly slow and it felt like forever before their lips finally touched. I wasn't perfect and it was not how Hanzo expected his first kiss going but he wouldn't have it any other way. Their arms slowly wrapped around each other, making them lose balance and slowly falling sideways into the grass. Once they expended all the air in their lungs, they pulled away only enough to breathe. “Hanzo darlin'.. I love you..” Hanzo almost missed his words over the pounding of his heart in his ears. His name rolled off his tongue in such a sickly sweet tone that Hanzo found himself back on his lips without a moment to think. This moment of warm bliss that soothed every nerve in Hanzo's body--

Hanzo's thoughts screeched to a halt as Genji's alarm clock blared throughout the house. Hanzo wrapped the bundle and kicked the box and its contents back under his bed, hellbent on the idea of tossing it later. “...Liar.” was all Hanzo grumbled before rushing into the kitchen to make a quick breakfast for Genji.

Genji was out the door not an hour later, leaving Hanzo to his own mercy. He decided to meditate; 3 hours gone. Next was practicing archery between laundry loads; 4 more hours gone. It wasn't even dinner time yet which resulted in Hanzo power cleaning the entire house to distract himself from the wicked thoughts he had this morning. It wasn't fair. Why did he still have to suffer 15 years later?? Hadn't he suffered enough having gone to prison for his foolish choices? Why did he still feel for someone who just used him in the end..? Due to these lingering feelings, Hanzo wasn't able to get into another relationship. He couldn't even do one night stands. It was all so frustrating. There was a hole inside his heart and soul that he couldn't fill thus it continued to bleed.

Genji came home later that night while Hanzo had began to cook ramen. The house reeked of cleaning supplies and Hanzo's hands were raw from all the scrubbing. He hoped the smell of ramen would dilute the cleaning smell so his brother would not worry.“_Aniki! I'm hooome!_” his little brother yelled as if the front door wasn't in view from the kitchen and Hanzo wasn't standing right there with a cocked brow. Genji's expression didn't shift even after Hanzo let out an exasperated sigh. “_Did you eat?_” Hanzo asks in a way like he knew the answer. “_**Yup but I could always go for some of your ramen!**_” They both said at the same time, Genji's voice cheery while Hanzo's as flat as possible as if to mock his younger brother. Genji blinked at his brother before resting against the counter, one hand on his chest and his forearm over his forehead in a mock hurt, “_How can you be so cruel, Aniki? Is a loving brother not allowed to love his brother's cooking?_” Hanzo rolled his eyes and shooed his brother away while he dug out ingredients to double what he was making.

They both ate in relative silence at the breakfast bar, the only sound being Genji's slurping from how fast he was trying to eat. After drinking down the remainder of his food, Genji brought the bowl down on the counter a bit louder than necessary. Hanzo wasn't startled given his brother's energetic mood but this action did receive a cocked eyebrow over his bowl. “_So... Is it okay if I invite Joel over tomorrow?_” Genji asked sweetly as he folded his hands next to his cocked head and fluttered his lashes as if that was going to sway Hanzo somehow. Hanzo shrugged as he began to pick up dishes, “_Why are you asking? You own this house._” He began washing dishes when he heard his brother speak, “_Yeah but... are you okay to have company? I mean, yeah, the house is clean but it's __**too **__clean_.” Hanzo's hands froze for just a moment before moving again as if nothing happened, “_I do not know what you are talking about. This is how I normally clean but due to the cooling weather, I could not open the windows. Invite whoever you want, it is of no consequence to me._” Genji was silent behind him, no doubt making a face at his older brother, but Hanzo paid him no mind.

Genji walked off to his room as Hanzo finished cleaning up. Before Hanzo could retire to his own room, Genji rushed back out with a pair of headphones. Hanzo crossed his arms and watched him with a questioning look as Genji untangled them and handed them to him. “_You should listen to his music so you know his voice! That way you won't be on edge tomorrow!_” Genji had the biggest grin like he had just won some grand prize which Hanzo could only respond with an eye roll. It was true that hearing the voice would probably help him relax when he heard it in the house but Hanzo had no intention of meeting Joel. As long as his brother was happy, that was what mattered. Hanzo took the headphones and sat on the couch with his brother, “_This is gonna be one of our sample takes because I think he talks in it to one of the other members._” Hanzo didn't want to do this but he did want to hear how well Genji was fitting in with the group. Once the headphones were in, he gestured for Genji to play. The voice hit him like a ton of bricks with nostalgia, feeling so familiar but so new. It was warm, deep, and rich with an obvious drawl and the **laugh. **Hanzo was glad he was sitting as his knees might have gone weak. His heart was pounding listening to this man who seemed to have the confidence of a man with nothing to lose. It all just felt so familiar but it was over much too quick. Hanzo quickly turned to Genji with the phone to restart the audio but he was met with his brother's signature shit-eating grin. Embarrassed, Hanzo quickly removed the headphones and stood, turning to hide his reddening cheeks. “_...Very well. I will most likely stay in my room anyway._” He made sure his voice was as flat as usual and quickly left for his room after hearing his younger brother chuckle.

Hanzo closed his bedroom door behind himself and leaned against it, the blush not leaving his cheeks. He couldn't wrap his mind around where he had heard the voice. Maybe he was finally losing it which the thought brought a pity laugh from him. He moved to his bed, kicking the box under his bed once more. His eyes that were already closing were now wide open as he realized why the voice sounded so familiar. Jesse? No, that was impossible. The Jesse he knew became a punk alcoholic that was constantly getting into fights for no reason; at least that's how he was at the end of their relationship. His Jesse was probably long dead and besides, this man's name was Joel. Hanzo rolled onto his back with a long sigh and staring to the ceiling. Hanzo just laid still and let the bittersweet memories consume his mind and lull him to sleep.

Hanzo woke up at 5am once more and began his Sunday routine: meditation until sunrise and some bow practice until Genji woke up. Genji's room was on the furthest side of the house so Hanzo wasn't exactly worried about waking him. Besides, he'd deserve an early morning after being a little shit the night prior and teasing him with Jesse's-- no Joel's-- Fuck! Hanzo let another arrow fly as he thought but it clipped the tree and broke on the stone wall behind it. Hanzo clicked his tongue and massaged the bridge of his nose, trying to center his focus on his bow. After a short moment, Hanzo resumed his training, forcing down any thoughts that tried to rise. The only thing to break his concentration was Genji's 10am alarm. Hanzo tidied up the yard before heading inside to make a small breakfast for them; simple eggs and toast would do. Hanzo entered the kitchen in just his sweatpants when he noticed something odd. They had a sort of morning schedule on Sundays, well, at least Hanzo did. According to the schedule, Genji would enter the kitchen about 20 minutes after his alarm giving Hanzo ample time to prepare a meal while Genji still struggled to wake up. Today was different however. Genji had bolted down to the kitchen right away and was already eating a bowl of cereal, seeming as bright-eyed as he'd usually be an hour from now. “_Good moooooring Aniki!_” Hanzo looked at his brother in mild disgust at all the chewed food he could see when he had spoken. Genji just laughed and quickly finished his food, “_Joel will be here in an hour. We will probably be in the studio so don't worry about running into him._” Though he was annoying about it sometimes, Hanzo appreciated that Genji was considerate about company. Hanzo is not a people person nor does he like surprises so surprise guests are a big no. Hanzo gave his brother a brief nod in response and went to prepare some tea, forgoing breakfast as he had lost his appetite. Cooking and cleaning the dishes would take too long if there was to be a guest in an hour. While the water was boiling, Hanzo went to go shower, leaving his brother to watch the kettle. Hanzo's showers could range from a five minute rinse to an hour of thoughts pounding on his head like the water from the faucet. He was hoping today would be the former.

A quick 10 minute shower would have to suffice. Hanzo stepped out of his shower and began toweling himself off thoroughly, especially his hair. He did not like his hair when it was soaking wet so he did his best to dry it out with a towel and got dressed. He put on some simple skinny jeans and a tight royal blue v-neck. He wasn't going anywhere but he figured he should look presentably casual in the off chance he met their guest. Hanzo's stomach twisted just thinking about this situation; some foreboding feeling about today, about their guest. Hanzo was about to tie up his hair when he heard the extended long whistle of the kettle. His shoulders slumped in a sigh as his brother probably bolted and left it unattended.

Hanzo stepped out of his room and toward the kitchen, his eyes closed as he ran a hand through his hair, “_Genji. I thought I asked you to--_” Eyes. He felt eyes on him and more than just his brother's. He quickly looked up and saw **him**. Hanzo could only stare, mouth agape. He couldn't be... could he? This was Joel right? The cowboy seemed to have a similar reaction to seeing him but quickly shook it away for an easy smile, extending his hand toward him, “The name's Jo--”

“Jesse Mccree.” Hanzo muttered out as his expression began to twist in anger. Jesse was drawn back and gave Genji a look of irritation. Genji held his hands in front of himself defensively, “I-I didn't tell him! I swear!” Jesse sighed and turned to look back at Hanzo with another smile, “Well darlin' since ya--”

“**Jesse Mccree...**” Hanzo growled, his hands curling so tight into fists that his nails draw blood from his palms. So many emotions were swirling around inside Hanzo as he stared at this man, his first love, his first kiss, his first partner, **his first heartbreak. **This man had taken **everything** from him and disappeared. How dare he show has face to him**.** Hanzo wasn't sure what his face looked like right now but judging by the looks on the other two, it was something akin to pure rage.


	4. Chapter 4

Jesse McCree always had a talent for reading people regardless if he enjoyed it or not. Even if he didn't know what they were thinking, he could pick emotions out of the blankest of expressions. This shouldn't have surprised him; he saw it in his face.

Jesse looked up at the older Asian man who's fist was still clenched tightly in front of himself, the other held at his side. The rage and buried hurt had not left his expression. Jesse placed his cooler metal hand over his swelling cheek, still in shock, while Genji ran to restrain his brother who was taking a step forward, “Hanzo! What are you doing?!” Jesse watched Hanzo's chest heave from his heavy breathing, a poor effort at containing his anger no doubt. What Jesse didn't understand was why he was so angry, and at him no less. They had never met right? Wait.. Hanzo... Hanzo.. that name...-- Fuck! Jesse gritted his teeth from the throbbing headache that was forming. He tried to push but his brain wasn't giving him any answers. Maybe he could get Hanzo so say something more than his name. If what Genji said was true, which it seemed so given his expression, then Hanzo had to know him from somewhere. Maybe he could fill in the 4 year gap of his early 20s. He may be mostly recovered from his accident but many memories were still hazy or just gone.

Jesse quietly cleared his throat to get Hanzo's attention and flashed him a grin, “Hey there Hanzo, darlin'--” Bad choice in wording. Hanzo's expression grew more intense with gritted teeth and eyes that could kill. Jesse didn't get a moment to react before being dealt a swift kick to the gut. It knocked the wind out of him and he curled around himself. He heard Genji yelling at his brother in Japanese as Hanzo stormed off. There was a slam of a door and the crash of glass, most likely a picture frame of some sort. Genji stood for a moment, unsure what happened before remembering about Jesse and helping him up to the couch. Genji made sure he was comfortable before running to get some ice and letting Jesse catch his breath. The lack of air wasn't the only reason he was panting. His head was pounding from being so close to a memory. It just needed a little more push--

“I'm so sorry, Jesse... I've never..” Genji came back with an ice pack, averting his gaze. Jesse couldn't tell if he felt bad that Jesse got hurt or the his brother was carrying more baggage than he thought. Jesse gently took the ice pack from Genji which seemed to get his attention, “Dun worry too much darlin'. A lil punch an' kick ain't enough to take me down.” Jesse held the ice pack to his cheek and smiled at the ninja. Genji didn't seem convinced, “What about your manager? That wasn't a 'lil punch'. He knocked you clean on your ass and there will no doubt be swelling and a bruise.” Jesse just shrugged, “There's no upcomin' live appearances or anythin'. Sides, Gabe's seen me in worse shape. He was there when I... ya know.” he moved his metal hand as to gesture to its existence. Genji knew about the accident that took McCree's arm. Jesse honestly didn't wanna tell him but his migraines from the lost memories were too frequent to go unnoticed. Sure, he could have lied every time but it took too much energy to lie. It was easier to be honest with him, especially since he was part of the 'family' now.

Jesse's thoughts were interrupted when Genji finally spoke, “I've actually never seen my brother so angry-- well... not since we reconciled 8 years ago. Sure, he would get mad and he could be a real ass but... not to that degree...” Genji was uncharacteristically downcast about everything and Jesse felt bad for him. Jesse stood up and smiled when Genji's following eyes met his, “I'ma go smoke. When I get back, let's play fer a bit an calm down, ya?” Genji perked up a bit and nodded making Jesse's smile grow much more natural. Genji directed him to the backyard before running off to get some things together. Seeing Genji back to energetic self made a small chuckle come from Jesse as he pulled out a cigar and lit it. After a few puffs, some tension left his shoulders and he decided to take in his surroundings. Quite a few trees but not enough to block the sunlight, all with holes in them. Maybe they had a woodpecker problem? Jesse shrugged to himself and turned his attention to the small shed. It looked new and even homey. Someone could probably live in it if they wanted. Jesse wanted to be nosy but decided against it after already pissing someone off. He snuffed out his cigar on his metal arm once he fully relaxed and head inside toward where Genji was making enough noise to raise the dead.

The boys played together for a long while before alcohol was eventually brought out and before they knew it, it was 1am. Jesse was surprised that, even drunk, Genji could play a mean solo. Genji was a bit of a lightweight when it came to alcohol; something about having to sober up while in Nepal and it killing any tolerance he had. Jesse has seen Genji over-drink himself enough times to learn his limits and by that he meant he knew exactly when Genji was about to pass out. He mentally counted down from 10 in his head after Genji put the sticks for his drums down, watching him try to get up just to fall over. Jesse couldn't help but laugh. With a soft groan, Jesse stood up and began cleaning up Genji's studio. Genji really could play any instrument as he had proven to Jesse hours prior and Jesse felt very lucky to have him in their group; not only for his talents but he was a ray of sunshine to a jaded group of old farts. It also meant that Jesse wasn't the youngest anymore and Gabe couldn't call him the kid of the group.

Once the room was cleaned up, Jesse wandered over and poked at Genji's face to make sure he was out cold. He definitely was. Jesse lifted Genji like a sack of potatoes, throwing him over his shoulder. Upon leaving the studio, Jesse tried to figure out which room was Genji's but stopped dead when he saw a 'Ninja's only' sign on a door at the end of the hallway. How old was Genji again? Jesse stifled a laugh as he didn't want to disturb the older man in the house but he didn't stop the snort from his initial reaction. This cowboy could not deal with his green haired friend sometimes. Jesse opened the door quietly and moved toward the bed. It was a bit of a struggle to try and lay Genji down without just throwing him onto the mattress but Jesse managed. Genji's room was full of ninja gear and even a few action figures. Really Genji? Jesse shook his head. This was coming from the **cowboy** who's room probably wasn't much better.

Jesse was as quiet as possible as he closed Genji's door and moved to walk down the hallway. He felt like he was doing some kind of walk of shame and trying to sneak out while the parents were sleeping next door. Jesse made it to the main room and was about to go for the front door but he hard something. A solid thump sound from the backyard through the open backdoor. He paused, trying to figure out what that was but then he heard it again, and again. Jesse's curiosity got the better of him and he went to peek. There was Grump Ass Mcgee himself. Jesse's shoulders slumped in a silent sigh of mostly relief. Relief that they weren't getting robbed but also in reluctance as that meant the possibility of pissing him off again. Jesse looked at Hanzo and became entranced in watching his archery. Hanzo seemed to have put up small targets on the trees which all varied from the size of plates to the size of a poker chip. From what Jesse could see, they were all perfect bullseyes. He watched Hanzo's bare back and how nicely the muscles flexed as he drew his bow. The cowboy was pulled from his thoughts when he noticed an arrow clip a tree and break on the far wall, “_Chikushō...”_ Hanzo muttered, gritting his teeth and tightening his grip on his bow. He quickly knocked another arrow as if he had something to prove but this one missed too. “_Kuso!” _Hanzo said louder before kneeling down, curling in a bit on himself and lightly pulling at his own hair. His brows were furrowed and he seemed to be deep in thought, his eyes glaring holes into the soil in front of him. He seemed so... small. Jesse was examining his face now and saw his eyes were red and tired. Hanzo had been crying, hadn't he. Fuck! What did Jesse do?! He hasn't even said a full sentence to the guy and he was making him cry? This wouldn't do at all. Jesse lightly knocked on the door frame which had Hanzo act like he was merely getting an arrow from his nearby quiver. Hanzo would have convinced him if he hadn't been standing there for the past 15 minutes. He drew his bow and it was instantly aimed at Jesse with narrowed puffy eyes. Jesse felt the guilt heavy in his heart as he rose his hands in front of himself, “Hold on there. Lemme speak 'fore ya go murderin' me.” Hanzo, seeming exhausted as is, lowered the bow but did not remove the arrow. He seemed to be weighing his options before turning his back to Jesse and resuming his practice. Jesse took this as permission and took a deep breath, “Now... Lemme come clean. I don't have any idea who ya are but--” Jesse saw how Hanzo's back tensed and he felt the guilt even heavier on his heart. “If I knew you in my 20s or sooner, 'M sorry. I lost all my memories in an accident and--” Hanzo's arrow fell to the ground and there was silence for a moment. Hanzo's shoulders shook as he turned to look at the cowboy. His expression broke Jesse's heart. It was a look of absolute sorrow. Jesse didn't know what to do or say and it seemed like an eternity before Hanzo spoke, “..Nothing? You remember absolutely nothing of that time...?” His voice was a whisper and the leaves blowing in the wind almost buried it. Jesse shook his head, “'Fraid not. Sorry darlin'.” Hanzo was looking away again, lowering his head to hide his face from Jesse's gaze. Why did seeing Hanzo so upset break him so bad? He wanted to console him, to hold him, to do **something**.

The silence dragged on for the longest 15 minutes of Jesse's life only to be interrupted by Hanzo turning his back to him and walking out to the yard to clean up. Jesse tried to follow after, “Hey Han, lemme help ya with--” Again, Jesse was stopped in his tracks by a single look from Hanzo. His face was angry but his eyes were so heartbroken and lost. Jesse was so lost in his eyes that he almost missed Hanzo words, “Please leave. Your business is with Genji; not myself. If your business is complete then I politely ask you to leave.” Hanzo didn't spare him a second glance as he began to pick up his arrows. Jesse wanted to talk back, to fight his way to stay and comfort Hanzo somehow but he couldn't find the words. After a moment, Jesse turned and went inside to gather his things. He was moving quickly, very quickly. Almost like he was running away but from what? Hanzo? Himself? He didn't know anything anymore and his head was pounding so hard the he was dizzy. Jesse quickly pulled out his phone when he got outside and dialed someone. If he knew him like he thought he did, he knew the grump was up. It only took 2 rings before the phone was picked up.  
  
“What the hell, Jesse... Its almost 2 am.” The gruff voice was laced with irritation. “Sorry Gabe but I doubt you were actually doing anythin'. I'm havin' a bit of an... episode and I ain't fit to drive.” There was silence for a moment before a sigh, “You still at ninja boy's house?” Gabe knew Jesse didn't like to ask him for stuff like this unless it was necessary. “Yeah. I drove my truck over 'ere but I'll just get it in the mornin'” Jesse didn't really want to leave it but he could use the excuse he was drunk. However, how would Hanzo feel about their talk if he claimed he was too drunk to drive? Thinking about Hanzo made Jesse's head pound harder. “Don't worry, kid. I'll bring Jack and he can drive it back. Just wait somewhere and try not to look shady. I'll be there in 20.” Gabe hung up before Jesse could give him a response. He sighed as he put his phone away and pulled out his cigar again. Jesse leaned on the stone wall of the Shimada's estate and lit his cigar, watching the smoke sway from each breath. What a fucking night this turned out to be.

It didn't take long for Gabe and Jack to pull up. Jack got out, seeming grumpy and freshly woken, which made Jesse chuckle. Jack held his hand out for the keys to his truck and snatched them away before stalking toward his ride. Jesse finished his cigar before climbing into Gabe's car. Gabe was watching Jack get situated in Jesse's car when he spoke, “So... Do you need to come home with us or will you be okay at home?” This wasn't the first time Jesse's migraines got so bad he couldn't functions and it sadly wasn't the last. Jesse thought for a bit but shook his head, “I'll be fine on my own. It just dun mix well with alcohol.” Jesse relaxed in the backseat once the group began driving to Jesse's apartment.

Jesse didn't need to live in an apartment; he could easily afford a nice house if he wanted to but the idea of having that much space and nothing to occupy it didn't sit well with him. Jack parked his truck in the reserved parking spot as Jesse climbed out of Gabe's car with a groan, rubbing the back of his head. “Ya sure you're gonna be alright, mijo?” Gabe was such a worrywart, granted, when him and Jack first took Jesse in, he was practically on death's door. Jesse gave him a chuckle and a big grin, leaning on the open window, “Aw come on Gabe! I'm almost 40! I can take care of myself!” Gabe's face broke into a smirk, “Says the cowboy who had to call his dad to pick him up from his friend's house. Sounds like you're still a 10 year old to me.” Gabe and Jack had been family friends of Jesse's family since before he was born. They were also the one to take him in after his accident. According to them, Jesse's parents had died a year prior in an accident and Jesse was being stubborn about accepting their help. But since Jesse's accident left him in a coma, they took it upon themselves to take control and help him recover, unable to stand aside any longer. They never lied to Jesse about who they were; the fact that they weren't related by blood or officially his adoptive parents was the first thing they told him. It took time but Jesse grew to trust them and when his brain tried to recall some memories, both their voices turned up. They both helped him through recovery which took years with the brain damage and artificial limb but Jesse was very grateful to them and still is and that thought made Jesse smile warmly. “Alright, old man, I'ma head on up. Y'all get home safe, ya hear.” Jesse stood up from leaning on the door to take his keys from Jack. He stepped aside to let Jack into the car, “As if there's a worry for that. Rest well Jesse.” Jesse waved them off as he watched them pull out of the lot. He was thankful that neither had questioned the bruise on his face but they probably thought he did something stupid and hurt himself which, in a way, is the truth. Jesse sighed once more before turning and heading inside.  
  
His body felt so heavy by time he climbed into bed, not even bothering with the blankets. It was nearing 3am by time Jesse had changed and sleep was quickly taking hold. He let his eyes slide close and the darkness quickly took him. Jesse didn't have dreams anymore, or any that he remembered at least. Something else he lost in the accident.

Jesse woke up with a groan as the sun filtered in through the open window. He rubbed his eyes and tried to get up only for a warm mass to hold him closer to himself. Jesse froze, confused as to what was holding him down. He was alone in his bed last night and he had no pets. Jesse swallowed hard and turned to look at the stranger who's head was laying on his chest. Long black hair covered the man's face and covered well down his back; an detailed tattoo was on his shoulder and seemed to be a work in progress going down his arm. “_Imadani..._” The man whined as he snuggled more into Jesse's chest. Jesse felt himself chuckle despite his confusion; at least the version of himself he was watching was chuckling. Jesse's body moved on it own accord, curling around the smaller man some, “I'd love to stay, sweetpea but you know I got mornin' classes.” The man turned his head up with an adorable pout and Jesse's fears were confirmed. He couldn't mistake those features for anyone but Hanzo, albeit a decade and a half younger. The pout was admittedly adorable and Jesse's left hand moved to card through Hanzo's hair and it made Hanzo relax and even smile warmly at him. His hand was flesh. Once Jesse stopped focusing on his left hand, he noticed Hanzo's face. It was so full of love and content just looking up at Jesse.

Jesse woke up in cold sweat, his head was splitting and he could barely coordinate himself quick enough to grab his bedside garbage can and throw up into it. His chest heaved as he stared blearily at nothing. Was his throwing up from his migraine or guilt? He couldn't tell but just thinking about what he just saw made another wave of nausea rip through his gut. The only thought that managed to pass his pain was that he fucked up something fierce.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any questions or wanna chat, send me a message on tumblr at https://animepaige.tumblr.com/


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! Holiday+Retail never mix well

It was currently 10am and Hanzo was still laying face down in bed, his phone resting on the pillow where it had fallen out of his hand. He had used his first sick day since joining the company and was sure he'd get shit for it tomorrow but he didn't care right now. Did heartbreak count as an illness? Regardless if it counted or not, he was bedridden as he couldn't bring himself to get up. Jesse McCree did not remember their relationship; did not remember **him**. His grip on the glass heart in his other hand tightened. All these years of saying he was over him, that he'd never see him again; it was all lies. Deep in his heart, Hanzo wanted to find Jesse again and just talk to him at least. To ask why he left him after all they had been through, to ask why he left him to get arrested and didn't even visit him in prison or answer his calls. Hanzo had convinced himself that it was all a game to Jesse after the first year of his prison sentence. Hanzo's first year incarcerated was spent with the fleeting hope that someone cared, someone would call to check on him or send a letter. Nothing ever came. After 5 long years inside those walls, Hanzo Shimada had left a changed man. A man devoid of hope or dreams. He was convinced he was alone in this world; rejected by everyone close to him and thus, he walked alone.

His thoughts were interrupted by a soft, hesitant knock on his door. Hanzo slowly lifted his head from his pillow enough to glare at the door. He huffed as he moved to get up; his body aching. Shortly after McCree had left, Hanzo also left. He was a whirlwind of emotions and needed an outlet. He had gone to a 24-hour gym and tried to take his aggression out on the punching bag. He was so wound up that he didn't even bother with proper protective equipment. His knuckles had just stopped bleeding a little while ago but those weren't the only injuries he had inflicted. No matter how hard he punched, it wasn't enough. He stilled the swaying bag and closed his eyes, trying to calm down once more. Breath in... breath out... breath in..-- Jesse's words came back to mind. Hanzo bared his teeth as every muscle in his body tensed. He felt like he was going to overflow with.. something and he couldn't take it. He brought his fist back and hit the bag with all his might while he screamed out in frustration. This scream was so raw and primal that it tore his throat apart on it way out. The bag rocked hard and fell from its anchor on the ceiling, landing a good 4 feet away. Hanzo hunched over slightly, panting and no where near sated. Part of the now loose anchor fell from the ceiling and hit Hanzo hard in the back. It managed to knock the wind out of him but aside from a nasty bruise, he'd live. He did his best to catch his breath as he silently praised the gods that the gym was empty and no one had to bare witness to his display; though he was sure some security guard was getting a kick out of watching the cameras. Once Hanzo had collected himself, he left a note on the front desk with his membership ID and a phone number for contact on the damages and left. It was 4am when Hanzo returned and he hadn't moved from his bed since.

His thoughts were interrupted once more by another knock on the door. Hanzo grabbed a blanket to throw over himself to hide the bruises and cuts and quietly told his little brother to come in, trying his best to hide his rough voice. Genji entered with an immediate look of concern, “_Aniki... Why are you home? Don't you have work?_” Hanzo looked away from his brother and took a moment before answering, “_I am not feeling well._” Genji didn't respond at first and Hanzo hoped that his weak voice and mess of a face would convince the younger Shimada that he was just sick. Genji opened his mouth but seemed to hesitate as if he was trying to pick the right words, “_..Can we talk about yesterday..?_” Hanzo quickly shook his head which made Genji a bit upset, _“You punched and kicked my friend and BOSS! You have to tell me why!_” Hanzo jolted when he realized. He could very easily ruin this for Genji if his behavior continues. He slowly closed his eyes and took a breath, “_...Later._” Genji was about to protest but Hanzo looked at him from the corner of his eye and gestured to his voice. Genji hesitated but let out a sigh of defeat and nodded, “_Do you need medicine?_” Hanzo shook his head. The thought of ingesting anything made him feel sick to his stomach. Genji nodded that he understood and quietly left to let his brother rest. Hanzo hoped that his 'being sick' would fool his brother too but Hanzo also knew better and knew that he'd have to talk to his brother tonight.

Hanzo had spent the entire day in his room, laying in bed and fiddling with the glass heart. The thought to smash it had probably crossed his mind well over 100 times but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Hanzo's phone vibrated and Hanzo knew who it was and what it was for before even picking it up. His brother had texted him and asked him to come to the living room. Hanzo sighed and threw on a baggy hoodie. It wasn't too baggy but the sleeves covered his knuckles at least. He slowly opened his door and walked down the hall with his hands in his pockets, trying to act as 'normal' as possible. He was a bit confused to see Genji sitting on the couch with their first aid kit, causing him to cock an eyebrow. Genji looked up at Hanzo with a very serious face and pat the spot next to him, “_I may seem so, but I am no fool Hanzo._” Hanzo swallowed hard but his face was hardened into a neutral state. He complied with his brother's request and sat beside him. He already began removing the hoodie as Genji would have asked him to anyway. Genji opened the kit and began treating his hands with peroxide. “_So.._.” Genji began, still seeming a bit frustrated but it could be from confusion, “_What is going on between you and Jesse? How did you know his real name?_” Hanzo could not hold back the large sigh that passed his lips and it took him a moment to answer, “._..We knew each other many many years ago._” Genji didn't seem satisfied, “_And what made you attack him like that? I've never seen you do anything like that._” Hanzo didn't answer as he tried to think of a way to explain it without telling his brother about their relationship or his prison sentence. When Hanzo didn't answer, Genji grew more impatient and grab his arms to get his attention, “_Hanzo! If Jesse is a bad person, I need to know so I can--_” “_No! He's not--!_” Hanzo quickly interrupted only to stop himself. He grit his teeth. How dare he protect this man, “_...The McCree I knew is no more. You now know him better than I and I have already apologized for my behavior._” Genji huffed a bit as he began rubbing bruise cream into Hanzo's back. Hanzo paled when he realized what the words that escaped his mouth meant. The man he loved was no more? He quickly covered his mouth and stood up, causing Genji's hands to stop rubbing cream into his bruised back. “Hanzo?” Genji looked up to his brother with a slightly tilted head. Hanzo just shook his head and rushed back to his room despite his brother calling after him. He slammed his door and slid down it slightly. He didn't know how to act, what to say, what to do. He felt so confused and lost as he dragged his heavy body off the door and towards his bed, ready to call out of work for tomorrow. He couldn't stand to have anyone see him in this state; not even his own brother. Hanzo grabbed a pillow and curled around it some, digging his nails into the fabric. He was just so emotionally exhausted that he couldn't bring himself to do anything but lay there. Sleep eventually came but it didn't stop his undesired thoughts from playing in his head.

It had been a few weeks since Hanzo had met McCree for the 'first time' and he had seemingly recovered. Seemingly. The only thing that was different was he was better at masking it at work and toward his brother. When he was alone, the mask always melted away to the emotions and it was driving Hanzo mad. He wanted these thoughts to stop, to be buried as they once were, but a certain cowboy would not leave him alone. He visits the house once a week now and seemed to know Hanzo's schedule, most likely due to Genji's blabbermouth. Hanzo had vaulted out of the window in his room more times than he'd care to admit in just this month alone just to avoid Jesse. It was always easy to tell it was Jesse before he even got close to his room; from his noisy truck, the jingle of his boots at the door, the heavenly combination of scents he gives off that seems to fill his lungs and sit contently like the air he needed-- **no**. Hanzo quickly shook his head, probably appearing odd to the others in the supermarket. Genji had let it slip that Jesse was coming today so he did what any normal person would do. He poured the rest of their milk down the drain and told Genji how they were in need of milk. He would then say he might as well do all the grocery shopping since he was going out. Perfectly normal. Hanzo let out a soft sigh as he locked his phone, placing it back in his pocket. Their grocery list was small so Hanzo dragged his feet in completing it. Instead of getting the items, he'd stand around on his phone reading the news. Jesse could stay anywhere from a few hours until late at night and Hanzo's bike was too loud to just drive past to check. God, how Hanzo wished he had splurged on the video security system now.

Hanzo paid for his groceries and began loading them into his bike. Hanzo's shoulders sank as a silent sigh left him, a cloud of hot air leaving his mouth like a dragon's smoke due to the cooler weather. This could not continue. He can't keep hiding from his brother's friend like this. There was nothing between them anymore; they were strangers. He needed to try and get along with McCree for Genji's sake. Hanzo told himself this over and over as to brace himself. He had only been gone for 2 hours so Jesse was most likely still there. Hanzo climbed onto his bike and got ready to leave but he couldn't help but notice the increase in emergency vehicles racing to the north side of town. Some poor bastard probably had it worse off than him right now and he internally scolded himself for being this way. Hanzo let the bike roar to life and pulled out of the lot toward home, bracing himself for what he had in store.

Hanzo was surprised to see the house dark when he arrived. After all that time he spent bracing himself and Jesse wasn't even here? Hanzo knew he couldn't be mad at the cowboy but he still was in a way. Hanzo brought the groceries inside, making a face akin to pouting as he put them up. The house was eerily silent for about 2 more hours before there was an awful amount ruckus at the front door. Hanzo sighed and closed his book and replaced the book on his bookshelf, expecting it to be drunk Genji or something similar. Hanzo walked out to the front room and the smell of smoke from an open fire immediately smacked him in the face. He rushed into the room to see Genji standing with Jesse who had a slightly burned sports bag. McCree and Genji's hands and clothes were ash-covered, like they were moving items that were once engulfed in flames. Jesse's expression was anything but joyful. He seemed worried and upset but he was trying to hide it behind a smile and nervous chuckle. When the other two had noticed him, his expression must have revealed his confusion as Genji was quick to try and speak up. However, he seemed nervous and moving in front of Jesse to protect him from Hanzo. Hanzo's eyes narrowed as he examined the two of them further, trying to take in their body language. Is Jesse staying the night? That bag was very full for only one night.. Hanzo paled a bit as his thoughts slowly came together. He'd noticed when McCree left their home, he'd travel to the northern side of town. **The emergency vehicles.** Hanzo swallowed and put his usual expression on, avoiding eye contact with the cowboy and hoping he was wrong, “Why are you so filthy, brother? Are you alright?” Genji let out a nervous laugh and scratched the back of his head, “I am perfectly fine but ehehe.. I need to talk to you about something.” Hanzo's eyebrow twitched, praying to all that would listen that this wasn't turning out as he guessed. “Very well.” Hanzo pushed himself off the wall after attempting a casual pose on it before Genji had noticed him. Hanzo walked closer, the scent of smoke burning his nose but he pushed it aside. He grabbed his younger brother by the upper arm and pulled him into the kitchen with him. He turned to Genji and his expression slipped up, letting his anger show some. Genji put his hands up in defense with another nervous laugh, “_L-let me explain, ok??_” Hanzo huffed and stood up straight again, crossing his arms and staring his brother down. “_Jesse's apartment complex caught fire.. Half of his apartment was hit pretty bad._” Hanzo's whole body tensed; this was going exactly as he thought. “_Jesse said he didn't have anywhere to go as his parents' house had no room for him so I.._” Genji hesitated and it was understandable as Hanzo's expression was currently unreadable but Genji knew that Hanzo was not happy. “_I told him he could live here until everything was settled..._” It felt like someone had knocked the wind out of his lungs and he just stood, staring at his brother who was fidgeting more than usual from his nerves. Hanzo glanced through the archway at Jesse who seemed uncomfortable and guilty, wringing the strap of his bag tightly between his hands. **You have got to be fucking kidding me.**

After 5 minutes of silence, Genji tried to speak up, “_Hanzo. It is--_” Hanzo rose a hand to silence his brother, “_Fine. It is fine._” Genji seemed very surprised by Hanzo's response. Hanzo brought his hand to his mouth and lightly ran it through his facial hair. This was not ideal; it was the OPPOSITE of ideal if anything but Hanzo decided to think about it differently. This wasn't Jesse McCree. This was a man who lost half his possessions and seeking refuge in their home. Hanzo couldn't turn him away; especially since this was Genji's friend and boss. It made Hanzo sick to his stomach and his face contorted in discomfort but he let out another sigh as he shook his head. “_I would rather you invite him here than leave him homeless; it would be dishonorable to do such a thing._” Genji stared at his older brother for a moment before a big grin broke onto his face. He wrapped an arm around his brother's shoulders which made Hanzo jolt slightly, “_Aniki! Are you finally warming up to him?_” Genji's tone was teasing but he also seemed very happy the Hanzo wasn't running away anymore. Hanzo's body relaxed ever so slightly at his brother's smile, “_Do not be so foolish. I merely do not wish for his homelessness to be on my conscience._” Genji's grin didn't lessen as he pulled Hanzo with him out of the kitchen and back to Jesse in the main room, “Hey Jess! The big grouch is okay with you staying!” McCree seemed surprised as his eyes met Hanzo's. Hanzo blushed softly and looked away, pulling himself from his brother's grasp and standing straight again. “He will be staying in the guest room near your room.” Their house had two guest rooms, one near each brother's room. Hanzo had objected but Genji decreed it so he couldn't really fight it. Genji's shit-eating grin didn't fade, “I'll go make up the room!” Before Hanzo could say anything, Genji was gone, leaving him and Jesse alone. It was awkward between them and the silence seem to drag on before Jesse spoke and forced himself to look at Hanzo, “Sorry bout this, darlin' I know ya dun like me too much so I'll try to stay outta the way--” Hanzo rose a hand to stop him. Jesse blinked for a moment with his mouth still open from having been mid sentence but he eventually collected himself and remained silent. “McCree.” Hanzo began. He did not want Jesse to misunderstand his intentions, “I only admitted you to stay as you are important to Genji and your existence helps him greatly... However...” His eyes narrowed and he glared at McCree, “You have plenty of money. You could easily hold stay at a hotel. I do not know your intentions but know that I will be watching.” Jesse tried to say something but it was interrupted when Hanzo grabbed the collar of his plaid shirt and pull him forward. Hanzo stood on his toes to meet his eyes, his face contorted in one of hatred and distrust. “If you do him wrong, I will not hesitate to put an arrow through your skull. Do I make myself clear?” Jesse tried to play it off and act like Hanzo was being dramatic but he stopped dead in his tracks when Hanzo growled it out again, “**Do I make myself clear?**” Jesse swallowed, “Uh... Crystal, darlin'..” Hanzo released Jesse with a small push, enough to make the bigger man stumble back a bit.

Genji called Hanzo from upstairs which Hanzo thought was odd. Hanzo walked over and look up the stairs to another nervous look of Genji's face, “So... I forgot to tell you but... when I was drinking with Jesse about 2 weeks ago, I... broke the upstairs guest bed...” Jesse snorted from the memory but quickly shut up after receiving a harsh glare from Hanzo. Hanzo's expression hardened as his brows furrowed further, “May I ask how..?” Genji let out another laugh and scratched his cheek, “It was supposed to be a cool ninja trick but I messed up a bit.” This night could not get any worse. Hanzo turned to Jesse after collecting himself and gestured for him to follow, walking down the hall and making McCree rush to catch up. Hanzo opened the door to the simple guest room and pointed for Jesse to go inside. The cowboy gave a quick hat tip and walked inside to avoid upsetting Hanzo further. Hanzo gave Jesse one more glare before walking to his own room. He quietly closed his door and let his head fall forward to collide with it. Hanzo wished he could travel to the heavens and slay whichever divine being was getting a kick out of making him miserable. It was a foolish fictitious thought but Hanzo didn't know what else to think right now. He was going to be stuck living with his ex for god knows how long and that thought alone made him want to crash his head into his door. Hanzo let out a sigh of defeat. He had told himself he'd make an effort for Genji and he guessed this was the best chance he'd get.


	6. Chapter 6

McCree was having a terrible day. It still seemed fake. McCree and Genji were hanging out again and Jesse was feeling a little bummed that Hanzo was hiding from him again. It was obvious to him and he was sure Hanzo knew that he knew but it didn't stop him from running away whenever he showed up. Jesse felt a little bad for coming around so often but he knew Hanzo was the key to his missing memories and he just needed that push. McCree huffed and stood up from his seat. Genji watched him confused, “What's wrong, Jesse?” “I'm gonna go smoke for a hot minute while you finish setting up.” McCree was already pulling out a cigar and lighter, leaving the rest of his things with Genji. He walked downstairs and out into the back yard, lighting his cigar as soon as the door was closed. He took a long drag of his cigar and slowly exhaled the tension in his body. He knew he didn't have a right to be angry at Hanzo for avoiding him but he still was. He tightened his left hand into a fist a few times as to work out some of these pent up emotions. He couldn't speak to Genji about this otherwise he'd probably ban him from their house. Genji seemed to like teasing his brother but he was also very protective of him. This whole situation was a mess. McCree had given up on recovering his memories but ever since that dream about Hanzo, he's been uncharacteristically determined to recover them. It wasn't only for his sake but also Hanzo's. He felt like he was the reason Hanzo was the way he was. Genji had told McCree a few stories about Hanzo before they separated and it seemed he didn't have such high walls back then; like he wasn't afraid of letting others in as much. Hell, Genji even told him that he and Hanzo would pull a few pranks on the family elders which seems very much not like Hanzo now. Jesse ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. This was a fucking mess and his head was pounding again. Time to get some more medicine.

Jesse snuffed out his cigar on his metal hand and walked back upstairs. Right as he was about to open the door, Genji opened it and crashed into him in a panic. Jesse managed to catch him before they fell, “Whoa! Where's the rush, parder?” Genji quickly shoved his phone into Jesse's hand with a worried expression. Jesse cocked an eyebrow and looked at the caller ID before quickly taking the call, “Gabe? What's going on??” Gabe never called Genji unless absolutely necessary; he'd always rather text. “Where the fuck are you, Jesse?! I called you 5 times!” Jesse quickly entered the room and picked up his phone and there it was, 5 missed calls from Gabe. “Shit! Sorry Gabe, I had stepped out--” “Don't worry about that. Where are you right now?” He sounded rushed and it had Jesse worried, “I'm at the Shimada's place--” “Have you checked the news at all?” Jesse blinked and pulled up the news on his phone. He stared blankly at the live video feed of his home on fire. He couldn't breathe for a moment but finally remembered how. He couldn't bring himself to say anything. Sure, his apartment wasn't much but it had been his home for +8 years. Gabe broke the silence, “Me and Jack are heading over now. Meet us there.” The line went dead but Jesse still held the phone as he watched the screen of his own. Genji moved to get McCree's attention by taking his phone back, “Jesse. We have to go.” McCree suddenly sprang to life, closing his phone and grabbing his keys. Him and Genji bolted from the house and sped toward McCree's apartment.

By time they got there, the fire had been extinguished but the building was in rough shape near the top, near McCree's apartment. Jesse tried to go inside but was stopped by emergency personnel, claiming it was too dangerous. Jesse tried to fight his way through until a hand was placed on his shoulder. He turned to fight that person too but it was Gabe. Gabe shook his head, making Jesse huff but back off. Gabe spoke with the personnel and they were let through. Having retired police officer/solider adoptive fathers with a ridiculous amount of connections had its perks sometimes. When they managed to get up to Jesse's apartment, Jack was already there taking pictures. Jesse just stared at the destruction that was his home and couldn't speak. Gabe shook his head and gestured for Genji to follow him to get some things. Once Jesse snapped out of it, he worked with Jack to figure out what all was damaged for the insurance. They were all covered in ash when they were done. Gabe and Genji had gone to collect some of Jesse's clothes and other needs as he obviously couldn't live here with the large hole burned into his living room. The building settled a bit and they all quickly left the building in case it was at risk of collapsing which McCree hoped it would not. Once they were back down on solid ground, they walked Jesse back to his truck and Jack pulled him aside, “Where will you be staying? I'd say with me and Gabe but we are having the house remodeled and thus are stuck in a small hotel until its done.” Jesse ran a hand through his hair, griping it slightly, “I don't rightly know.” “Why don't you stay at a higher end hotel? That way you have security from any ravenous fans trying to peek in your windows. Or maybe a lover's?” Jesse sighed at Jack's attempt to make a joke. Jack was much better at telling dad jokes since his tone was always so harsh and matter-of-fact but Jesse appreciated the effort. They had told Jesse that he had never had a serious relationship with anyone around them but he was away a lot during college before the accident so they don't know if he'd ever been with someone. A sudden thought popped into his head as he glanced at Genji. This was a terrible awful thing to do but Jesse was desperate. He wanted to remember what happened-- no. That's not right. Jesse didn't care about the memories; he cared about Hanzo and wanted to fix what broke him. He just knew that **he** was at fault and he needed to figure out what happened to fix it. He turned back to Jack, “I'm gonna find a friend ta stay with.” Jack had followed Jesse's eyes to Genji before and just nodded at his decision. They grouped back up and Jesse approached Genji hesitantly, “Hey Genji, I gotta we favor ta ask ya..” Genji gave him his attention but looked like he knew what was about to be asked. Jesse internally cursed Genji for making him ask anyway, “Is it alright if I stay with y'all for a lil while? I don't really have anywhere else to go that I won't be hounded by fans.” Genji turned to Gabe with a cocked eyebrow who shook his head, “Our house is being remodeled right now so we're stuck in a hotel ourselves.” Genji crossed his arms and sunk into thought for a moment before sighing and looking up at Jesse again, “I don't mind at all Jesse but... we will need to ask my brother. With his behavior around you, I'm unsure how he'd react to this.” “We can try at least, yeah? If he says no, I'll figure somethin' out.” Jesse gave him a confident smile and that seemed to make Genji relax a bit and agree.

They all said their goodbyes and parted ways. The drive back to the Shimada's was silent and a bit tense, both of them worried about Hanzo's reaction. When Genji finally spoke, Jesse jumped and yanked the steering wheel causing him to swerve a bit before correcting himself, “Jezums Genji..” Genji pouted a bit, “I didn't do anything. You were the one sinking deep into thought.” Genji was teasing, trying to be lighthearted in wake of Jesse's current situation which McCree appreciated, “Alright. You got my attention now so what's up?” Genji sat back in his seat a bit, “When we get there, do not say a word to my brother until I speak to him. That is the best chance we have at letting you stay.” Jesse laughed a bit, “No worries darlin'. I'm not in a chatty mood anyway.” Genji silently nodded and they drove in silence to the house.

When they arrived, Genji noticed Hanzo's bedroom light was dimly on and told Jesse he was home. Jesse couldn't stop his sigh. He didn't want the extra stress but this was his only shot to get closer to Hanzo. They both entered the house and it didn't take long for Hanzo to come out of his room to check out the commotion. Hanzo leaned on the wall, arms crossed as he stared the two down, analyzing them. When he saw the bag, his eyes narrowed and Jesse knew he had already figured it out. Hanzo eventually spoke but seemed to look only at his brother, “Why are you so filthy, brother? Are you alright?” Genji let out a nervous laugh and scratched the back of his head, “I am perfectly fine but ehehe.. I need to talk to you about something.” Hanzo's body stiffened and McCree felt his guilt raise more. This was a very bad idea. The brothers walked off into the kitchen and all Jesse could hear was Japanese, not like he was focused enough to eavesdrop. Jesse wrung the shoulder strap of his bag tightly between both hands as he looked down toward the floor. He was such a selfish jackass for doing this to Hanzo but he had to. Hanzo was hiding from him and all McCree wanted to do was fix what he ruined; the best he could anyway.

Jesse practically jumped out of his skin when Genji called him. He turned to see Genji pulling Hanzo toward him by the arm wrapped around his shoulders with his trademark grin. Jesse's eyes met Hanzo's for just a moment before Hanzo quickly looked away, embarrassed. It was so cute but short lived as he had quickly composed himself back into his usual hard-ass self. They spoke a bit about the room he was staying in but Jesse was a bit distracted. This was the longest he'd been in Hanzo's presence without making him upset so that's a start; at least that's what he thought. As soon as Genji left, it quickly grew awkward and Jesse did the only thing he knew which was run his mouth. Hanzo didn't seem to be having it as he stopped him. Jesse was fine with listening to him but he saw the anger that pooled in his dark eyes, his expression laced with dislike and distrust. Oh fuck. Jesse tried to speak but the words died when Hanzo grabbed his shirt and pulled him to his level. Is it bad that it was kinda hot? Probably. Jesse tried to defuse the situation but when that didn't work, he just quietly agreed. He could only function with one head at a time it seemed. Hanzo pushed him back and while he tried to balance himself, Hanzo went to check on Genji after he was called. McCree stood up straight again and listened a bit to them but had to stifle a laugh when Genji mentioned the ninja trick incident from 2 weeks prior. The glare Hanzo gave Jesse should have made his blood run cold but it had the opposite effect. His eyes were full of anger and his expression matched but that wasn't what McCree was smitten by currently. It was the dominance he held over the situation and him. Jesse quickly shook his head and rubbed a hand down his face. He was probably just tired. He noticed Hanzo gesturing him and walking off without him. Jesse rushed to catch up, almost crashing into the shorter man when he stopped in the middle of the hallway. Hanzo pointed toward an open door. Jesse tried to will himself to speak, say 'Thank you' or 'Have a good night' but he couldn't find his words. He settled for a small hat tip before booking it inside the room and closing the door. With a heavy sigh, he set the bag down and flopped into the bed. That was a bit embarrassing but oh well. Jesse's done worse to make a fool of himself. He heard the sound of a door close from the next room over and his eyes shot open in realizing where he was. He was next to Hanzo's room? He really should have been paying attention to what was being said. He relaxed a bit against the bed. Was it bad that this information made him a bit happy? Probably but he didn't care. McCree let his eyes close again and he quickly drifted off. It had been a long day.

There was the sound of metal colliding and sizzling but that's not what woke up the living dead that was Jesse McCree; it was the smell. His stomach growled loudly which made Jesse groan since it meant he couldn't lay in bed any longer. As he sat up, he realized he was still in his clothes from the day before and he knew he didn't smell the best. The cowboy walked into the joined bathroom and took a quick shower, letting the hot water soothe the aches in his body. He wasn't as young as he used to be and running up all those stairs last night had did a number on him. Not to mention the stresses of the band finally beginning work on an album. He sighed and just let the water pour over him. About 15 minutes later, he stepped out and dried off before throwing on some pajama pants. He didn't even bother with underwear as his rumbling stomach persisted. He stepped out of his room and let the scent guide him. His hair was drying and becoming slightly unruly from not combing it but he didn't care, or at least he didn't until he entered the kitchen and remembered where he exactly was. Two pairs of eyes looked at him but only one being happy to see him, “Good morning, Jesse. I'm surprised you are up before noon.” Genji teased. Jesse was a bit embarrassed about his state; he wasn't even wearing a shirt or underwear in someone else's house. He rubbed the back of his head and laughed a bit, “Yeah well, I'm so hungry I could eatta horse.” Genji pulled out the chair next to himself at the island and gestured for Jesse to sit before stuffing his face with another pancake. “It's alright Genji. I don't wanna intrude--” “I think you've already intruded enough.” Jesse was about to retort before Hanzo continued, “I already made enough for 3 so sit down and eat before I change my mind.” Hanzo didn't even look at him as he sipped his tea. McCree sighed in defeat as he sat down, “Thank ya kindly.” He took a few pancakes but was mostly after the bacon, “So... you fellas got a coffee machine round 'ere?” Genji pointed with his fork at a single serve coffee machine, “Hanzo uses it for his rough days. The pods are in the cabinet above it with the mugs. Help yourself.” Jesse nodded and got up to get some coffee made. He inspected the pods and pouted. They were all sickeningly sweet. He turned to the other two, “Uh... Do ya got anything that isn't bout to give me diabetes?” Hanzo set down his tea and looked at Jesse, “Do you have a problem with my taste in coffee?” Their eyes met and it felt like a challenge, “I just prefer black coffee but I uh... This'll do. Thank ya.” Jesse settled for the most mellow flavor he could and prepared it.

The three of them sat quietly and ate. Once Genji was done stuffing his face, Jesse and Genji began chatting about work while Hanzo silently seemed to be listening. After a while of talking, Jesse felt eyes on him. He glanced at Hanzo out of the corner of his eye and saw his staring at his left arm, specifically where his prosthetic met his flesh. Hanzo's eyes seemed sad but he seemed to be trying to hide it behind his second cup of tea. Jesse wanted to say something but left it as his eyes traveled to Hanzo's tattooed arm the was exposed from his tank top. In his only memory of Hanzo, Hanzo's tat had started at his shoulder and began traveling down his arm but it was unfinished back then. Now it had fully gone down his arm which was fine but what caught Jesse's attention was that the tattoo poured over his shoulder and onto his chest. In the memory, the tat was deliberately started on the shoulder and would have been difficult to continue off of. Why did he extend it? Jesse internally sighed and just shook the thought from his head. He stood up and began collecting dishes. Hanzo seemed to have broken free of his daze and spoke up, “I will take care of the dishes. Leave them.” “No can do, darlin'. Since ya cooked, I'll clean. It's the least I could do.” Jesse gave him a grin and Hanzo seemed to hesitate before sighing, “Very well.” Hanzo leaned back in his chair a bit. Jesse got to work on all the dishes and, after a moment, felt eyes on him again. He glanced over his shoulder and his eyes met Hanzo's. He smirked when Hanzo blushed a bit. Hanzo quickly got up and went into the backyard which made Jesse laugh a bit. Maybe this wasn't gonna be so bad.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay on this chapter! The holiday kicked my ass at work and I had no time to write. As an apology, take some actual development lol My goal is to have this fic done by the end of February!

Hanzo grumbled to himself as he adjusted his tie in the bathroom. His brother and Jesse had been up late the previous night with their 'work' if it can even be called that. It sounded more like goofing off than anything. Hanzo shook the thoughts from his head. Regardless of his feelings about Jesse, Genji was happy and living out his dream. Hanzo found himself using that excuse more and more to justify himself when he knew that his heart was just holding conflicting feeling for Jesse McCree. Hanzo made sure he was properly dressed and left his room. It was 5am which was normally the time Hanzo woke up but Jesse seemed to wake up at the same time. He'd offer Hanzo rides which he'd refuse and then Jesse would, of course, want a reason. Hanzo didn't feel like coming up with more excuses when it was purely not wanting to be in an enclosed space with him. Hanzo quickly gathered his things when he heard Jesse's shower turn on and head out into the brisk early morning air. It was late November and they had already received a bit of snow. '_A lovely morning to forget your coat._' Hanzo thought to himself with a defeated sigh. He had already walked about 2 blocks before realizing and, while that wasn't far, he wasn't about to risk running into Jesse. Hanzo crossed his arms and trudged the rest of the way to work with only a thin dress shirt to cover him.

With the help of a warm coffee from a local shop, Hanzo managed to make it to work without any issue. Hanzo went up to his floor and set his bag on the desk, pulling out his company issued laptop. Hanzo didn't want McCree to know anything about the bullying and the best way to do that is to bring nothing with him. He'd been skipping lunches and using his phone as little as possible to save battery life. It wasn't pleasant but with the holiday season among them, it was the only peace he could get since they were too busy to come up with ways to get at him. Hanzo leaned back in his chair and sighed, stretching his arms over his head. It was only then that Hanzo noticed his phone vibrating in his pocket. Confused, he pulled it out to see an unknown number. His expression soured. Did an office brute find out his number again? The last few times they had gotten a hold of it, they signed him up for so much junk that the phone was rendered useless until the number was changed. He was about to decline the call but noticed that this wasn't some 1-800 number or number from out of state, it was local. He got up from his desk and got into the elevator to go to the roof and answer, “...Hello?” It was weird answering his personal phone without it being his brother on the other line. His phone only had two contacts, Genji and his work and he was honestly worried it was Jesse at first. The deep voice that replied to his greeting instantly eased his worries. He had heard this voice a few times at the house while he was hiding-- **relaxing** in his room; it was Genji and Jesse's manager. Yet, a new worry formed in his head. Why would he be contacting Hanzo? Did something happen to Genji?? “So, you are Genji's brother, eh?” Hanzo was a bit thrown off by his sudden question which pulled him from his thoughts. Hanzo walked out onto the roof before answering, “Ah.. Yes I am...sir?” Hanzo had never gotten the man's name but his response seemed to make him laugh, “Gabe. It's Gabe, kid.” Hanzo pouted a bit at being called a kid at his age but he buried it before speaking, “Then.. Gabe, may I ask the purpose of this call? I am currently at work so please, keep it brief.” Gabe sounded to be thinking for a moment before speaking, “Then could you meet me for dinner when you get off? I have somethings I'd like to discuss with you since your brother is partly in my care now.” Hanzo hesitated but agreed when he realized it meant he didn't have to go home right away. “I cannot guarantee what time I will get off.” Gabe's voice sounded like he was grinning, “Then let's meet at a bar near your place. I don't mind waiting.” Hanzo agreed and they hung up. Hanzo let out a sigh of relief that nothing had happened and it was just an invitation to a formality dinner. Hanzo put his phone away and returned to work.

It was about 9pm when Hanzo got off. Apparently, due to the holidays drawing nearer, the higher ups were monitoring the time clock more closely to avoid paying more for the holidays. Hanzo shrugged; he didn't really care about why if it meant he'd get out at the same time for the next month and a half. He walked for about 20 minutes to the only bar by home. He stepped inside and before he even looked up, he was greeted by the staff yelling in unison, “Yo! It's the assassin!” Hanzo was a bit embarrassed by the nickname even if he was formally trained as one. The only reason they called him that is because they called his brother 'the ninja' and because Hanzo was so quiet and stern that they felt he was more of an assassin. He cursed that he was such a regular that he had earned a nickname, more so when he heard the familiar deep voice laughing from a booth. Hanzo looked over to the darker-skinned man with a beanie and goatee to the pale man with blond hair who were waving him over. Hanzo walked over and sat opposite of them, setting his bag on the empty spot beside him, “My apologies. I hope you were not waiting long.” Gabe spoke up with a smile, “Not long at all, kid. I ordered some food to snack on. I figured we could save the alcohol until after we finish business.” Hanzo nodded in agreement but couldn't help but notice how the blond was staring at him. Hanzo couldn't read his expression and decided it was best not to try or risk getting caught. Gabe spoke to get his attention again, “Well, since you are always hiding whenever I come around, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Gabriel Reyes. I'm the manager of the band Blackwatch and Jesse's step father. The blond next to him nodded, “Jack Morrison. Jesse's other step father.” They both extended a hand and Hanzo stood to shake both of them, “Hanzo Shimada. Pleasure to make your acquaintance.” He bowed a bit before sitting back down.

Hanzo and Gabe spoke a while about his plans for the band. They had received a very positive response from the samples they've released in hopes of building hype for the album. Most of the terms went over Hanzo's head but he nodded along since it all sounded like good things. Jack remained silent, sipping on some water. After a while, alcohol was bought for them all. Jack would sip at his glass but Gabe was slamming it back as hard as Hanzo. Hanzo had been very stressed but he didn't feel comfortable drinking around Jesse yet since alcohol is one of the factors that led to his incarceration in the first place. Somehow, Gabe had made Hanzo comfortable to drink.

Hanzo wasn't black out drunk but he knew he'd stumble if he stood. Gabe was laughing louder than he should; he wasn't even as drunk as Hanzo. His laugh made even Hanzo chuckle along as the joked about idle day to day things. “--He even pulled his eyes to resemble an Asian's and actually said 'Ching chong ding dong'. I cannot make this up, it was idiotic. I understand racism will not disappear but can they not be original?” Hanzo's words made Gabe almost spit out his drink with a laugh. “I understand how you feel. I went to get some Chinese take out the other night and the little punk at the counter asked if I was in the wrong building and point to the building to the right which was a fuckin' TacoBell. What year is this? 2014?” Hanzo and Gabe both threw back their drinks and slammed the glasses down before laughing a bit again.

Jack cleared his throat, “Hey Hanzo. I have a question for you.” His serious tone was quickly killing Hanzo's happy vibe which led to his being a bit annoyed. He furrowed his brows, “Yes?” He watched as Jack pulled out a burnt photo. The edges were black but it seemed the image itself was unharmed. Jack held the photo in a way where Hanzo could only see the white back of it, “How long have you know Jesse?” Hanzo seemed a bit confused. He had met this Jesse a few months ago and he figured his parents would know that. “A few months. Why?” Jack's eyebrow twitched from his effort to keep a blank expression. He set the photo in front on Hanzo, “Is that not you then?” Hanzo looked at the photo, lifting it into his hands and trying to get his eyes to focus on it. Once they finally did, his eyes widened and grip tightened on the photo. His hands were shaking. It was a picture of Jesse and Hanzo from college the morning after they had gotten drunk one night and decided to get tattoos. Hanzo remembers the night well: They both had just left Jesse's band mate's house, both heavily intoxicated. They leaned on each other to try and walk seemingly normally but when Jesse stopped suddenly, Hanzo almost fell. He growled and turned to demand why he had stopped but Jesse grabbed his hand and pulled him into a tattoo parlor. Hanzo was very confused, “Jesse? Why are we in here?” Jesse turned to him and pulled him into a hug and sloppy kiss. It was brief but deep and it managed to leave Hanzo dazed for a moment. “Hanzo, darlin' sweetpea. I love ya so much an' I wanna show the world who I belong ta. So... I wanna get our names tattooed on each other!” Jesse's smile was blinding but even then, Hanzo was hesitant. “What if I do not want to get your name permanently printed onto my body?” They had only been dating for a year but Hanzo didn't know the milestones of a relationship since he had never been in one. Jesse's grin didn't falter much, “It's alright if ya dun wanna. I'm still gonna do it though. You just mean that much to me!” Hanzo was captivated by that smile and mixed with the alcohol in his system, he decided to do it. “I will join you but allow me to go first. I have an idea in mind.” Jesse seemed to be okay with it.

Jesse politely waited, not even peeking at what tattoo Hanzo was getting. Hanzo thought it was cute that he wanted it to be a surprise. Hanzo had managed to draw the design despite his inebriated state and the artist got to work. The design wasn't crazy extravagant as it was just Jesse's name but it was being tattooed in Hanzo's finest handwriting, making it more personal to Hanzo. He had it tattooed on his left pectoral where many believed the heart resides rather than the center of the chest. Once it was done, Hanzo got up and walked over to Jesse, “Well? Is it to your liking?” Jesse turned and just stared for a moment in awe. He placed his hand on his chest near the tattoo but was gentle of the sensitive skin, “Oh.. Oh Haneybee..” He gave Hanzo a deep kiss and before Hanzo could get lost in it, he pulled away which made Hanzo grumble a bit. Jesse grinned, “Now it's my turn. No peeking!” He made Hanzo sit in a chair by the door before going over to the artist and whispering to her.

It felt like forever before Jesse finished. It took so long the Hanzo had dozed off in the chair only to be awoken by a hand caressing his cheek. He groaned and looked up at his grinning cowboy. He smiled softly and tried to snuggled back into his hand but it was pulled away. Hanzo pouted and moved to sit up, rubbing the sleep from his eye. “Are ya ready, darlin'?” Hanzo was worried Jesse's grin was going to split his face. He was mildly confused before remembering where they were. He quickly stood and looked over Jesse's body. He noticed Jesse was hiding his dominant left hand behind his back. He felt himself get a little sad. He knew it was selfish but he was disappointed it was just a small tattoo on the arm. Hanzo gave him a small smile and nodded for him to show him. Jesse's grin did not lessen as he brought his arm around and watched as Hanzo stared wide-eyed. It was not a small tattoo. It took up almost his entire forearm. There was writing going up his arm that read 'Property of 島田半蔵 (Hanzo Shimada)'. It was surrounded with sakura trees in a sumi-e style. Hanzo was floored to know someone would get such a tattoo for him. Did Jesse trust him that much? If they were to break up, it would be so hard to get that removed. Hanzo couldn't help himself as he wrapped his arms behind Jesse's neck and pulled him into a deep kiss. He was so in love with this cowboy that he felt nothing could come between them. Their kiss was interpreted when the tattoo artist had walked up and cleared her throat. Hanzo was a bit embarrassed as he went to put his shirt back on and Jesse went to pay. They both walked out of the shop, having sobered up a bit and began walking to Hanzo's apartment hand in hand.

Hanzo was shaken from his thoughts when a drop of water hit the picture. He then realized he was crying. He set the image down and quickly tried to wipe his eyes. Jack spoke up, “I'll ask again.** How long have you known Jesse McCree?**” Hanzo hesitated, trying to think of the answer through the fog of alcohol and emotions. “...I had met Jesse when he was 20 and I 21. We were classmates.” “This picture says you were closer than 'classmates'.” Jack narrowed his eyes and Hanzo had to look away, “...We were in a relationship, yes.” “Then where were you on Jesse's 23rd birthday at 3:43 am?” Jack snarled at Hanzo. Hanzo paled and quickly looked up at him, “Why do you ask such a question? What happened on that day?” He asked almost too quickly. “That was Jesse's accident. July 5th at 3:43am. Now answer the question. I had tried to call the name in Japanese in his phone surrounded by hearts but it went straight to voicemail every time. I'm assuming that was your number.” Hanzo felt sick. He had been arrested 2 hours prior. Jesse didn't come see him because he was in a fucking coma?! What happened? Why did Jesse abandon him at the party. Was it his intention to leave him to get caught and karma did him in? Hanzo pushed the thought away. He did not believe in such things. Hanzo covered his mouth, feeling the bile sit in the back of his throat. Jack slammed a fist on the table, “Answer the question.” Gabe tried to get him to calm down while Hanzo struggled to swallow the raising bile. He took a breath before answering, “...We had gotten into a large fight before I had left for a trip... I had lost my phone shortly after the fight...” He hoped his lie had convinced them. He did not want them to know the truth. Not yet anyway. Jack growled and Gabe placed a hand on his shoulder, “Calm down, Jackie. He didn't cause the accident. Besides, it's been 15 years. It's best to let sleeping dogs lie.” Jack let out a sigh and nodded, “I'll go get the car. I think we are done here.” He gave a slightly apologetic glance to Hanzo before getting up and walking out.

Hanzo couldn't raise his head and they sat in silence for a moment. Gabe took a breath before speaking, “I'm sure this is hard for you. I can only imagine and believe me when I say we don't blame you. We are just protective and when I saw a picture of you and your brother in your house, I remembered that picture we found in Jesse's wallet.” Hanzo looked up at the picture. Jesse was already acting like he didn't want Hanzo around by time the accident happened so why did he have that image in his wallet? Hanzo was just so confused and the alcohol didn't help. Gabe seemed to notice and stood up, extending a hand out to Hanzo, “Come on, kid. We will give you a ride home.” Hanzo looked at his hand then up at him before looking back at the cup he was holding, “...Thank you but no. I will stay here a while longer.” Gabe huffed as he stood up straight again. He seemed like he wanted to fight him but also understood at the same time. “...Alright, kid. Get home safe. And you can keep the picture.” He pat Hanzo's shoulder and walked out.

Hanzo sat at the bar staring at the picture until closing. He had drank 2 more bottles of sake before the 2am final call. Hanzo had put the picture in his shirt pocket and carried his bag as he stumbled the 6 blocks to get home. He fumbled the keys, dropping them 3 times before finally unlocking the door. He threw his bag on the armchair when he passed it to collapse on the couch. He was out cold as soon as his body made contact. His head hurt so bad but he heard the sound of a door open before he fully passed out.


	8. Chapter 8

Jesse McCree had been tossing and turning in his bed for hours but sleep continued to elude him. Naturally, his thoughts were on Hanzo, resulting in his inability to sleep; a mix of emotions upon his heart. On one hand, he was annoyed that Hanzo stooped so far as to wake up earlier than him to avoid him but he was also worried as Hanzo wasn't home yet. His eyes drifted to the clock once more; it was almost 3 am. He groaned as he sat up, figuring he could go get some practice done. He shouldn't be worrying about someone like Hanzo. Hanzo is a grown adult and he'd probably be disgusted at Jesse's worrying. Jesse chuckled to himself softly and shook his head.

The sound of keys at the front door got Jesse's attention like a dog who's owner had been away for a week. Relief began to fill McCree and he began to relax against the bed. Hanzo was home safe. Jesse waited for Hanzo to come in but grew confused at how long Hanzo was fiddling with the door. Should Jesse open it for him? McCree had his window open and clearly heard the keys fall several times followed by mumbled and slightly slurred Japanese. Jesse realized what the situation was and his heart sank a bit in sadness. Hanzo had spent his entire night at a bar getting shit-faced and stumbled home. He probably didn't come home unscathed either. McCree got up and had a hand on his doorknob but stopped himself from actually going out there. Did Hanzo do this because of him? Whenever Jesse and Genji were drinking in the living room, Hanzo would always glance at Jesse with an odd look before declining and going either to his room or the shed out back. Jesse knew he still drank as he'd occasionally see Hanzo drinking from the window in the shed but it was always small amounts. Whenever Jesse asked Genji why he'd decline to join them, Genji seemed confused as well but tried to justify that perhaps Hanzo just didn't want to drink in front of a guest. Jesse didn't buy it but dropped it nonetheless. Did Hanzo go to a bar to drink because he was too uncomfortable around Jesse to do it at home?

McCree's thoughts halted when he heard the front door finally open and close. He listened to the uneven steps, the metal of Hanzo's work bag jingling as it was tossed and the eventual thud of a body being thrown on the couch which caused the entire set of furniture to move. After a moment of silence, Jesse's worry got the better of him. Did Hanzo fall and hit his head? The cowboy shook his head and opened the door, stepping out into the hallway. He peeked around the corner into the living room and was relieved to see Hanzo just dead asleep on the couch. Jesse moved closer and examined him. His clothes were dirty from probably falling along the way home. Genji would probably worry if he saw Hanzo like this. He knelt down, placing one arm behind Hanzo's shoulders and the other under his knees, lifting Hanzo up and letting his head rest against his shoulder. Jesse was a bit surprised at how deeply asleep Hanzo was; he didn't even stir when he was moved. Jesse carried Hanzo to his door and mumbled a soft apology before opening the door. McCree had never seen the inside of Hanzo's room until now but he focused on getting Hanzo to bed. Jesse laid him on his right side just in case he threw up and stood, placing his hands on his hips as he looked down at the sleeping man. A tucked dress shirt, belt and slacks with his hair still mostly tied up. Not the most ideal sleeping attire and with an inevitable hangover on the horizon, Jesse figured he should make sure Hanzo was comfortable. First, he removed Hanzo's ribbon, letting his hair fall softly against the pillow. Jesse moved some strands away from his face and found himself fighting and urge to run his fingers through it. He quickly turned his attention to the rest of his body. Untucking the shirt and undoing it should be enough to prevent any discomfort. To be honest, Jesse would rather change him into clean clothes but that would push the boundaries and he was sure not even Genji would forgive him should it be misunderstood. Jesse began unbuttoning his shirt, being careful not to touch any skin. Hanzo's tattoo caught Jesse's eye when it was uncovered. In his only recovered memory, Hanzo's tattoo was strictly on his arm with a very definitive start so McCree couldn't help but be a bit curious how he expanded it. Jesse moved his shirt a bit and tried to see the tattoo in the moonlight the poured through the window. What was originally the tail of the dragon became the leg and the new tail poured onto Hanzo's chest, surrounded by storm clouds like the rest of the tattoo. It wasn't bad by any means. If Jesse didn't know the previous design then he probably wouldn't think twice about it either. McCree noticed a darker spot in one of the storm clouds on his chest. Is that why he expanded it? To cover an old one? He couldn't make out what it was in the low light but it seemed to be a word of some kind. Jesse's head was starting to hurt from thinking about it but Jesse assumed it was lack of sleep.

He pulled his face away, realizing he was getting too close trying to figure it out. When Jesse lifted his head, he noticed something in Hanzo's shirt pocket. He moved to pull it out so it wouldn't get crushed. What even was this burnt thing? A photo? Jesse's curiosity got the better of him and he flipped the photo over, his eyes widening as his head instantly began to pound. He glanced at his now metallic arm then back to the dark spot on Hanzo's chest. The photo fell from his hand as he moved to grip his head. The pounding was unbearable and forced him to rest his head against the edge of Hanzo's bed to try and keep himself from getting dizzier. The memory of the tattoos was slowly coming to him. The memory in which Jesse McCree was completely smitten and head over heals for Hanzo Shimada. “H-Haneybee..?” he struggled to say out loud since thinking hurt too much. It sounded so familiar yet so foreign at the same time. That word alone made his head feel like it was splitting down the middle. It was so intense that he didn't notice the arms wrapping around his head until his face was pull against a warm chest. His eyes shot open and he stilled for a moment. He slowly tried to pull away but Hanzo's grip tightened, “Hush Jesse. I am with you...” Hanzo sleepily muttered, obviously no where near conscious. For some reason, this action.. these words... they soothed Jesse. The pain and nausea dulled to a throbbing in the back of his head. Jesse could not bring himself to pull away. One of Hanzo's hand lazily ran through Jesse's hair and that did him in. McCree's body completely relaxed against the bed as he enjoyed the feeling. This position seemed so familiar and comforting. Jesse's consciousness slipped through his fingers before he could catch himself and he fell asleep with his head in Hanzo's arms.

The next morning was anything but pleasant. Hanzo had woken up before McCree, of course, and flew into a fit. He pushed Jesse over and away from him, “**What are you doing in my room, cowman?**” His voice didn't have nearly as much bite as he probably wanted but he was obviously suffering from a hangover. Jesse sat on his ass, dazed and confused from being pushed and rudely awoken. He quickly woke up fully and stood up, “Hang on there, darlin'! Ya came home real late las' night an' only made it ta the livin' room so I figured you'd rather sleep in a bed. When I got ya inta bed, I got one of my headaches an' had to sit down so it would pass but ya grabbed me in yer sleep an' I couldn't get free so I jus'... gave up and slept?” Hanzo narrowed his eyes. He didn't seem to like that McCree was blaming him but his expression soon melted more into pain from his hangover. “Lemme getcha somethin' fer that hangover.” Before Hanzo could reply, Jesse was already leaving to get the medicine and drink. McCree already knew where it all was since he's had to get it for Genji before and returned to Hanzo quickly. Hanzo begrudgingly took them, taking the medicine before sipping on the drink to make sure it all stayed down. After about 5 minutes of Jesse awkwardly standing there, he tried to speak but Hanzo spoke first, “If what you say is true then I apologize for holding you here overnight.” Jesse couldn't help but grin wide enough to close his eyes as he waved a hand, “It's alright, darlin'. I'm just glad ya made it home. I was worried ya got inta trouble er somethin'.” When Jesse opened his eyes again, he noticed Hanzo's gaze fixated on his metal arm. McCree's shoulders dropped and he hesitated before speaking, “...I miss it too, ya know.” That statement seemed to shake Hanzo out of his thoughts and even Jesse was a bit surprised about what came out of his mouth. Hanzo looked up to Jesse with a slight look of bewilderment but also ...hope? He seemed to have something he wanted to say but Jesse interrupted him. “I'ma go make breakfast. You should hop in the shower and relax. I'll save ya some food if ya can't eat yet.” Jesse tried to be casual as he rushed out of Hanzo's room and closed the door. Jesse knew why Hanzo was staring at his arm but what confused Jesse was his own response. Did he miss his arm? Yes. Did he miss the tattoo? Kind of but that's only because he apparently missed Hanzo more than he thought. Both memories left Jesse with such a warm happy feeling inside him. Not once had he wished this much to go back before his accident and change something. He knew he did Hanzo wrong and he was growing to regret it more and more with each passing interaction. Regardless, Jesse McCree was determined to figure out the truth and try his damnedest to make it right. McCree walked into the kitchen and began making some omelets for the 3 of them. Jesse felt bad for running away like he did but he was afraid of what Hanzo was about to ask. If Jesse were to confirm that he DID remember something after claiming he didn't a few months back, Hanzo would never trust him. McCree heaved a sigh and focused on cooking, trying to stop the rampant thoughts.

It had been about 2 weeks since the event, which Hanzo swore Jesse to secrecy about, happened. Nothing really changed except Jesse and Hanzo were even more awkward around each other. They tried to act normal in front of Genji but Hanzo could no longer make direct eye contact with Jesse and Jesse seemed to trip over his words when speaking to Hanzo. For a known smooth-talker, it was painfully obvious that something was wrong. Genji would always give McCree a look when it happen which just made it worse. Hanzo finished his breakfast and promptly left to walk to work. Jesse didn't ask to give him a ride and Genji decided to speak up, “Did you finally give up, McCree?” He was grinning and Jesse pouted a bit with a huff, “He always says no anyways.” Genji laughed a bit as he got up to wash his dishes. Jesse went to his room to get showered and dressed as they had to meet with Gabe about their album. They had been taking their time with it and it was set to be released after Christmas as to avoid it being overshadowed by holiday cheer. Jesse and Genji were so excited that they already began making songs for another album which is what they were meeting with Gabe about. Jesse put on his boots and hat before meeting Genji at his truck to leave.

McCree hated that Gabe always liked to meet in the morning and at public places of all places. When Jesse asked him to just come over to the Shimada's house, he refused; saying something about being uncomfortable. McCree was confused as Gabe had been there a few times before but begrudgingly agreed to Gabe's terms. They met at a coffee shop and sat at a table in the corner, Jesse's back to the shop to limit him getting recognized. Gabe couldn't hold in a sigh, “You could at least **try** to hide yourself a little. Hell, you could even use that god awful serape from your second country album cover. Your arm and hat give you away too much.” This only made Jesse pout, “You can take away ma serape but ya cannot take away ma freedom!” Jesse had really liked that serape but Gabe and Jack told him he'd draw too much attention wearing it constantly. Who's laughing now? Gabe rolled his eyes and drank a bit of coffee before setting the cup on the table, “Anyway, niño, what's this I'm hearing about a second album?” Jesse grinned as he leaned back his chair and flicking his hat up a bit more, “Well, we just gots more ideas but ya see, the problem is that the mood of these new ones is almost the same as this album. My idea was making a part 2 album if this first one sells well. Instead of 'Recall' it can be somethin' like 'Post-Recall'.” Gabe smiled a bit, “Your name sucks but the premise sounds like it could be a good idea IF this album sells well.” Gabe sipped his coffee again and Jesse's grin grew. Jesse liked that Gabe liked to make any small reason to come see him. This conversation could easily be held over the phone but Gabe wanted to see them in person. When Jesse was first recovering, it was always Jack who was there with him since he did more office work than field work. Gabe was the opposite which led to many bumps in their relationship but Jesse is happy to call him a father now. Jack was always very strict and didn't seem to care at first but Jesse realized that he just struggled to show it. After Jack and Gabe retired, Jesse's music career really took off with their support and he is still so grateful to them. He even gives them 70% of his revenue.

After a couple hours of screwing around and disturbing the people around them, the 3 of them leave and say their goodbyes in the parking lot. Jesse and Genji made their way back to the house and walk inside, Jesse and then Genji. Genji stood at the door after closing it and called to Jesse in a tone that confused him and sent a zap of anxiety straight to his gut, “Yeah, darlin'?” “Did something happen between you and Hanzo? He's been acting odd for a few weeks now.” Genji's eyes narrowed at the cowboy, “Around you specifically..” He growled a bit. Jesse paled and began to internally panic before coming to the conclusion that he can't hide it anymore, he needed to tell **someone**, “Let's go sit and chat for a bit.” This seemed to make Genji suspicious and he grew irritated that Jesse was acting guilty, “Just tell me, McCree.” Jesse just looked up at him with a sort of sad smile, “I got some of ma memories back an' I wanna tell ya what I know. It has to do with yer brother.” Genji's expression shifted to one of concern. Genji sat in the armchair next to the couch Jesse sat at. McCree rested his elbows on his knees and folded his hands together. He hung his head a bit as he spoke, “Me and yer brother... dated before.” This alone shocked Genji and he seemed to be struggling to stay still and quiet about it. Jesse smiled a bit before continuing, “I'm not sure fer how long but it had to be at least a year er two. We had tattoos of each other's names even.” Genji was confused but Jesse answered his question before he could ask, “Mine was on ma left arm an' his was on the left pectoral. He got his covered up and mine... well..” He moved his metal fingers as he spoke. Genji nodded that he understood, “Then what happened if you guys were that in love?” “I'm not sure. I haven't uncovered much but judgin' from Hanzo's reactions to me, **I** did somethin' bad. Real bad.” Jesse sighed, removing his hat to comb through his hair with his hand. Genji's eye narrowed again, “So... you hurt my Aniki..?” Jesse panicked, “H-Hey now, darlin'! It was 15 some odd years ago! I'ma changed man who doesn't even know what he did!” Genji's eyes narrowed more but his expression shifted to one of exasperation, “..When we first reunited, he refused to tell me anything about his life in America. If what you say is true, that would explain a few years of it but there's still a 5-6 year gap that I have no idea what happened to him.” Jesse crossed his arms and thought for a moment, “Since he wasn't around when I finally came to and since Gabe didn't know y'all, I'm gonna assume we must have broken up before my accident.” Both men sat in silence. They knew that the only way to figure it out would most likely be by asking Hanzo himself. Knowing Hanzo, that wouldn't end well either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I take- 2 steps forward, I take 2- steps- Back..! ...more like 5 steps back tho
> 
> I'm not sure if I'm gonna do a Hanzo chapter next or Genji. Feel free to let me know if you have a preference!


	9. Chapter 9

Genji sat on the first story roof, concealed in the shadow cast from the overhang of the upper roof. He was thankful that the snow they had received was not in that spot so he didn't freeze as he watched for his brother. As soon as Jesse's shower had turned on, Genji heard Hanzo quickly gather his things and rush out of the house once again. A silent sigh escaped Genji. It had been a few weeks since McCree told Genji about his memories and Hanzo seemed more intent on avoiding him than ever. Jesse had asked Genji to watch his brother to see what exactly was happening and to see if he was actually being avoided. Looks like that makes it a yes. Genji hopped down, being careful not to disturb the snow. There wasn't a reason to it; just a force of habit. Genji straightened out his clothes a bit when he stood up fully. Genji was feeling very conflicted currently. On one hand, he wanted to stay out of Hanzo's business and respect his space but on the other hand, he wanted to help his brother to get over whatever had hurt him and help him to heal. Genji ran a hand through his hair as he walked back inside. This really wasn't the time to be thinking about this. Genji and Jesse had to meet with Gabe and the rest of the band to celebrate their albums success. Within the first week of it release, it had hit the top of the charts which, of course, made Genji happy but it was bittersweet. Genji worried that this may cause issues for Hanzo in some way. He had used a fake name for the album to be safe but he couldn't help that him and his brother looked fairly similar nor the fact that every restaurant and bar within a 5 mile radius knew them.

Genji was so lost in thought that he didn't notice when someone was calling him. When a hand was placed on his shoulder, he grabbed the limb and twisted it harshly behind the owner's back. It took a moment for the ninja to realize that the yelp of pain was Jesse's and he instantly let him go. Jesse rubbed his wrist and rolled his shoulder to ease the pain, “Jeez, darlin'. What's gotcha all wound up? Never seen ya do that ta someone.” Genji looked away from the cowboy, “I'm sorry. I'm just worried about Hanzo.” “Are ya ever not?” Jesse teased with a cheeky grin. “Are you?” Genji asked with a stern expression. Jesse's grin fell and he stared at Genji before sighing, turning his gaze to the floor and running a hand through his wet hair. McCree turned and sat on the couch, using the towel draped over his shoulders to dry his hair further, “So. What did ya find out? Is he actively avoidin' me again? Well, more than usual.” Genji nodded, “He waits until you're in the shower then rushes to grab his things and run out the door while you cannot hear him.” Jesse didn't seem to like this answer judging by the way his shoulders drop. “Do ya think he somehow heard us talkin'? Ever since I told ya about my memories, he's been avoidin' me like the plague!” Jesse said with a slight pout. Genji shook his head, “My brother may be a bit paranoid about many things but there is no way he'd suspect us enough to spy on us.” Jesse glanced at him and they sat in silence for a moment before Jesse got up and went back toward his room, “You should get back to bed. We are gonna have a late night an' I don't want ya to get tired out early on.” Genji just watched Jesse's retreating back as he walked down the hall went into his room. Genji stood for a moment longer before climbing the stairs to his room. Jesse had only been living with them for around 3 months but each day is more and more draining on Hanzo. Genji could see it in his face whenever they happened to run into each other which was becoming more and more rare. It hurt to see his brother who was once so proud and unwavering fall into such a state. Hanzo was only ever in his room or the shed. At night, Genji would sometimes hear him practicing his archery but it was always short-lived. You could hear the arrows hit the targets but eventually start to miss, clipping the targets and hitting the wall behind them. That's usually when he would stop. Genji took his hoodie off and crawled back into bed. He desperately wanted to solve this mystery and bring his brother back but didn't know how and it was killing him. Genji curled up under his covers and let his eyes slowly close. He was determined that his aniki would suffer no more.

“Cheers!” shouted the collective of people in an almost empty bar. Jesse and Genji happily chugged their drinks down with the other band members. Genji didn't know them well, even struggled to remember their names from time to time, but it was to be expected since they actually lived out of town. They all had other jobs and only saw Blackwatch as a part-time gig which neither Jesse nor Gabe seemed to mind. As long as they could record and send the audio to Gabe or Moira, everyone was happy. Genji looked around at their party. Everyone had already had a lot to drink resulting in everyone getting a little rambunctious. Gabe seemed to have already warned the staff as they ignored any complaints and turned a blind eye to anything the party did. Genji smiled, feeling much better than he did this morning. He was still worried about Hanzo but the anxiety of it all was buried under alcohol and good company. He closed his eyes and went to take another sip of his drink when his name was suddenly called. He opened his eyes just to get smacked square in the face with a beer bottle. It shattered and cut his face some. Due to the alcohol in his system, Genji's body was delayed when he tried to move out of the way. After getting hit, his legs pushed back, tipping his chair back and causing Genji to fall backward and hit his head on the table behind him. He fell to the ground and held his face as he hissed in pain. “What were you doing??” Gabe's voice cut through the initial haze that was Genji's aching head. “I was trying to do a bottle flip!!” Genji was floored; both figuratively and physically. Who the fuck tries to flip a glass beer bottle? And what kind of flip was that anyway?? It seemed more like he straight threw it at Genji. The next thing Genji knew, he felt two hands on him that were trying to help him up. Jesse had rushed over to help him up while Gabe took the band member outside to 'talk'. Genji had blood trickling down his face when he managed to get up. He had a cut on his nose and cheek from glass and a bump with a cut somewhere on his head from the table. “Yer lookin' pretty rough, darlin'. You alrigh--” Jesse had placed a hand in Genji's hair to try and find the cut but suddenly froze, staring at Genji's face with a familiar look; the same look he had given him when they first met in person. Jesse and Genji had speculated that Jesse's initial reaction to Genji was his brain trying to recall Hanzo from Genji's similarities. Genji realized that this must mean Jesse was remembering something but before he could ask, Jesse went pale and his body tensed to a point where his hands were shaking. Genji looked into his face and Jesse looked... scared? McCree took a step back, removing his hands from the ninja and staring at them. Genji glanced toward the others. Jesse's back was to them so they couldn't see the state he was in. Genji put on a smile and wrapped an arm around Jesse's back to guide him toward the bathroom, “Yes, I would greatly appreciate the help. Thank you.” He hoped he had spoke in a proper enough tone to convince the others that Jesse was just helping him get washed up so they wouldn't worry. They all knew about Jesse's lack of memories but it would still call for concern to see him like this.

Genji got them both to the single bathroom and locked the door. He turned to the cowboy who hadn't seemed to recover yet, still staring in fear at his hands. Genji frowned as thoughts arose in his mind. If Genji could trigger memories of Hanzo before, why would now be any different? Genji felt an angry storm brew inside of himself. Genji, who looked like Hanzo, was injured and bleeding from blunt force trauma. Jesse, upon seeing this, began to panic and look at his own hands despite having nothing to do with the incident. **What did he do to Hanzo. **This was the only rational conclusion his slightly inebriated brain could come to and before he knew it, he had stormed up to McCree, forcing him against the wall. Genji forced the cowboy to look at him, blood still slowly dripping down his face. Jesse's panic only got worse as he tried to maintain eye contact. He eventually began avoiding it, his hands fisting in his own shirt. Genji couldn't stop himself. This man hurt his brother and he wanted him to suffer for it. After a moment, Jesse collapsed to the floor, gripping his head as his entire body trembled. Genji stood over him and felt a pang of guilt now that his initial anger was diminishing. Jesse managed to grab the garbage can when he threw up and Genji, though hesitant at first, rub his back in a calm gesture to try and ease him back into reality. Once Jesse seemed to have a grasp on the world around him, Genji went to the sink to clean himself up to avoid triggering this again. It was an awkward silence aside from Jesse's gasps for more air as his panic fully subsided. Genji dried his face off before walking over and quietly speaking to the cowboy, feeling more guilty with each step. Whatever happened between him and Hanzo had happened many years ago with a different Jesse; he didn't deserve that. Genji squatted down next to McCree and peered into his face, “...McCree?” He was met with silence for a bit before he heard the cowboy muttering about something not being real. “Jesse? Are you okay?” Genji placed a hand on the cowboy's shoulder which tensed under his touch. Jesse took a breath and finally spoke when he could level his voice, “I... I think my head is makin' up things... Maybe it's tryin' ta fill in the gaps on its own.. I dunno.. What I just saw... There's no way that was real..” Genji didn't reply as he watched his shaky breathing, like he was going to fall apart again any second. Genji knew that now was not the time to ask and stood up, “Should we leave? I'm sure the others have had their fill of festivities.” Genji offered a hand to the cowboy but he seemed hesitant to grasp it. “I uh... I just need a moment. How boutcha go and tell Gabe we are finna head out and I'll be there in a bit.” Jesse forced a smile to Genji but it looked pathetic against the rest of his darkened features. Genji huffed but didn't say a word as he walked out into the bar again.

As he had thought, half the attendees had already left. Looks like the 'bottle flip' incident had really killed the vibe of the party since the remaining people weren't nearly as rambunctious as before. Gabe noticed Genji and rushed over to him with large strides and a deep frown on his face. Genji blinked and worried if he had done something wrong, trying to gauge Gabe's harsh expression. “Where the hell have you been??” Gabe growled and Genji swallowed. “Jesse had offered to help me wash up a bit in the restroom. Sorry for disappearing.” Genji bowed his head slightly after he spoke. Gabe stood in front of him before sighing and pulling a small medkit from his back pocket, “Let's get those cuts medicated so you don't scar. Your brother will have my head for this...” He had mumble the last bit before moving toward the chair, dragging Genji along by the arm. Genji was a bit surprised by his uttered statement and couldn't hold his tongue, “You have met Hanzo?” Gabe placed his hands on Genji's shoulders and made him sit in a chair, “Is that a problem?” “Ah.. no. I was just surprised as you had never mentioned it.” Genji's head was tilted up to face Gabe so he could clean the cuts with alcohol, “There wasn't a need to mention it. You are partly in my care now so it only makes sense I meet with your family so they know who you are around. That being said, I'm sorry this happened. I should have watched them better.” “It's alright, Gabriel. You are our manager, not our parent.” Genji smiled and it earned a chuckle out of Gabe, “It sure fuckin' feels like it, kid.” Gabe grabbed a tube of bright blue gel and gently applied some to Genji's wounds. Once he finished, he placed basic bandages over them to keep the wounds covered while the gel absorbed into his skin. “There we are. That should be healed in a few hours with the biotic gel. Now... where's that cowboy.” He grumbled and looked around for Jesse. “Jesse is still in the restroom. We were about to leave as he is unwell.” Genji said as he stood, straightening out his clothes a bit. Gabe gave him a look that, though hard to see, held flickers of concern. Genji just nodded to answer his silent question and Gabriel sighed, “Can't exactly say I'm surprised. He used to run with some bad people; the type of people who'd get drunk and into bar fights. Probably triggered a pang of a memory seeing this all go down.” Gabe removed his hat to rub his head in exasperation. His statement had caught Genji's attention once more and he couldn't help but pry, “Why did he hang out with such people? He doesn't seem like the type.” Gabe glanced at him and seemed to hesitate before replacing his beanie. He crossed his arms and leaned against the table, “...Jesse had this friend growing up. They were pretty close in middle and high school but the girl moved away in the 11th grade. Jesse was pretty upset about it for a while from what we were told. In college, the girl moved back and they began hanging out again but Jesse's parents told us that she seemed different. Jesse was out more and more until he got to the point where he wouldn't come home for days at a time. Their little group has gotten arrested for things like bar fighting or just being a public nuisance but according to some of our buddies in the force, the girl's parents were wealthy and always got the charges dropped. They even sent their butler to make sure the charges were dropped when the police tried to push for a form of punishment. He a pretty big guy from what I heard and they were surprised he fit into their car.” Gabe held his chin as he tried to recall anymore details. Genji was a bit surprised that Gabriel was telling him all this but didn't want to question it in fear of losing out on this chance to get more information, “Why did no one intervene and try and stop Jesse?” Gabe was silent as his face held a small sad smile, “That cowboy always wanted to have a career in music but I don't think anyone gave him the support he needed. Jack and I didn't get to see him much once he was a teenager due to our work piling up. From what I heard, his family didn't have much faith that he could pull off the music thing thus the reason he was pushed into college. They didn't dismiss it but they wanted him to have a backup plan. Jesse probably took it as no one believed in him so him and his friend form a band in college. I think it was called Deathlock..? No, Deadlock. That's it.” Genji took a moment to absorb the information but his thoughts were interrupted when Gabriel spoke again, “Now listen, kid. I didn't tell you all that to gossip. You are around Jesse more than I am these days so I'm only telling you so you can avoid triggering one of his attacks. It took him a long time to recover from his accident and we can't strain his brain by trying to make him remember.” Before Genji could respond, the bathroom door opened and McCree staggered out, using the wall for support at first before walking on his own to try and appear okay. As he walked past Gabe, Gabe grabbed the keys hanging out of Jesse's back pocket which made him stop and turn to him with confusion. “Genji. Can you drive?” Gabe asked, ignoring Jesse. When Genji nodded, he tossed the keys to him, “You'd better drive. Jesse's in no state and you didn't get to drink much. I'll have some sake delivered to make up for that.” Gabe turned to walk away, resting a hand on Jesse's shoulder as he did, “Feel better, niño.” They both watched Gabriel return to the remaining members of their party before turning to each other and nodding as they moved to leave.

The January night air was chilly as they made it to Jesse's truck and climbed inside. It was completely silent as they drove and Genji caught himself whenever he'd try to ask Jesse questions about his past, needing to remind himself that Jesse's answers would all be 'I dunno'. To counter this, Genji turned on the radio just to hear their song playing. The men looked at each other and smiled. Genji cranked the radio and they rolled their windows down, singing along to their own song at the top of their lungs. Genji remembered that this was his friend and a changed man. They would get down to bottom of this mystery together and Genji would forgive him. After all, Jesse McCree only wants to make amends and who is Genji to be mad at someone seeking redemption?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if these chapters are a bit weird. I'm currently getting ready to move out of state but I don't want to leave this story without an update for too long.


	10. Chapter 10

Hanzo plopped into his office chair with a sigh. It had been a while since he arrived at the office at the same time as everyone else. To be honest, he kind of missed the quiet of only the receptionist typing on her computer when he entered. Hanzo adjusted his position in his chair and sat up straight. The only reason he came in later than usual was because Genji and the cowboy hadn't returned until the early hours of the morning thus they were dead asleep when Hanzo was getting ready. Not that Hanzo was complaining as this meant he could actually eat breakfast and, for once in a long time, not feel like a visitor in his own home. Hanzo opened his laptop to check his emails when he heard his name called. He grew confused at first as no one called him by his name except-- oh. He finally caught eyes with his boss who was grinning and gesturing him to come to her office. This can't be good. Hanzo stood up, closing his laptop as he did. His co-workers were all looking at him and whispering like Hanzo was some kid who was just called to the principal's office. “_Otona ni nare yo.._” He couldn't help but mumble under his breath before walking into his boss's office.

Hanzo walked into her office as she closed the door behind him, "Please do take a seat." Her voice was cheery as always, making it hard to tell if he was actually on some sort of trouble or not. He decided to follow her words and sit in the seat in front of her desk. Her office was well kept but it was dark. She would only ever use 'natural lighting' so on overcast days like today, the room was a bit difficult to navigate. She smiled at him once he sat down. She walked around her desk and sat in the seat behind it. She placed her elbows on her desk, lacing her fingers together and resting her chin on the surface they made. Her smile grew more into a smirk and Hanzo realized he was indeed in trouble. He schooled his expression to keep it neutral and willed himself to speak up, "Is there something you need of me?--" "So, I was browsing some blogs on the internet a bit ago. I really like reading radio blogs cause they usually have some important figures with them for interviews and they tend to all take a group picture!" She had cut him off to say and it just left Hanzo confused. She noticed his confusion and grinned before speaking again, "Hanzo, sweetie. You've been very busy as my main editor and I think you need a break." Hanzo paled a bit. Was he being let go? Did he do something wrong again? He had always tried to be a model employee. He was about to say something but was, again, cut off, "So. Instead of editing, I want you to write an article." Hanzo blinked and took a moment to recover from the sudden halt of his train of thought. He.. wasn't being fired? Despite his best efforts, he was sure she noticed how his body relaxed. "Not to insult your judgment but why me? English is not my first language. I also do not think I am equipped to write an article for a magazine directed towards a younger audience." His boss's grin only grew like she had been waiting for such a question, "Why Hanzo, darling! Because you are the only one who can!" "What do you..." His words died on his tongue when she turned her monitor. The internet browser was opened to the website of the most popular radio station in town. There was a picture on the top of the blog and it was of Genji and the cowboy. They were in a booth with the hosts and acting as usual with their antics. Hanzo felt a pang of guilt. The post was dated yesterday morning. If Hanzo had known, he would have listened to the broadcast at least. He realized how much his relationship with Genji had suffered due to him avoiding Jesse. He was taken from his thoughts when his boss began speaking again, "Blackwatch has been a hot topic among people of many ages these days. They are pretty open about their lives but I want to know what it's REALLY like behind the scenes of their two frontrunners. Since your brother is a member, I'm sure you've met Joel Morricone as well--" "I do not know him." Hanzo said curtly and a little too quickly to be convincing. His boss grinned but dropped let it go, “I'm sure you know your brother all to well so this project is more about you learning about Joel. I want you to really dig deep and get me a report on anything and everything you can find out. Because of this, you can tell **no one** that you are writing an article. To do this, I'm going to give you 6 months. They will be holding a live show at the Summer Festival in July. I want to release this article a week before to generate some buzz; good or bad~. I will have articles emailed to you for editing but as of today, you are released of any and all office duties.” Hanzo's stomach twisted in disgust. He didn't want to do this as it meant getting close to Jesse and possibly drag his name through the mud. He looked up at her, keeping his head high and showing no signs of cowardice, “And if I refuse?” “You won't.” She said flatly. They stared at each other, both challenging the other. After what seemed like an eternity, Hanzo stood, bowing his head slightly, “I understand. Please give me a day to think on it.” She seemed happy with this, “You are dismissed.”

Hanzo walked back to his desk, his head still held high. He'd be damned if he'd let this lowly bunch see him in any state other than perfection. He put his laptop back into his bag and gathered his things. The others couldn't seem to wait until he was out the door to bad mouth him. “I always knew he'd get fired. Whatcha think it was for?” “I bet they did a random drug test and he failed!” “Yo! What if he, like, killed a man!” There was a few gasps following that last comment. While Hanzo knew many ways in which to indeed kill a man, he hasn't. Yet. Hanzo walked toward the elevator and waited for it as the celebration of Hanzo's 'firing' was in full swing. A smirk grew on his face when he heard the boss's door slam open, causing a hush to fall over the others. She began yelling at them about their work performance and making threats about firing them for their poor ratings. Hanzo hurried into the elevator so no one saw his smirk growing.

After exiting the building, Hanzo walked to a nearby coffee shop to think. He didn't want to go home and run into Jesse while his head was such a mess. Once he had his coffee, he sat in a corner booth with his laptop and pulled out some headphones. Due to the station's popularity, they keep recordings of all shows. Hanzo opened and skipped around until he found the segment with his brother and the cowboy. He listened as he drank his coffee, trying to focus on the words but failed when he realized that he was just focusing on the sound of Jesse's voice. It was so much deeper and rough than before but it still held that sweet honey-laced tone that enveloped Hanzo in a warm blanket. Hanzo let himself indulge just a bit, savoring the feeling of love for someone long gone. This wasn't the same Jesse. He didn't know Hanzo and is thus a stranger to him. Once these thoughts began, Hanzo paused the recording and just sat quietly for a moment. He finished his coffee and gave the recording one more shot, trying very hard to tune McCree out. From the recording, Hanzo found out a bit about their musical process, assuming it was true. There was also a full 3 minute segment where McCree gushed about Genji's talents which made Hanzo smile despite himself. Hanzo was taking notes on some paper while the recording continued to play. The interview ended and before Hanzo could pause it, a song began to play. He recognized it and stopped his hand from pausing it. It was one of the songs he had heard them practicing. They had played this song a lot and seemed to struggle with it for a while. Hanzo put down his pen and turned up the volume, closing his eyes and focusing on the song playing. Hanzo wasn't one for rock music but he wanted to give it a shot. At first, he was very analytical. He could pick out Genji and McCree's voices, who was playing what instrument, and he understood every word sang but he just didn't understand what the big deal was. It was just speaking in a rhythm? Hanzo rubbed his temples. Could he really pull off this article when he wasn't at all interested in music or anything of the sort? He could always make this into a callout sort of story; telling the world who 'Joel Morricone' really was but... Hanzo didn't think he could bring himself to do it. Jesse was working hard to make it big in music, even when they were dating. Hanzo turned his attention back to the timeline on his computer, staring at it for a moment before rewinding it to listen to the song again.

Hanzo snapped out of his daze when someone tapped on his shoulder. He quickly removed his headphone and looked up at the employee who had been trying to get his attention, “Umm.. sir? We are closing.” Hanzo blinked and looked at his watch. Had he really been sitting there for 8 hours? When Hanzo moved to get up, his aching body confirmed his time sitting there. How had it gotten so late? He began to gather his things and noticed something odd on his notes. He had ended up doodling on his paper. It was a male figure standing tall over the fallen with the words 'I was Alive' circling it. Hanzo realized that was the name of the song he was listening to for the past 8 hours. Not knowing how to process this nor wanting to burden the staff with his lingering presence, he shoved everything in his bag and tossed his garbage, “My apologies. Have a good night.” Hanzo quickly left and walked toward home. It was 6pm now and the streets were packed with people which meant Hanzo got to people watch as he walked. It was always a good way to bring up nostalgia between himself and Genji and it would often lift his spirits after a hard day's work. Tonight, however, a different type of people caught his eye; **couples**. There were many young couples walking along the streets, acting so much in love and just rubbing it in the face of everyone else. Hanzo averted his eyes and just hurried home.

Hanzo unlocked the door after a moment of hesitation as he noticed McCree's truck still in their driveway. Judging by the snow, he had not left all day which was a bit odd. Perhaps he was taking the day off? Was he ill? Hanzo shook the thought from his head as he entered his home. “_tadaima--_” Hanzo quickly quieted himself when he heard talking. He removed his shoes silently and left his bag at the entrance before sneaking into the living room to hear a bit better. The voices obviously belonged to Genji and the cowboy but their tones seemed off. Hanzo stood against the wall and listened. Genji seemed to be in the hallway outside McCree's room and McCree was calling through his door? How peculiar. “You've been in you room all day and you haven't eaten anything! Can't you at least come to the door instead of yelling at me through it?" Genji sounded an odd mix of worried and annoyed. After a moment and an abundance of thumps, McCree's door creaked open. From where Hanzo was standing he couldn't see McCree but Genji's expression seemed to deepen with worry, “Jeez... are you really okay, Jesse?” “Yeah, darlin' How many times do I gotta say it? I'm jus tired is all.” Jesse's voice was hoarse. If he was hungover from last night he would have surely recovered by now. Just what was going on? Genji let out a sigh, “I'll take your word for it I guess. Just text me if you need anything and try to eat something, okay?” Judging by Genji's body language, he had only gotten a nod before McCree closed the door again. Genji stood there for a moment with slumped shoulders before turning to climb the stairs. Hanzo had ducked back behind the corner so he wouldn't be seen. Once in the clear, he quietly wander into the living room openly. So McCree **was** feeling unwell and hadn't been eating. This will not stand. Such unhealthy habits will drag Genji down and Hanzo was not going to allow such a thing.

When Genji began to practice his drums upstairs, Hanzo went into the kitchen. He retied his hair in a bun and put on an apron to prevent his work clothes from getting dirty. In such a case as this, Hanzo would normally prepare Okayu but he wasn't sure if McCree's state was an actual illness or not. He decided the flavor was too plain and decided on ole reliable, Miso soup. It had always been a comfort food for Hanzo to a point where he'd make it at crazy hours in the morning after having a bout of nightmares. Hanzo got to work and made sure to make about 5 servings worth as Genji and McCree tend to be big eaters. Before making the soup, Hanzo had turned on the rice maker also with 5 servings worth. It had been so long since Hanzo cooked. His cuts were a bit sloppy and he'd nick himself on occasion but nothing a bandage couldn't cover. He was careful when preparing the rest of the soup, tasting it many times to make sure the taste was right.

Hanzo had a bowl of soup and a bowl of rice on a tray. He left the remaining soup and rice on the keep warm setting before lifting the tray and walking toward Jesse's room. His cuts began to sting from the vegetable juices that had seeped in but he ignored them. Hanzo stood in front of McCree's door and shifted the tray to one hand as he knocked with the other. When he was met with silence, he knocked again. “What do ya want now, Genji?” Jesse sounded annoyed but he didn't seem to be getting up. Hanzo's brows furrowed and this time pounded on the door. He heard stomps toward the door before it was swung open, “Now see here--! ...Oh.” They both stared at each other in surprise. Jesse was indeed in rough shape. His hair and beard were a mess and he had dark bags under swollen red eyes. He hadn't showered yet either and still smelled of a bar with the slightest hint of something bile and unpleasant. Jesse scratched the back of his head, “Um... Hey Hanzo... I didn't uh...” McCree was averting his eyes. Hanzo took the tray in both hands and held it to McCree who gave him another confused look. “You must eat. I believe it is common courtesy to eat food prepared for you.” Jesse pouted a bit, “Did Genji put ya up to this? I ain't hungry--” “So all my efforts will go to waste then?” Hanzo's comment made Jesse halt. His eyes glanced at his hands and noticed the bandages. He took the tray in one hand and one of Hanzo's hand in another, “What happened?” Hanzo felt his cheeks warm up a bit as he glanced away, “I was distracted. Nothing major.” He moved to pull his hand away but Jesse's grip was firm yet gentle. McCree brought Hanzo hand to his mouth and he placed a gentle kiss on his knuckles. “Thank ya, darlin. I'll be sure to eat it all. Just leave the dishes ta me and go disinfect these cuts so they dun scar.” McCree dropped the dazed Hanzo's hand and closed his door to eat. Hanzo stood there as a wave of emotion caused his brain to short-circuit. The only thing to break his daze was when he heard his brother call his name from the stairs. Hanzo whipped his head around to meet his brother's gaze just to be met with his trademark shit-eating grin, “What are you doing in front of Jesse's room~?” Hanzo cleared his throat, ignoring his pink cheeks and hoping they'd fade quickly, “I was bringing him dinner. Come. I have prepared some for us as well.” Hanzo walked back to the kitchen with an eager Genji on his heels.


	11. Chapter 11

Jesse was sitting on the back porch with a cigar in his mouth. His arms were crossed and brows furrowed as he pouted. He watched the movement of a lone figure inside the shed through the only window. Hanzo hadn't gone to work all week and it was bothering not only McCree but Genji too. Genji had agreed to ask Hanzo about it later in the day but that didn't relieve McCree's unease. Did he get fired? With Hanzo's lovely resting bitch face, it is hard to tell if he is truly in a bad mood so there was no way to really know. Guess its true what they say; keep making that face and it'll stick that way. McCree exhaled his last cloud of smoke before putting out the cigar in the dirt. He stood up and stretched, not really worried about Hanzo seeing him out there. Hanzo knew he usually smoked with his morning coffee on the back porch which made his behavior even more peculiar. Hanzo, who had been hiding in his room whenever Jesse was awake, was actually out of his lair. Jesse couldn't help but sigh as he ran a hand down his face. “Must you smoke so much near my home?” The voice made Jesse jump and he quickly looked up to see Hanzo, arms crossed with an all too familiar look of annoyance. McCree didn't know how to respond and just stared at Hanzo who was showing signs of growing annoyance. Can you blame a man? Hanzo NEVER approached Jesse on his own but this is the second time he had done so in the last week. Hanzo sighed and moved to walk past him, “It is too cold to be out here for so long. Your drink is ruined.” Jesse remembered the half empty coffee beside where he was sitting. Jesse quickly scrambled to picked it up and turned to say something to Hanzo but Hanzo had already walked back to his room. Jesse heard his door close and let out a heavy sigh, “Nice one, McCree...” He ran his fingers through his hair before taking his cup inside, closing the sliding patio door behind him. After placing his mug in the sink, Jesse plopped onto the couch in the living room and pulled out his phone to browse the news and check the Blackwatch social media. Everyday they would get more and more messages from fans of all kinds. Somewhere die hard fans of 'Joel Morricore' while others became fans after the radio stations began playing their music. There was, of course, the lovely fangirls and boys who only liked them for their looks while others who actually enjoyed the music. Thankfully, there seemed to be more of the later. Jesse's mind wandered to Hanzo again. Did he like their music-- wait. Has he even heard their music? Of course he had heard them practicing but that was through a floor and a few walls. Besides, Hanzo wasn't even home when they did the final recordings but still, wouldn't he listen since it was his brother's band? Or would he not because Jesse is involved? McCree locked his phone and dropped it on his chest with a sigh. He needed to stop being so hung up about Hanzo but he just couldn't. Jesse rolled onto his side and pouted and he sunk into thought once more.

Jesse woke up to the smell of eggs and quickly sat up on the couch. It took him a moment to remember where he was and how he got there but he finally remembered that he had laid on the couch to sulk and must have fallen asleep. He stood up and stretched, hearing his body crack loudly. Who would have thought a two hour long nap on the couch could do so much damage, then again, McCree **was** in his late 30s. That qualifies for “old man” status, right? Jesse smiled at his own stupid joke for a moment before remembering his initial rush to get up. He wondered into the kitchen where Hanzo was cooking on the stove top and Genji was sitting at the island looking like a zombie as usual. It always amused Jesse that poor Genji struggled so much to get up, he'd even sometimes act like a child about being woken up. Genji was resting his face on the cold counter top, his eyes barely open. Despite this, he somehow noticed McCree and yawned before speaking with a grin, “Well look who it is. Looks like I woke up before you for once.” Jesse chuckled as he sat down next to him, “Hey now! I was up well before ya! I jus' took a nap cause I was bored!” Genji waved his hand at Jesse in a 'sure sure' manner before yawning again, “You both are crazy. Who wants to get up at 5am everyday anyway?” “People who wish to avoid a certain annoyance.” Hanzo finally chimed in though he didn't turn from the food. Genji placed a hand on his chest and feigned hurt, “You wound me, brother!” Hanzo rolled his eyes as he finished Genji's omelet and served it before quickly returning to the stove to make another. That was another odd thing from this week. Since Hanzo had been home, he insisted they all have at least one meal together and every time, he has cooked. Jesse or Genji offered to help but he refused to let them. According to Genji, being more stubborn than a mule was normal for him.

McCree noticed that this omelet was taking longer than Genji's omurice. Jesse rested his elbow on the counter, resting his chin in his hand and watching Hanzo's back as he worked. He inhaled to sigh but caught the smell of something hot and spicy. While the Shimadas have been known to eat the occasional spicy dish, they never use _jalapeños. _Jesse sat up straight and looked around at the ingredients. Hanzo had them in bowls near his person like he was keeping them hidden which just made Jesse more curious. After a bit longer, Hanzo set an omelet in front of McCree. It wasn't fluffy like Genji's but it had black beans, corn, onions, cheese, and a lovely homemade picante sauce. Jesse was sure he was going to start drooling and began chowing down instantly. Hanzo set the pan aside to cool and sat across from the other two, sipping some tea silently. When Jesse finished embarrassingly quick, he wiped his mouth with his napkin and cleared his throat before speaking, “How did ya know Southern omelets were ma favorite?” Hanzo set his tea down and looked at McCree like he had just asked the stupidest question in the world, “You are a cowboy? Do they not originate from the south?” “While you were right this time, ya can't assume 'm just like any ole cowboy!” Jesse retorted. Hanzo didn't even blink, “Am I to assume you do not enjoy riding horses or that you do not own a revolver?” The three of them fell silent for a moment. “...Well shit. Ya don't gotta call me out like that... an you keep Peacekeeper out of this!” Jesse mumbled under his breath which earned a laugh from Genji, making Jesse laugh a bit too. His eyes looked toward Hanzo in time to see a small smile on his face before he hide it behind his cup of tea. A warm smile stretched across McCree's features. In this moment, everything was peaceful.

After a bit of teasing back and forth, Genji spoke to Hanzo, “How come you didn't eat, Hanzo?” Hanzo rested his cup on the table, “I made mine first.” Genji's trademark grin grew across his face as he leaned closer, “You messed up Jesse's omelet didn't you? And then you ate it, not wanting to waste food or let Jesse see.” “Genji--” “--That's why you are drinking that tea isn't it?~” Come to think of it, Hanzo's tea didn't smell like usual. McCree looked toward Hanzo who, instead of answering, rose his cup back to his lips with his eyes closed, seeming hesitant. “Don't be foolish.” Hanzo said from behind his cup before drinking. Genji began laughing again, “Do you care that much about he sees of you?” McCree felt his heart skip a beat at Genji's statement before mentally scolding himself for being so excited about it. You can't really blame him though. Who wouldn't get excited when someone who despises you finally decides to give you a chance? He silently sipped his water to avoid saying something stupid and ruin everything. Hanzo set his cup down once more and looked at his brother, “I simply ate first as I did not know when either of you would be awake--” “Its not that big of a deal, Hanzo. I don't understand why you are dwelling on it so.~” Genji said in a mocking tone. Hanzo was getting angrier toward his brother and narrowed his eyes. Genji, however, was not dazed by his brother's expression. If anything, it made his grin grow wider. Genji sat up again, “On a more serious note, brother. Why have you been home for the past few days? I'm not complaining but what about work?” Hanzo huffed and sat up straight again as well, taking a moment before answering, “I've been put on paid leave due to overworking.” Genji's expression instantly grew worried and Jesse's quickly followed. Come to think of it, McCree didn't even know what Hanzo did for work aside the fact it was an office job. He never really bothered to ask but what kind of office job could it be that he'd get that overworked? Hanzo spoke up again, “I have been given a few assignments to work on while at home but it appears to only be about 3-4 hours of work.” Hanzo seemed a bit deflated as he spoke again, “I share your concerns. While I am happy to be home more so than the office, I feel rather restless and uneasy with so much free time.” Genji seemed to get an idea as he suddenly stood up, hands hitting the counter to grab everyone's attention, “Aniki! You should come watch us practice!” “Huh..?” the other two men said in unison. Genji happily continued, “You haven't watched me practice in a while. I've gotten much better and I want to show you!” Hanzo glanced at McCree for a moment before nodding, “You are correct. It has indeed been a moment. Very well. I will clean up here and meet you in the studio in about an hour.” Hanzo stood and collected the dishes but as soon as his back was turned, Genji pulled Jesse out of the kitchen quickly and toward Jesse's room. McCree was still in shock that Hanzo agreed despite the fact that he was dead set on acting like he didn't exist a week ago.

“This is great, Jesse!” Genji said in a loud whisper as they entered Jesse's room. “Yeah... I'm still a bit surprise ta be honest..” Jesse rubbed the back of his neck a bit. Genji gave the cowboy a big grin, “Now you just have to not screw it up!” “Gee... thanks for the remindin me...” Jesse said with a pout. Genji put a hand on Jesse's shoulder with a kind smile on his face, “It will be fine Jesse. Whatever happened between you both was in the past. I'm sure Hanzo realizes this now.” “....Yeah. Maybe.” McCree said hesitantly. Genji gave his shoulder one more pat before leaving to get ready for the day, closing the door behind himself. McCree stood in the middle of his room, eyes not really focused on anything. Did Hanzo really get over the past? Was that memory at the bar just a fabrication of his damaged mind? McCree covered his mouth as the “memory” came back to mind, instantly making him nauseous at the sight. Tan rough hands tangled in ebony locks roughly. Pale calloused hands gripping the forearms, pulling up to reduce the strain on the midnight hair. Red. Red on the hands gripping tight in the dark hair, the forearms that nails were being dug into, the pale face peeking from behind the loose strands of hair. He was speaking but it was so distant; _pleading_. His vision was blurred and his balance was set off. The taste of whiskey on his tongue and the scent of copper in his nose. His vision faded to black but he'd feel everything for a few moments longer. The sensation of fists coming in contact with something and then... nothing. McCree snapped from his daze in time to run to the restroom. He used his left hand to turn on the shower right before throwing up into the toilet. He didn't want the Shimadas to hear him. It's not real**its not real**..! Jesse tried to calm his breathing so he didn't choke on any of his breakfast. Not real, not real, not real.. Jesse would never..! He hesitated. He couldn't say for sure and that was a scary thing. He doesn't know what he was like before and he was terrified of the monster he once was or could have been. He couldn't be sure that anything anyone told him about himself was true and he couldn't even trust his own head anymore. Just who was Jesse McCree? Was he even the same person anymore? Jesse's body was heavy as he sat on the tile floor for what seemed like ages. The hot shower streaming up the room and making it harder to breathe. There was pounding on his door but it sounded so far away. His heartbeat was pounding in his ears as his panic grew more and more rampant. Perhaps this is why he didn't hear his bedroom door open, or the stomping of feet walking right to his bathroom door. Hell, he barely registered the bathroom door being opened until he realized who was at the door. Hanzo was standing there with his arms crossed, his angry expression waning at the sight of Jesse pitiful state. Jesse looked to the floor as Hanzo walked past him to turn off the shower. Hanzo walked back to the doorway and seemed to hesitate before turning to look at him again, “McCree... are you alright?” Just hearing Hanzo's concern made so many emotions flood his head and made him feel like he might explode. “Ah haha 'm fine, darlin'.” Jesse gave him a big smile, “My coffee tasted a little off this morning so it ain't sittin right but I'll be right as rain in a min!” Hanzo didn't seem convinced and continued to ask questions. 'Do you need medicine?' 'Do you want me to call Gabriel?' 'Do you need to visit the doctor?' Hanzo's persistence was annoying but not as annoying as this growing guilt Jesse was feeling. Hanzo shouldn't be concerned over trash like him. McCree grit his teeth and stood up, frustrated beyond belief with his own internal conflict. “I said... **I'm. Fine.**” McCree had said it way louder than he meant to but before he could apologize, he saw it. For a brief moment, Hanzo's face was clouded with fear and hurt. It was very quickly cover by a schooled angry expression.“Very well.” was all Hanzo mumbled out before quickly leaving. Jesse wanted to chase after him but vertigo quickly set in resulting in McCree sliding down the door frame back to the floor. It was real... that memory was real... wasn't it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not posting an update! I was moving out of state and just recently got my computer back online.


	12. Chapter 12

Hanzo had bolted straight for his room, slamming the door and sliding down it. His heart was racing as he hugged his knees and tried to steady his breathing to calm down. Flashbacks to a time long forgotten were playing in his head like some kind of movie with no off switch. The bruises. The cuts. The lies to others. The thought of them all made Hanzo shiver and bite his lip. He felt anger welling up inside him beside his panic. The thought he let something like... that happen to him was so unbecoming! How foolish could he be?! He let out a long breath that he realized he was holding in. Who was he kidding? He didn't have a right to be mad since he was to one who stayed. Besides, he was so loving and kind... most of the time. Hanzo shook his head hard enough to make himself a bit dizzy and stood up. No, this will not do. He was not going to stay in his room and wallow. He promised Genji that he'd watch them practice!... However... that does involve seeing McCree again. He felt himself deflate a little. Could he really write this article properly? He honestly didn't want to do it at all but he didn't want to lose his job either. After a couple deep breaths, Hanzo opened his door and walked upstairs to the studio. It was a shame they didn't have a basement as it would be better to keep the sound muffled but its too late for such things now. Hanzo walked quickly to the end of the hall to the studio, swinging the door open and praying his brother was already there.

  
  


“Hanzo? I thought you said an hour?” Genji looked up from his bass that he was fiddling with. Hanzo felt his body relax as he willed himself to enter the room, “Due to the cowboy using all the hot water, I cannot do the dishes.” Hanzo moved to sit on the couch, “You do not need to mind me. I merely did not wish to wait downstairs for the cowboy to be ready.” Hanzo pulled out his phone and began scrolling through it. Genji smiled a bit before returning to his instruments. Hanzo looked up Blackwatch and found their official Twitter. Maybe he could use it to get a bit more info for his article but, who operated the social media? Hanzo glanced at his brother who was humming a song as he worked. How could he ask him without being too suspicious? He thought for a moment before calling out to him, “Genji. I just received a message from my boss to check a 'Twitter' for updates for an article about something. What's a 'Twitter'?” Hanzo's eyebrow twitched in annoyance when his brother laughed but at the sake of his own pride, Genji explained, “Twitter is a social media like a lot of other sites. Its just one of the more popular ones and many brands have official accounts including Blackwatch!”

“Oh? And who operates on your behalf for your 'Twitter'?”

“Jesse actually manages it. He tends to check it in the morning with his coffee since I'm never awake to 'entertain' him.”

“I see...” Was all Hanzo responded with, having his answer. He scrolled through a few posts, reading quickly as he did when Genji suddenly appeared over his shoulder. Hanzo jumped to the other side of the couch and hid his phone screen from his grinning brother, “Why are you hiding, Hanzo?~ Something you don't want me to see?” Hanzo felt his cheeks warm up a bit and cursed himself under his breath, “No. It is only for work.” Genji's eyes narrowed and his expression was eerily similar to an image of a cat surrounded by knives that he had shown him. “Do you got a secret looooover?~” “What? But of course I do--” The door to the studio swung open and McCree entered, looking at the other two with an odd expression. He was smiling but something slightly... off in those amber pools that were his eyes. He walked over and leaned on the couch near Hanzo, making Hanzo curl up a bit closer to himself, “So ya got yerself a lil boytoy?” Hanzo felt his stomach twist as he tried to front his anger of being accused of such a thing rather than any other emotion in his head currently, “...No. I am trying to work. I do not have time for such things.” McCree snapped out of... whatever daze he was in and his kind eyes returned. He seemed a bit confused and embarrassed. What just happened? They both looked at each other and a heavy silence weighed on the room. It dragged on forever before Genji called over from the equipment to get Jesse's help. McCree rushed over, seemingly wanting an escape as bad as Hanzo did. This was going to be more difficult than he originally thought.

  
  


After about 15 minutes, they were ready to begin. Hanzo sat up straight and faced them, folding his hands in his lap to give them his undivided attention. McCree seemed hesitant which was odd for a country star who had been on stages multiple times. Their eyes met for a moment and McCree quickly looked away which confused Hanzo. Why was he avoiding him? Was it because of what happened?Genji began playing the bass and Hanzo pushed all thoughts away, focusing on Genji's playing. He closed his eyes and tried to bury himself in the music like he had at the cafe a week ago. He was struggling at first but once a second melody began, he felt himself drifting. The soft melodies intertwined creating a wonderful harmony. Hanzo's body relaxed against the couch as he listened silently. It was a strange and foreign feeling but a welcomed one. They kept the beat at a relaxed pace probably because they saw Hanzo's reaction. After a bit, the melody would repeat but Hanzo didn't care. He wished he could listen or and over again.

  
  


When Hanzo's consciousness returned, it was strangely silent. He quickly opened his eyes only to be met with an empty room that was illuminated by the setting sun. Hanzo rolled onto his side on the couch; when had he dozed off? He felt terribly guilty to have done that to Genji and would have to apologize later...later... Hanzo tried to get up but the fabric on him made him so comfortable that he couldn't bring himself to move. It smelled of pine and smoke and while Hanzo didn't particularly like the smell of smoke, this scent was pleasant to him. He nuzzled into the cover more, covering even half his face with it. The texture was new as it didn't match the fleece blankets they had in the house. He tried to inspect it but couldn't make much out due to the low light. Hanzo shrugged and submitted to snuggling into it more. The scent of the cloth brought memories but none that Hanzo could exactly remember; just the warm pleasant feeling of them. He let himself get lost in them and decided another nap like this wouldn't hurt.

  
  


Hanzo awoke again just 30 minutes later-- well.. he wasn't actually asleep. He was just drifting between consciousness and letting himself relax in the scent and warmth of the cloth. He wanted to stay there longer but he was pulled to reality when he heard approaching footsteps. Should he pretend to be asleep? No, it was already late enough and he had no reason to do so. The door to the studio opened, letting the light from the hallway pour in. Hanzo squinted his eyes before he buried them in the blanket for a moment to hide them from the bright contrast. The footsteps entered the room and walked over; they were light footed so it must be Genji. McCree is so loud when he moves that its amazing anyone can sleep with him around. Hanzo moved the blanket, acting more like he had just woken up. “_Well hello sleeping beauty!_” His brother teased which Hanzo had expected as he sat up to rub the sleep from his eyes. Hanzo rarely took naps so not only was it odd for him to take one but to attempt another right after. Hanzo gave his brother a half-assed glare, being too tired, or rather too relaxed, to actually bring himself to be angry. “_You slept for a long time, Aniki. Have you not been sleeping well?_” His brother asked with mild concern. Hanzo just shrugged as he had never slept well. Night mares usually wake him up in about 4 hours and that was it for the night. Genji huffed a sigh, “_Either way, I'm happy you got some rest. Sorry we could only cover you with Jesse's serape. We didn't want to risk disturbing you by walking around so much and Jesse had left his serape in here._” Genji's words caught Hanzo's attention, making him wake up fully to look at the cloth in his hands. It was indeed McCree's serape. Hanzo's cheeks warmed and he quickly pushed it off, trying to seem natural about it and hoping that Genji couldn't see his blush in the low light. “_Anyway Aniki, come downstairs! We made dinner!_” Hanzo blinked at his brother, a bit surprised but also wary as while his brother could indeed cook, it was usually something quick or frozen. Genji seemed to recognize the silent question and laughed, “_Don't look at me like that, Aniki. I can actually cook when I try.”_ Hanzo just rose his eyebrows, appearing doubtful which made Genji pout a bit,”_Come on Aniki! Give me some credit!_” Hanzo rose a hand to his mouth to hide his smile that was growing across his face. It wasn't often he got to tease his brother to the point of getting flustered but it was always a nice treat. Genji seemed to notice which made him pout more. He grabbed Hanzo's wrist and pulled him to the kitchen in a huff which made Hanzo let out a chuckle.

  
  


In the kitchen, McCree was the one cooking when they entered. Hanzo side-eyed his brother with a smirk. Genji's cheeks puffed up a bit in his pout, “_He was just watching it for me!_” Hanzo waved him off and moved to sit down as McCree laughed at their interaction. Genji walked over to assist McCree who pat his shoulder to try and cheer up the pouting ninja. The smell of well seasoned chicken filled the air and it made Hanzo realize how hungry he was since the last he had eaten was 6am and it was currently 6pm. Hanzo rested his chin on his hand, staring into space before glancing as McCree's back. Judging by their interactions, McCree was the one who made dinner and Genji was just assisting which was to be expected since this food did not smell of anything they had eaten before. McCree stopped for a moment and turned to look over at Hanzo but Hanzo quickly stared into space again to avoid the awkward eye contact. They should.. probably talk about this morning. Hanzo sighed to himself as he remembered this morning. He annoyed someone who was suffering and got yelled at and got fucking scared by it enough to run away like a child? It was humiliating. McCree didn't remember their past so his yelling had nothing behind it but frustration. Hanzo continued to ponder about what had happened this morning. Was that an attack of some kind? Perhaps an anxiety attack? Genji had mentioned the McCree attacks of some kind from his brain damage. Hanzo pulled out his phone and searched symptoms of anxiety attacks. After reading a bit, he deduced that McCree was indeed having a panic or anxiety attack earlier thus his lashing out was completely involuntary. Hanzo was put at ease by this as he continued to read the article. He wasn't happy McCree had had an anxiety attack, he was relieved that he didn't upset him with his concern. At the bottom of the article there was a section titled 'Helping a Loved One through a Panic Attack'. Hanzo grew curious and continued reading. According to this, he was doing it half right but you also have to be calming and speak slowly. Hanzo felt a pang of guilt that he had made the attack worse for Jesse as he stole a glance at the now laughing cowboy. He returned to his phone and searched again for ways to help someone in panic or anxiety attacks. McCree had looked so scared and miserable that it honestly caught Hanzo off guard. He didn't know how to deal with it but he couldn't bring himself not to try at least. While, sure, this time he accidentally made it worse, he was determined to rectify that mistake.

  
  


His reading was interrupted by his brother who was saying his name over and over until he looked at him. Hanzo glared at his annoyance of a brother but the ninja just grinned before setting a plate in front of him. Hanzo blinked and silently stared at his food. It looked amazing. The chicken breast was coated in a variety of seasonings but it also wasn't overcooked and dry. There was homemade mashed potatoes and serving of creamy green beans. Hanzo looked up to the other two who were looking at him with big smiles. “You look so surprised, brother. Is it really this much of shock for you?~” Genji began. “Considering your culinary skills, yes.” Hanzo retorted which made Genji pout a bit again. This did mean however, that this was made mostly by McCree. Hanzo glanced up at the cowboy who gave him a bright smile and a hat tip, “We wanted to do somethin nice fer ya. Ya work so hard all the time an all so I asked Jack for a recipe of some American food. I figure it would be a nice change a pace.” Jesse seemed a bit nervous which was to be expected all things considered. Hanzo looked at his plate before moving to take a bit of the chicken. It was good; really good. It wasn't spicy at all like the last dish McCree had made for them but it was still so flavorful. Hanzo found himself taking another large bite which seemed to satisfy the other two as they went to get their own food and sit down. Genji set some tea in front of Hanzo which he thanked him for with a slight bow of his head. The three of them ate silently for a bit before Genji decided to open his big mouth once again. He leaned a bit closer to Hanzo and tried to whisper, “_Soooo~ Do you like it, Aniki_?” Hanzo blushed softly but before he could answer, McCree choked on his drink and coughed for a bit to clear his airways. “Wh-whasat bout a hickey??” He managed to proclaim between coughs. The Shimadas both held confusion on there faces, glancing at each other before looking back to the cowboy, “What?” “You said somethin' about a hickey to Hanzo an' he blushed!” Again, the Shimadas glanced at each other but this time they figured out what had happened, recollection gracing both their features before turning back to the cowboy. “I was speaking Japanese, Jesse. I called Hanzo 'Aniki'.” Genji said, trying not to laugh at Jesse's face. “Oh...” Jesse sat up straight again and rubbed the back of his neck, “Ma bad..” There was silence for a moment before they began laughing about it. Hanzo even found himself chuckling to the silliness of the situation. “Whats that mean anyways? The Aniki thin'.” Jesse had asked once their laughter had died down. Genji happily answered, “Its a Japanese term for an older brother but its informal so I guess it would be like calling a brother 'bro' or calling a sister 'sis'.” McCree made an expression of understanding, seeming to understand now. “Even if I **were** to have a hickey, my hair is up most of the time and there would be no way to hide it.” Hanzo added before taking his last bite of food. McCree grinned, “But what about make-up? They make all kinds of crazy thins' nowadays.”

“It would not work on my pale complexion. That or it would require 3 very expensive products to do so and I do not see that as a necessary expense.”

“Ooooh?~ Ya had to try before?”

“...Something like that.” Hanzo quietly drank his tea as his mood began to sour. Hickies were just another form of bruise and those are things that he did try to cover. Hanzo finished his dinner in silence and washed his dishes before walking outside to his shed for some peace and a hopeful distraction.

  
  


After a while, Hanzo noticed the lights inside had been turned off and figured everyone had gone to bed. He grabbed his kiseru and walked to the porch to sit down. Usually, he'd only smoke inside the shed but with the tree cover, he couldn't watch the stars well from there. After he sat down, he searched for his lighter but couldn't find it. He sighed in defeat and was about to get up when he heard the sliding door open, “Bit of a hypocrite aren'tcha?” McCree stepped out onto the porch and lit his cigar before putting the lighter away. Hanzo huffed and stood up which seemed to surprise the cowboy but what surprised him more was when Hanzo took his cigar and used it to light his kiseru. Hanzo breathed in the smoke before breathing it out with all the tension in his body leaving with it, “I believe I specifically commented about _you_ smoking near my house.” Hanzo sat back on the porch. McCree didn't know what to say after and hovered about awkwardly which was disturbing Hanzo's peace, “Will you sit down already? Your pacing will wear a hold in the wood.” Hanzo spoke curtly before taking another breath of smoke. McCree huffed and sat down on the far side of the stairs. They were only 2 feet apart and still within arms reach of each other. Neither of them spoke as they fueled their addictions and tried to let the smoke swallow the tension in the air around them. Hanzo internally sighed and decided to get it over with, “I'm--” both men said in unison as they locked eyes. They froze unable to break the spell that the other had on them. After a while, Hanzo willed himself to look back to the yard, “I wanted to apologize about this morning. I realize I did not handle the situation adequately.” Jesse scoffed, “I didn't ask you to look after me. It ain't yer responsibility. I'm the one who's sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at ya like that...” Which that McCree took a long drag on his cigar to try and ease himself. Hanzo watched and felt himself get captivated once more, unsure about the emotions in his head. Hanzo forced himself to look back up at the sky, “I also should apologize for my treatment towards you. It was rude of me.” “Rude is a very light way to put it. Ya kinda socked me the moment ya saw me.” McCree said with a pout. “Yes... My apologies.” was all Hanzo could say. There was silence for a while before Jesse spoke, “How bout this. To make it up ta me, you answer one question. It's a yes no kinda deal. Just answer that and I'll forgive the whole beatin' the snot outta me thin'.” Hanzo looked at McCree's serious expression with surprise. What kind of question could he have in store that would let him forgive such treatment? “...Very well.” Hanzo said before smoking again. McCree took a breath before speaking, “Were we friends before..? Like before ma accident.” Hanzo felt his chest tighten as he looked into those same amber pools that always captivated him. He took a breath before answering, “No. We were not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You take~ 2 steps forward and I take~ 2 steps back and fall off a cliff!
> 
> This chapter is like a full page longer than the rest so I hope you enjoyed! Please leave a comment! It helps motivate me to keep writing this!


	13. Chapter 13

Jesse laid in bed on his back, his flesh forearm covering his eyes as a long sigh escaped him. He was just so confused. It was kinda his fault though since he asked such a stupid question. What did Hanzo mean? Were they ever lovers or did he say no **because** they were only lovers? Was every memory Jesse had just a fabrication of his own making? McCree sat up quickly to drink down his glass of whiskey that had been sitting on the night stand. Think Jesse, think. Hanzo knew you from before and he wouldn't assault a mere acquaintance. Besides, the tattoo proves that they were... close. Jesse ran a hand along his beard a bit as he sunk into his thoughts. What if Hanzo lied to prevent confusing him.. Was Hanzo that considerate? Did Hanzo actually care if McCree was suffering or not? Or was it because he was looking out for Genji?? McCree moved his hand to his hair to run his fingers through it and sigh. There was too many possibilities. Jesse grabbed his bottle of whiskey, forgoing the glass as he chug the rest of it down. He discarded the empty bottle in the bedside trash before falling back to the bed. The only reason Jesse asked if they were friends was to figure if they were in a relationship based on actual love or infatuation. Friends don't usually turn to lovers without knowing each other. If Hanzo's answer was true then that meant that they hopped instantly into a relationship which was worrisome. They might have so little in common and they were only together for sex and companionship. You know; dumb young people shit. McCree's mind went back to their first meeting. There **had** to have been some form of trust for that reaction. Jesse's vision began to blur from a stupid mix of overthinking and alcohol. McCree closed his eyes and took a moment to relax but began to drift off. Thinking about all this didn't matter now. He still had a fuck up to fix regardless.

Jesse couldn't help the sigh that escaped his lips as he walked with Genji in a shopping district. They had just finished an interview for another magazine which is fine in of itself but these were usually annoying as they often involved a small photo shoot. Genji seemed to share Jesse's exasperation with the way he tried to force a chuckle. “Hey Jesse, how about we get some lunch and do some shopping? You said you've never been over here before.” McCree gave his friend a small smile and a nod as they walked toward the street with all the restaurants. On their way there, they passed a few stores including an Asian ceramics shop. McCree froze in his tracks as he stared at the higher end store. He didn't even realize when his feet had began moving inside the store. Once the door chimed, an older man near the front counter perked up and welcomed him. Jesse didn't acknowledge him at first as he was looking around the store in an almost frantic fashion for some reason. The man asked if he was looking for something particular. Jesse was about to answer with 'I don't know' but instead, his body moved to the counter and he began speaking, “Do ya got Japanese sake sets?” The old man had a look of understanding, “Quite a few actually. Were you looking for something particular?” Jesse was so bewildered by himself that his head couldn't keep up yet he still somehow answered the man, “I'm lookin for a particular design.” The old man smiled, “Can you describe it? I will see if we have something you are looking for.” For a moment, McCree thought he had control of his body again since he had hesitated on his request but it was short-lived. Jesse asked the old man for a piece of receipt paper to try and draw the design. This was so weird; like his body was on auto-pilot and he was just along for the ride. Jesse's drawing was crude but the old man seemed to realize what he was getting at, “My. Quite the eye for quality. Give me a moment.” The man walked into a backroom leaving McCree with himself at the front. Jesse had given up on fighting this and wanted to see where this was going. The old man came back with a fancy sealed box, “You are very lucky. I received this not long ago.” The man opened the box and revealed a white sake bottle with a blue dragon carved into it that coiled around the bottle. Jesse turned his attention to the 2 sakazuki dishes that came with it. They were white with a blue scalloped pattern that looked like scales. “May I?” Jesse asked as he gestured to the cup. The old man nodded and McCree gently lifted it to inspect it. When he looked inside the dish, something seemed off. Jesse looked at the man and he seemed to know what Jesse was about to ask, “This set seems to be defective as it is missing the clan symbol inside the sakazaki. Everything else is authentic I assure you.” McCree turned to look back at the cup before setting it back inside it's case. McCree pulled out his credit card and handed it to the man, “I'll take it.” The old man smiled and nodded as he completed the transaction. The man seemed almost too happy. Just how much was this? McCree willed himself to try and stop it but part of him felt like he **needed** this set for...something.

McCree stepped outside with his very expensive purchase in a bag at his side. He moved to a nearby bench before plopping down onto it. What in the world happened in there? And why does it feel... right?? Jesse felt a flick to the back of his hat and quickly caught it before it fell. He looked up to see Genji who looked a tad annoyed, “Where did you go Jesse?? I was looking for you everywhere!” “Ah... sorry bout that, darlin'. I had to get somethin.” McCree stood up and gently lifted his bag. Genji eyed the bag suspiciously but since it didn't have a logo, he couldn't figure out what was inside. Genji let out a sigh, “We were going shopping after lunch now lets go before I leave you here to get lost.” Genji walked off with Jesse following, holding the sake set close to himself.

It didn't take long for Genji to pester Jesse about the bag and it's contents. McCree had tied the bag so Genji couldn't peak inside which probably made Genji annoyed since he was staring it down their entire meal. McCree honestly didn't know why he was hiding it or what it was for even. He doubted it was for Genji since he preferred American alcohols over sake these days. Was it maybe for Hanzo? But why this and why now? They didn't get to celebrate Christmas due to the business with the album release but why would his subconscious tell him to buy it otherwise?? Jesse groaned and let his head fall onto the table which interrupted whatever Genji was saying. “Are you alright, Jesse? You seem to be... off today.” Genji narrowed his eyes, seeming to expect the worst out of him. Jesse let out a half-hearted laugh, “I'm alright darlin'. You know those magazine interviews exhaust me.” “I suppose that's fair seeing as they were really prying for some dirt.” Genji recalled before sipping his drink. “I do think I need to go home soon though. Think I'm at ma limit. Was there a store ya wanted ta go to?” Jesse began picking up his garbage as he spoke. “Not really. If I need something, I'll take Hanzo's bike.” Genji spoke casually but Jesse was surprised, “What kinda bike?” Genji gave him a deadpan expression, “A **tricycle.** Jesse, this shopping district is 10 miles away from home. Do you really think I'd ride a normal bicycle this far?” McCree got a little embarrassed and rubbed the back of his neck, “He jus didn't seem like the type to have a motorcycle so I...” Genji grinned, “Oh no. He is. Its a reaaally nice one too. He said he developed a liking of them when he came to America.” Jesse felt his cheeks warm up a bit as he imagined Hanzo in baggy jeans and leather boots with a leather jacket. His imagination went a step further and he imagined Hanzo pulling up in front of him and taking his helmet off after a long drive, sweat dripping down his face as he shook his hair free. The next thing Jesse knew, Genji was in his face with a shit-eating grin and was calling his name. McCree felt his blush grow to a point of being plenty visible and quickly took a step back, tipping his hat down into his face some to try and hide his blush, “S-sorry. I was zonin' out a bit..”

“I'd say! I thought you were about to start moaning!”

“P-Pardon?!” Jesse's face was bright red while Genji almost fell to the ground from laughing. Jesse pouted and moved to storm off. “I was kidding!!” Genji tried to say between his laughs and rushed to catch up.

McCree pulled into the driveway and they both hopped out of the truck. Jesse had kept the bag under his legs to keep Genji out. Genji had gone inside by time Jesse closed and locked his truck. Jesse shrugged and walked toward the door but for a moment, the front of the house looked different; like an apartment front door. Jesse stopped walking, confused and blinked a few times before it looked normal again. That was weird. McCree took another step and felt light-headed for a moment but once he steadied, he felt weird. Uh oh... he was on auto-pilot again. He tried hard to get control again but his body was already walking inside. When closing the door behind himself, he accidentally slammed it which made Genji and Hanzo look up at him from the couch. “What is the meaning of this, cowman.” Hanzo half growled, obviously displeased with the slamming. McCree stared at Hanzo for a moment before his face lit up, “There ya are, Haneybee! Got somethin for ya~!” McCree happily walked over and gave the bag to Hanzo. Hanzo and Genji were both very confused but Hanzo's face held more than just confusion, “And this is...?” Jesse's grin would not lessen, “Well I missed Christmas an, more importantly, yer birthday but I wanted ta get ya somethin and since I broke this a while back, I jus figured..” Hanzo obviously tensed at Jesse's words and quickly pulled the box out of the bag. Both Genji and Hanzo stared in disbelief as Hanzo's hand ran over the Shimada clan's symbol. Hanzo wasted no time opening the box and examining each piece of the set. When they noticed the missing symbol inside the cups, Genji was first to speak up, “What the? The twin dragons are missing. Is it fake?” Hanzo seemed to still be in disbelief and his voice was quiet, “No. Only the Shimada have this level of craftsmanship for this design. It must have been forgotten.” Jesse, still in an oddly cheery mood, spoke again, “Ain't that a good thin? Yous were upset with ya dad and yer family anyway, yeah?” Hanzo stared up and McCree in disbelief, “Jesse... How did you..?” Before McCree could answer, he stumbled and had become light-headed again. He used the wall for support and placed a hand over his eyes to steady himself. Hanzo stood, “Jesse. How did you know about this?” Jesse looked back at them both, confusion also on his face, “I uhh... I dunno... I think part of ma head remembered somethin..? But what?” Hanzo hesitated before sitting down and examining the set once more, “...Long ago, you broke my sake set that looked just like this. It was made exclusively by my family and, due to my feud with my father, I did not bother to get it replaced. The Shimada Clan has since disappeared into obscurity and I would like to know where you found this.” Jesse rubbed that back of his neck, “Me and Genji were walkin in that outside shopping mall a ways away from here when suddenly, ma body froze an I lost control of it. 'I' walked into an Asian pottery shop an **asked** the shopkeep fer it. Like, I couldn't describe it but I drew it and he recognized it! He brought it out and I jus gave 'im my card, no questions asked. I didn't regain control til I was outside again... Even when I was in control, I couldn't return it or let Genji see cause it felt... personal.” There was an awkward silence between them all that dragged on too long before Hanzo stood, holding the closed case close to himself, “I appreciate this, Jesse. This was most likely not cheap.” Hanzo quickly went to his room with the case in hand. Both men waited for Hanzo's door to close before looking at each other. There was confused disbelief in both their faces but Genji was the one to break the silence in a hush voice, “Dude... What the actual fuck.” McCree let out a breath he seemed to have been holding and slid down the wall. He removed his hat to run a hand though his hair, “I have no fuckin idea... There was no migraine or pain at all. I don't even remember the incident Hanzo was talkin about...” Genji got up and walked over to McCree, extending a hand to help him up, “You should rest just to be sure.” McCree nodded and took Genji's hand to stand again.

It was about midnight when McCree had given up on sleep. His mind had too many thoughts to give him peace. After changing back into his flannel and jeans, he remembered what Genji had said about Hanzo's bike. He assumed it was in the garage that he was never allowed to park in. upon opening the door and turning on the light, he was not only greeted to an amazing bike but a workshop for said bike. He was in awe as he looked around, doing his best not to touch anything. He was surprised Hanzo had a bike but he's blown away by the fact he does his own work on it. Jesse noticed the bike and wandered closer. It wasn't one of those cheap fancy scooters that the show-offs drive, oh no. It was a full cruiser model and a pricey one at that. Just as McCree's hand was about to make contact with the fine leather seat, someone cleared their throat behind him, “May I help you?” Jesse physically jumped away from the bike, “H-hey Hanzo! S-sorry fer not askin first.. Genji told me bout yer bike an I jus had to see it. I've always loved motorcycles, ya know? But Gabe an Jack were stern about me not touchin the thins' fer some reason...” Hanzo's glare didn't lessen and just stared at McCree for a moment before sighing and crossing his arms, “Wait here.” Jesse watched Hanzo walk back inside and just stood awkwardly in the garage, not wanting to upset him. Hanzo came back a few moments later and Jesse couldn't look away. Skinny jeans with black leather boots and a tanktop under a leather jacket that had the same symbol from the sake set on the back of it. McCree tried to speak but kept tripping over his words before looking away to try and hide his flushed cheeks. Despite the past, McCree could not deny how attractive Hanzo was and it was killing him. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Hanzo climbed onto the bike and tied his hair up into a bun. “Well?” Hanzo's voice made him jolt and he quickly looked away. “Are you coming or not?” Hanzo said with slight annoyance. McCree was confused and turned toward him once more to see Hanzo patting the spot behind himself with a cocked eyebrow. Jesse was thankful that his hat was casting a harsh shadow on his face otherwise Hanzo would clearly see how flushed his cheeks were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I legit have no excuse for delay of this except for Animal Crossing


	14. Chapter 14

Hanzo couldn't deny he was a bit... hesitant about riding with McCree. It wasn't for a lack of skill, no. Hanzo was a fairly skilled rider after many a late night just riding on empty roads. He was more worried about the feelings this would stir up. While their positions were reversed, they used to do this fairly often. Whenever one of them would be upset, they'd go for a drive up to a hill outside of town and admire the millions of stars dotting the sky. If it was overcast or raining, they'd still often go for rides if needed and Jesse would always find a way to distract them both from their troubles. Twas simple times. Hanzo dug into the back of his closet and pulled out the leather jacket he had commissioned long ago; back when he held the Shimada Clan with such high regard. The artist had made a mistake and made the size too large and while this upset him at the time, he never had it rectified as the quality was impeccable. Now that he has grown significantly in muscle mass, the jacket fits properly and has since become his designated riding jacket. It is a bit worn now but he feels that it has character. Besides, Genji praises it and Hanzo has caught him trying to wear it out a few times. That had to count for something in the style department. Hanzo chuckled at his silly string of thoughts and put the jacket on. He grabbed the keys from his dresser and returned to the garage and to a still fairly embarrassed Jesse. Hanzo had to admit that it was a bit cute seeing him so flustered. Hanzo watched Jesse's expression as he entered the garage once more and noticed his obvious staring. It took a surprising amount of effort not to smirk at the cowboy's silent praise; even more so when he began tripping over his words.

Hanzo climbed onto the bike after removing the saddlebags and began tying his hair up. He moved to start the bike but noticed Jesse hadn't moved. He called out to him and when Jesse had turned to him, he froze again, “Ah... ya sure, darlin'?” Hanzo turned forward to hide any odd expressions he may make, “No. I went through all of this extra effort merely to tease you.” Hanzo shook his head a bit as he opened the garage, “Also, do leave the cowboy hat. I will not stop if it were to fly off.” Hanzo listened to Jesse's boots as the cowboy moved to put his hat on one of the counters and walked over. McCree was hesitating and Hanzo understood why. The position they would have to ride in would be incredibly close but Hanzo knew this before offering. He wanted to thank Jesse for the sake set and this was the only way he felt he could. Hanzo sighed feeling the hesitance return, “Sit behind me with your hands on my lower stomach and your feet here.” He showed him what to do and Jesse nodded, climbing on slowly and into the position he was told. Hanzo tried his best not to tense when he felt McCree's hands on his person. The metal hand was cold but his other hand was warm and sweaty from nerves he imagined and Hanzo could plenty feel it through his thin tank top. Hanzo quickly started the bike to fill the silence that had fallen between them, letting the engine roar to life and echo around them. Hanzo knew Genji would sleep like a rock and not hear it. “Are you ready to go, McCree?” Hanzo turned to look at the other man over his shoulder. Jesse stared at him for a moment before nodding and tightening his grip slightly. Hanzo quickly turned forward to hid the small bit of warmth pooling into his cheeks. He quickly pulled out of the garage, clicking a button to close it behind him.

Hanzo didn't plan on going anywhere crazy for this drive. He felt that an easy drive around a few blocks of the neighborhood would be enough for Jesse since he has 'never ridden a bike before' which, in a way, that was true. Although Jesse was the one to get him into bikes in the first place and even taught him the maintenance, this Jesse didn't remember any of that. That thought hurt. Was it bad that Hanzo wished he could just tell McCree everything? Just try and jog his memory so they could pick up were they left off? Hanzo gritted his teeth and sped up the bike some to chase the foolish thoughts away. Even if they did work, there's no guarantee what side of Jesse would come back and Hanzo wasn't about to deal with that again. Besides, what if forcing something like that ruined McCree? Hanzo couldn't live with the guilt of something like that. Regardless, McCree of the past had set him up to fail and he can't even be sure if it was real or some kind of plot the entire time. The tattoos could have just been his way of leaving a mark on him and after Hanzo took the fall, Jesse could have gotten the one he got removed or covered. Hanzo tensed and sped up again, these thoughts refusing to leave his mind. His mind halted when he felt the pressure on his stomach turn to the warmth of arms being loosely wrapped around him and a chin half resting on his shoulder. Due to this position, Jesse was fully pressed to his back which made Hanzo's cheeks a soft shade of red when he realized. “Ya might wanna slow down there, darlin'. Dun wantcha getting' in trouble.” McCree spoke into his ear to make sure he heard him. Hanzo realized they were coming upon a stoplight and stopped safely with a sigh, “My apologies.” Hanzo felt the tension in McCree relax as he pulled away to the prior distance which, Hanzo had to admit, made him a bit sad. “Its alright, Han. Seems to me ya needed a ride yerself.” McCree seemed to speak in a way of understanding rather than teasing which drew a half smile out of Hanzo, “Hah. Perhaps so.” They waited in silence as they waited for the light. Jesse was right in that Hanzo needed time to think; time away from the house at least. Hanzo turned off his left signal and went right instead. McCree tensed at the sudden movement but remained silent.

Hanzo turned onto an old back road toward the forest, not saying a word to McCree who was trying to figure out where they were going. It was another 10 minutes of driving before Hanzo came to a stop on top the hill. He parked his bike and gave Jesse a look to hurry up and get off so he could too. McCree seemed to get the hint and quickly hopped off. Hanzo quietly got up and walked into the clearing, the moon being the only illumination in the area. Hanzo sat in the grass on the edge of the hilltop and just stared up at the sky. McCree seemed confused and concerned as he walked over but stopped in his tracks when he took in the view. Being away from the town meant that they could see the stars much more vividly, making the longer drive there worth it. Hanzo laid back, placing his hands behind his head to cushion it. It wasn't a comfortable position but it made stargazing easier. McCree sat down next to him and lit his cigar. Hanzo glanced at him to watch how the red glow of his lighter illuminated his face. He took in the wrinkles that had developed and how his appearance had matured over the years; so familiar yet so foreign. Hanzo realized he had been staring too long when Jesse cocked an eyebrow at him. Hanzo quickly turned to look back up at the sky, feeling a bit embarrassed.

After a while, Hanzo began shifting a bit. His position wasn't the most comfortable but he wasn't about to rest his head on the ground. He grumbled a bit to himself and closed his eyes for a moment to calm himself. When he did, he heard shifting from his right side to above him and then silence again. After a moment, he felt hands gently move under his head which made his eyes shoot open. He looked upward to see McCree smiling down at him sheepishly with his cigar still in his mouth, “Ya seem uncomfortable. Lemme do this as a thank you fer takin' me out 'ere.” Hanzo was going to fight him but just accepted it, being too tired to feel like fighting him. Jesse had crossed his legs and let Hanzo's neck rest where they crossed, his hair bun going between his legs to prevent pressure against Hanzo's head. Jesse was leaning back and looking at the stars as he smoked, trying to give Hanzo the most space he could. Hanzo couldn't deny that it was a comfortable position for this activity, even if it was making him a bit flustered. They stayed this way for a while but the next thing Hanzo knew, Jesse was calling his name. Hanzo sat up quickly and looked around before glaring at McCree for being woken up. McCree put up his hands in a surrender, “Hey now. I didn't wanna wake ya but you gotta drive us home and it's already been 2 hours.” Hanzo narrowed his eyes, “2 hours? Why did you not wake me sooner?” Hanzo quickly stood to dust himself off. As he was on his way back to the bike, McCree stood to do the same, “Ya seemed tired an I couldn't bring maself ta wake ya.” Hanzo huffed as he got back on the bike, fixing his hair as he waited for Jesse. He wasn't upset because he was woken up, he was upset because he let himself be comfortable around McCree enough to sleep **on** him. Its truly is a difficult task to distance yourself from someone you once called a loved one. Once Jesse got on and they got all situated, Hanzo drove them home, ready to get away from McCree. He didn't want Jesse to get the wrong idea from this. They weren't friends; acquaintances at best.

The entire ride back was silent and when Hanzo had parked, McCree quietly grabbed his hat and gave a small thank you before scurrying off to his room. Hanzo sighed, feeling a bit guilty for taking out his own frustrations on him again. Hanzo put everything away before making his way to his room. He quickly closed himself inside and began getting undressed to shower. He was about to hang up his jacket once more but the scent that lingered on it caught his attention. He didn't need to ponder what it was but he did curse himself when he felt the need to hold it to his face to breathe it in more. He still smells the same as he did back then. Hanzo left the jacket on the bed and finished changing, telling himself he'd shower in the morning. Hanzo moved the jacket to the empty side of his bed and climbed in on his usual side. What was he doing? This was so childish. Hanzo laid down fully and covered himself with a blanket before pulling the jacket to himself and holding it close. He wanted to stop but he couldn't. He needed to stop lying to himself. He had missed Jesse McCree dearly, regardless of what had happened. He should hate him with all his heart but he couldn't bring himself to do so. Hanzo had tried to date again and it never went anywhere because his heart belonged to Jesse and he didn't even know it. Hanzo's grip on the jacket tightened and he pulled the blanket up more to try and lock in the scent more. This was so shameful but comforting. What if McCree was laying in bed next to Hanzo? Hanzo looked toward the empty spot on his bed and began to imagine a shirtless and snoring McCree dead asleep next to him, his face squished against the pillow and causing him to drool a bit. Hanzo would find it endearing rather than disgusting. Hanzo smiled a bit but it quickly shifted back to a frown when the veil of imagination lifted and Hanzo remembered he was in a dark room alone, cuddling his own jacket. Hanzo's grip tightened even more as he buried his face in the jacket and tried to sleep.

It had been about 2 weeks since that night and things seemed off. Genji wasn't pestering Hanzo about that night which would mean McCree didn't tell him but Hanzo has barely seen the cowboy since that night either. In fact, it seemed like the cowboy was **avoiding** him now. There has also been a significant increase in practice and recording from the studio. Hanzo sat in his room with a scowl, unable to focus on his book that he slammed close. This behavior was all so odd but with the ongoing practice and Jesse choosing to avoid him, Hanzo had no answers. It was fairly late at night now and Hanzo could tell their practice was quieting down. Hanzo got up and entered the kitchen to make himself some dinner. He should have given up on making meals since they were too busy to eat together these days but he would still make enough food for them all and just put up the leftovers. While Hanzo was preparing some rice to eat with his leftovers, Genji entered the kitchen with a yawn. Hanzo looked up at his brother, “_Brother, what is going on? Why are you both suddenly working so much? Did something happen?_” Genji blinked at his brother, taking a moment to process the onslaught of questions, “_Did I not tell you? I'm leaving for a 2-week trip next week. My friend in Nepal has requested me._” Hanzo narrowed his eyes at his brother to hide his surprise, “_Why did you not tell me? I would not have bought so many groceries had I known._” That wasn't what Hanzo was really upset about. He was upset that he was going to be stuck in a house **alone** with McCree. Genji gave his brother a half shrug, “_I'm sorry, brother. It must have slipped my mind since we have been focusing on finishing this one song before I leave._” Hanzo went back to heating his food to distract himself a bit, “_Why is it giving you trouble?_” Genji set at the island with a sigh, “_Don't know. Jesse just isn't happy with it._” Hanzo didn't ask anymore questions as while he didn't understand music production well, he understood the feeling of being an artist; the nagging feeling that something isn't quite right with a piece. Hanzo split the food he was making and shared with his brother. It wasn't much but you shouldn't eat much before bed anyway.

Genji thanked him for the food and said goodnight as he left the kitchen. Hanzo quickly cleaned up and walked toward his room only to run into McCree as he was coming down the stairs. They made eye contact and silently stared at each other, both of them obviously wanting to say something but neither of them doing so. Eventually, Jesse broke the eye contact by pulling his hat over his eyes as he walked down the rest of the stairs. He muttered a quick goodnight as he rushed into his room and closed the door. Hanzo remained in the hallway, confused by what was going on. McCree's expression was so foreign to his features; he looked so drained and frustrated about something. Hanzo tried to shrug it off and entered his own room. Was it possible for him to assist Jesse? Sure, Hanzo was no music expert but he had listened to the first Blackwatch album quite a few times. What is Jesse was looking for a sound that they didn't play in the first album? Hanzo grabbed his phone and searched 'Joel Morricone' on Spotify. There was 5 albums on there with a few stray tracks. If Hanzo hoped to be any help, he needed to sample all the material the Jesse had knowledge playing. He couldn't deny to himself that he was a bit excited to listen to it as well as hesitant. Hanzo grabbed his headphones so that Jesse couldn't possibly hear him listening to it. If he found out, Hanzo felt he would never live it down. He laid in his bed and pressed play on the first album. Hanzo had never heard country in his life, well, not a full song intentionally. He would occasionally hear what he thought was country around town but it always sounded ridiculous so he had assumed all country music sounded like that. He was wrong. Jesse's music was calmer than those he had heard before and much less abrasive to his ears. Hanzo felt his body begin to relax but when McCree's low voice came through, Hanzo practically melted into his bed. This wasn't what he was expecting after hearing Blackwatch's first album. They were polar opposites but you could tell some of Jesse's common melodies between the albums. Hanzo tried to focus on the task at hand but he was constantly being washed away by the wondrous sound of McCree's singing voice. The next song began to play and it was a love song about some girl. Hanzo suddenly felt his chest tighten and he scowled. Who dares make Jesse feel this way other than him?!-- Hanzo paused the music, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. Was Hanzo jealous over a song that was 5 years old...? Hanzo buried his face in his pillows. Just how far had he fallen? Despite this, it didn't take long for Hanzo to turn the music back on and slip away into the music once more, letting his imagination run wild.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you guys know, I don't have anyone to proofread these for me so if there's any mistakes, I'm sorry ;u;


	15. Chapter 15

Jesse woke up at 5am on the dot. He grumbled and tried to force himself back to sleep but it obviously didn't take. Feeling groggy, McCree stood up and walked to the bathroom for a shower. He let the warm water run over him as he sunk into his thoughts. This song was driving him up a wall and--... well, he can't put all the blame on the song. His mind was elsewhere these days; leaving his mind in a sea of questions like 'Would HE like this?' or 'Is this good enough to HIM?'. Jesse let out an audible sigh as he finished showering and turned off the water. Jesse toweled off, taking an extra moment to make sure his prosthetic was dry. It was waterproof for this very reason but it was also expensive so he made sure to take care of it. When he was dry, McCree walked back into his room to get dressed but stopped when he heard sound. Hanzo was usually up at this hour but not Genji so why was the sound coming from the studio? Jesse quickly threw on his jeans and rushed upstairs, fearing someone had maybe broken in and was going through the equipment. McCree slammed the door open, startling the Shimadas who were sitting on the couch. Everyone stared at each other in confusion for a bit before Genji spoke, “....Morning Jesse. I see you are full of energy.” Jesse almost collapsed against the door frame, sliding down it to his knees, “Y'all gave me a heart attack. Thought we was gettin robbed.” Genji laughed a bit, “Hanzo is usually up around this time anyway.” Jesse glanced toward Hanzo who seemed a bit embarrassed and more so when he was caught staring as he quickly avoided eye contact. Jesse stood up once more, “Yeah. Hanzo usually but not you, Genji. What's the occasion?” Genji side-eyed his brother with a cheeky grin which made Hanzo considerably more nervous. Genji took a big breath and Hanzo looked ready to stop him, “Hanzo... wanted to see me play guitar.” There was hesitation in Hanzo before he grew flustered and yelled something to his brother in a harsh Japanese whisper all while Genji's grin would not lessen. Alright, so there's definitely more to the story. McCree cocked an eyebrow while watching the two, standing with his arms crossed. Why did Hanzo **really** wake his brother this early? Jesse cleared his throat, getting the attention of the two brothers, “Ima finish getting ready an get some coffee. You two have fun.” McCree waved as he walked off, closing the door behind himself.

Back downstairs, McCree went back to his room to get his phone and brush his hair after he finished getting dressed. It was such a weird interaction and McCree just didn't know how to process it yet. Maybe after some coffee he would be able to figure it out. He wandered into the kitchen and began brewing some coffee as he checked his twitter. Once again, his inbox was full of thirst and McCree couldn't help but feel a bit deflated. These people only cared for his appearance or stardom and he had found that out the hard way a few years back. He deleted a good chunk of the messages until he had heard the beep of the coffee finishing. Grabbing his mug, he stepped outside and set his cup down to light his cigar. He inhaled a few puffs and relaxed before drinking his coffee. Jesse's mind went back to this song. He didn't want to push it off any further as Genji was to leave the day after tomorrow, hell, he felt bad enough that he made him replay the same song for almost a week now. McCree chugged down his coffee and put out the end of his cigar on his metal arm, not like there was much left to it anyway. He tossed the butt of the cigar into the trash and put his cup in the sink when he noticed the mug Hanzo uses wasn't on the drying rack like usual. Did Hanzo not have coffee yet? Jesse opened the cupboard and his mug was untouched. The next thing Jesse knew, he was making Hanzo a cup of his sickeningly sweet coffee. Jesse didn't want Hanzo to go into some kind of caffeine withdrawal or...something. Jesse grabbed his phone and the cup before heading back up to the studio.

When he entered, they hadn't moved but this time they didn't look up from what they were doing. Jesse walked over quietly as to not disturb them, half curious what they were doing. Genji seemed to be teaching Hanzo bout specific notes and chords. Jesse was surprised since Hanzo seemed completely disinterested before but shrugged it off. “Hey darlin'. I made ya some coffee.” McCree spoke up when they had paused in their lesson. Hanzo quickly looked up, seeming surprised but thankful. He offered the cowboy a quick thank you before taking the cup and sipping it, turning his attention back to his brother. McCree watched a bit longer before shrugging and going to grab his own guitar so he could work on this god-forbidden song once more.

The next few hours flew by all too quickly and Jesse ran a hand through his hair in a fit of frustration. Nothing sounded right for this chorus and its probably one of the most important parts of a song. McCree let out a sigh mixed with a growl and sat up straight again, about to set his guitar on its stand when he noticed a hesitant Hanzo standing before him. “Uh... Hey there Hanzo..? What's up?” McCree was a bit confused since Hanzo wasn't really speaking and seemed in thought as he stared at Jesse's guitar. “May I... offer you some assistance?” Hanzo finally asked, looking back up to the cowboy with a sort of determination. Jesse was a bit stunned as he hadn't been acting exactly nice around him. Since Hanzo had been flooding his thoughts lately, Jesse had been distancing himself from him in hopes that it would make this song easier. It didn't. Jesse moved his guitar back to his lap, “Sure but how do ya expect ta help lil ole me?” Hanzo moved to sit on his knees about 3 feet in front of Jesse, “I believe I am what many call the 'control group'. I represent your fans and other such individuals.” Jesse was a bit baffled and a bit nervous. Hanzo had been occupying his thoughts all week and now he was giving him his undivided attention. McCree took a deep breath before flashing Hanzo a smile, “Anythin fer ya, darlin'!” He held his guitar proper again, playing the melody up to the point he was struggling with. It probably didn't sound good without Genji and some of the other members but he did his part. When done, Jesse looked up to Hanzo who seemed to be thinking hard about something. There was an awkward bit of silence which lead Jesse to discover that Genji had stepped out, leaving them alone. Jesse felt his heart speed up at this fact but tried to keep himself calm as he looked back at Hanzo who either hadn't noticed or didn't seem to care, “Well? Whatcha think?” Hanzo still didn't reply which was building up Jesse's anxiety. Did he hate it? Should he scrap the whole thing? Maybe he wasn't good enough to-- “McCree?” Hanzo's voice snapped Jesse out of his thoughts and he quickly looked at him again. Through his usual stoic expression, McCree picked up hints of concern and felt guilty for it. “Sorry darlin' I was zonin' out a bit.” McCree chuckled and gave Hanzo a big grin, hoping to ease his concern. The Shimada narrowed his eyes at the cowboy before speaking once more, “As I was saying, I feel as if you feel the need to keep the song fast. I noticed it in the previous album.” McCree's heart lept and he couldn't stop himself from speaking, “Ya listened to our first album?” Hanzo cocked an eyebrow at him and McCree quickly deflated, “R-right. Cause of Genji..” Jesse looked away and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly as the silence drew out between them. Hanzo eventually spoke again, “...As I was saying, you feel the need to keep the pace of the song fast. Is that because the genre?” When Hanzo asked the question, his head did the smallest tilt possible. No one would normally notice but Jesse thought it was kinda cute even though it was ridiculously minuscule. McCree quickly tried to focus when he noticed the gorgeous face he was staring at was getting a rather annoyed look on it, “Err... Maybe? 'm not really sure ta be honest..” Hanzo stood on his knees, getting closer to McCree to get his undivided attention. “Regardless, from what I have seen, you are letting this genre define your music. Let your music define the genre. I know you are plenty capable of this.” Jesse was flabbergasted and struggling to process what he was being told, “You...know? What do ya mean by that?” Hanzo's eyes narrowed and he seemed to grow more annoyed by the question as he stood. “You have been a musician for many years. This should be obvious to you.” Hanzo was quick to leave after that, leaving McCree alone in the studio. What did Hanzo mean by the fact he knew? Was it just an educated guess or... Jesse felt his heart begin to pound at the thought that maybe, just maybe, Hanzo had listened to his other works of his own accord. When Jesse was starting out, he wasn't aiming for the country genre, that's just where his music was categorized. He was just playing whatever he wanted and, hell, he got plenty of nasty messages about how his music was 'fake country' or whatever. Back then, he just didn't really care. Why does he suddenly care so much? He knew he was trying to be protective of Genji but Genji seemed plenty able to take a bit of hate. McCree looked back at his guitar and gave it a gentle strum. He chuckled and shook his head. What was he doing? Hanzo made it seem so simple yet here he was making it more complicated than a coffee boiler beatin' the devil 'round the stump. Jesse adjusted his position and began to work on the song once more with a fresh mindset.

McCree and Genji managed to finish the song in the few days before Genji had to leave. It was going to be a bit weird since the other members had already submitted their parts but Jesse wasn't worried. While Moira was a bit odd, she did know how to mix together the most unusual things. Jesse got off the phone with her as Genji collected his luggage in the living room. Jesse walked out and watched from a distance and the brothers spoke to each other in Japanese. Hanzo seemed a bit concerned but Genji was his usual easygoing self. McCree couldn't deny that he was a bit annoyed that Genji wouldn't let him drive him. The nearest international airport was about 2 hours away but Genji insisted on paying for a taxi, claiming to not want to put the strain of a 4 hour drive on Jesse. Genji noticed McCree and waved him over to them which McCree hesitantly obliged. “Did Moira receive the files okay?” Genji asked as he put his bag over his shoulder. “Ya don't gotta worry bout that stuff, darlin'. That's my job.” Jesse placed a hand on his chest acting overly confident as to pull a chuckle out of Genji which seemed to work but at the cost of annoying Hanzo it seemed. They heard the honk on a taxi outside and Genji grabbed his other bag. Hanzo pestered him with questions, confirming Genji had packed everything to which Genji responded with several yeahs before turning to Hanzo, “Aniki. I will be fine. I am not a child.” Hanzo paused and went quiet, “You are right. My apologies.” Genji walked to his brother and gave him a quick one-armed hug. The taxi honked again and Genji rushed out the door as both Hanzo and McCree waved him off. The front door slammed shut and the house was deafeningly silent. Neither of the men moved from their spots in the living room for a bit. “So uh...” Jesse scratched the back of his head, trying to come up with something, anything, to say. Hanzo quickly turned and walked toward his room, “I am going to the grocery store. If you need anything, write it on the list.” McCree quickly followed him, “Do ya want me ta drive ya? I've been itchin' ta get out of the house and this--” Hanzo interrupted him with a quick no and a door to the face. Rude. Jesse's brows furrowed as he resisted the urge to barge into his room and exclaim 'What the hell'. Instead, McCree turned and walked outside to smoke another cigar. We are finally alone. Don't screw this up so early on Jesse. Despite telling himself this, he still felt annoyed by Hanzo's treatment.

After a while, Hanzo came out from his room freshly showered and dressed for the day. Jesse was reclining against the house as he smoke with his hat tipped over his eyes. Jesse didn't acknowledge Hanzo as he watched the Shimada walk out to the 'forbidden' shed that Genji had warned him about. Hanzo entered the shed just for a moment before going back inside and into the garage. McCree heard the motorcycle roar to life well into the backyard and clearly heard Hanzo drive off. Jesse, still feeling ticked, sat up and snuffed out his cigar on his metal arm. He fixed his hat after he stood and b-lined straight for the shed. Genji hadn't told McCree anything about it other than it was Hanzo's and that it was best to avoid it. In the back of his head, Jesse knew he shouldn't do this but he was driven by curiosity and the fact Hanzo was being an ass. McCree opened the door and looked into the dim shed. He was a bit disappointed as it looked fairly like what you'd expect in a shed except the was a large ottoman under the window with an empty sake set on and the end table. There was also that weird pipe Hanzo smoked and it seemed empty. Jesse shrugged it off and continued to look around. He was being careful not to knock anything as he didn't exactly want Hanzo to know he was in there. He kinda wanted to live to see the sun tomorrow. While McCree was thinking, he lightly knocked a board covered in a cloth. Jesse quickly caught it and set it up right-- wait, this is sitting on an artist easel? McCree's curiosity was peaked as he moved the cover to reveal an amazing painting. Now, Jesse McCree was no art connoisseur but he was absolutely blown away by this gorgeous painting of a city overlook at sunset. The colors blended so beautifully over a city skyline full of people oblivious to the wonder above them. Did Hanzo really paint this? After a moment, McCree noticed more covered canvas' and began to look at them as well. Hanzo didn't seem to paint just scenery but a variety of scenes? Jesse only called them scenes as he had noticed little notes on the back of each canvas and they seemed to be referring to specific pages in books or something but the books were not specified. While looking at the art, McCree noticed a notebook crammed between them. He had already dug himself this deep so might as well continue. He opened the notebook and was immediately stunned. These weren't notes or anything, no, they were straight novels that were completely handwritten. Jesse flipped through the notebook and discovered it was filled front to back with story. McCree read the first few lines of the story, unable to stop himself:

_ ** Alone, I scourer these frostbitten mountains in search of a light-- no, a beacon of hope that I may be salvaged. My will dwindles but the thought of his face, of which has since blurred, is all I have to sustain myself. My feet have long grown numb from the hazardous travel but I will not cease; I must be redeemed. I have forsaken all for thou who has deceived me and left me to rot, a shell of the man I once was. Clutching my bow made of the slim gifts of which Mother Nature provides, I hold my breath and listen for my next prey. What will it be? A measly bird or perhaps a hungry wolf seeking the same thing as myself in these wastelands. Food has grown more scarce as the harsh winter continues to bear down upon me. I feel myself growing more and more ravenous with each kill and I fear for my sanity as I imagine fresh warm meat flooding my senses as it flows down my throat and the sense of euphoria that swiftly follows. The crunch of the sticks rings in my ears as a mother calling her children for supper. My senses like the ferocious children rushing for their next meal as I raise my bow in one swift motion to---** _

Being so engrossed in his reading, Jesse almost missed the sound of Hanzo's bike approaching the house. Panic quickly set in as he rushed to replace the paintings he had moved and rushed out of the shed. He made sure not to slam any doors so Hanzo wouldn't overhear as he made a mad dash for his room and closed the door. Jesse took a bit to catch his breath as the adrenaline in his body slowly leveled out. Wait, what was he holding? Jesse looked at his hand and the color drained from his face as he looked at the notebook that had been very deliberately hidden.


	16. Chapter 16

It had been about half a week since Genji left but to Hanzo, it felt like it had been weeks. The awkward silence of the house was almost suffocating. Hanzo could handle being alone of course, but that was the problem; he wasn't alone in the house. Despite their few and extremely brief conversations, he was always heavily aware of the other's presence even when Jesse was being silent. Part of Hanzo wants to try and speak to McCree now that they were thoroughly alone but every time he's presented with a chance, he freezes up and the conversation quickly dies leading to Hanzo walking away. Hanzo runs a hand down his face and groans as he sits up in his bed. Hanzo thought that this would be a perfect time to get some information for his article but it has proven itself to be **more** difficult without Genji. Bringing up Blackwatch would always feel odd and McCree would always seem hesitant to answer questions if Hanzo brought himself to bring one up. Hanzo got up and stormed his way to his bathroom, being in an awful mood already. He looked at himself in the mirror and narrowed his eyes at his reflection, shaming himself for his lackluster performance and inability to do this simple task. What kind of heir was he if he can't even do this? His thoughts halted as he realized what he just thought. He wasn't an heir anymore so why did it still bother him? Hanzo leaned forwarded, letting his forehead his the mirror with a soft thud. After a moment, he stood up and went to shower, hoping the water would clear his mind.

Hanzo closed the book he was writing in and sighed in dissatisfaction. This story wasn't as good as some his others but he couldn't bring himself to stop writing or to toss it. Regardless of its quality, it could always be improved upon. Hanzo stood up and went to put the notebook away but he noticed something odd. Where was the light blue notebook? Hanzo color-coded his notebooks as some of his stories would take multiple books or he'd write sequels for specific plot lines. Hanzo looked around in the chest that held the stories before ultimately giving up. He probably lost it after a night of drinking. It wouldn't be the first time and this shed was a mess so who knows where it could be. A shame though, he had actually kind of liked that one. Hanzo closed the chest and replaced the cushions so he could sit down and open his window. He lit his kiseru and took a deep inhale before looking up at the stars and releasing it to ease his tense body. A small noise from the patio door caught Hanzo's attention and he glanced over to see the cowboy walking out with a cigar in hand. He had been smoking much more often lately and part of Hanzo was a bit concerned but it was none of his business. McCree sat down hard on the step and leaned back as he took deep inhales of his cigar. Hanzo narrowed his eyes in confusion as he had never seen McCree that frantic to get nicotine into his body before. Upon closer inspection, Hanzo noticed that Jesse was fiddling with his left arm. Was there maybe something wrong with his prosthetic? Hanzo felt himself quickly growing worried but quickly bit back any urge to assist as he pulled back into his shed. Jesse was a grown man. He could handle himself and Hanzo had no reason to worry about him. Hanzo told himself this but he was still concerned deep down. When Hanzo went to look back as Jesse, his eyes met the cowboy's from across the yard. They stared for a moment before Jesse quickly got up and retreated back inside. That is how it had been since Genji left. Before, if their eyes met, Jesse would usually smile or tip his hat at least but now? Hanzo sighed as he sunk into his seat. Come to think of it... McCree had also been leaving the house a lot lately and not returning until the sun had dipped well past the horizon. Was he avoiding him again? Hanzo thought that help McCree with his song was a good idea but maybe it had the opposite effect. Though.. if he was leaving the house to avoid Hanzo, why was he always dressed nicely? Hell, he was even properly brushing his hair and even trimmed his beard-- not that Hanzo would notice such small things cause he had been watching him. No, no, it was just coincidence that he noticed. Hanzo shook away the thoughts to focus on his previous train of thought. Just what was Jesse doing? Hanzo growled to himself and stood up quickly, wanting to storm up to the cowboy to demand an explanation. Hanzo's grip on his kiseru tightened as his mind began to dip into unpleasant conclusions. Hanzo slammed his kiseru back onto the table, trying to shake his thoughts off the subject. Hanzo did not own Jesse-- they weren't even fucking dating! Why is Hanzo getting jealous?? So what if he's going out to meet someone?? It didn't matter-- Hanzo's whole body froze before he slowly fell to the floor. What was he doing? Hanzo was not dating McCree and will NOT date him again. Why did his head keep putting the idea in his head that he owned McCree?? This was all so annoying.

After another 20 minutes of angrily pacing about his shed, Hanzo decided to walk inside for the night. He wouldn't be able to write or paint in his current mindset. Upon entering the house, the house was dark which led Hanzo to believe that McCree had gone to bed. That was, however, until he heard a metallic crash from the bathroom down the hall. Without thinking, Hanzo rushed to investigate. Upon opening the door, Hanzo's eyes met McCree's. The metallic crash was a piece of Jesse's arm and seeing it made Hanzo's stomach sink slightly. Hanzo's mouth acted before he could overthink his every action again, “Are you alright, Jesse?” Hanzo picked up the part from the floor but kept his eyes on McCree who seemed fairly uncomfortable. “Yeah.. I was jus' tryin' ta clean my arm.” Hanzo looked at Jesse's arm to see where the piece had fallen from. The ring shaped piece in his hand seemed to be the cover of where McCree' metal arm met flesh. The flesh was so red and inflamed and Hanzo instantly felt his stomach twist from imagining how uncomfortable it must be for him. “Ya can jus' set that piece by the sink. I'll get to it... eventually.” Hanzo set the piece down but watched Jesse as he did. McCree was trying to use q-tips dipped in rubbing alcohol to clean around the metal and try to work under it a bit. Hanzo watched him struggle for only a moment before quickly offering to help. Saying it a bit louder than intended seemed to surprise them both. After a moment, Jesse looked toward his sore arm and let out a sigh, “I don't wanna bother ya but if you really wanna help....” McCree seemed very hesitant and understandably so. Hanzo had never touched a mechanism such as that and the scar tissue was so sensitive. Hanzo was about to withdraw his offer in fear of upsetting McCree but Jesse spoke before he could, “Fuck it. 'm glad ya offered. I can't do this on ma own an' I don't wanna have ta go to the doctor for it.” Jesse tossed the q-tip he was currently using and sat up straight from where he was sitting on the toilet to look at Hanzo. He seemed a bit embarrassed and hesitant still, “Can ya gimme a hand with this, darlin'? I know its a lot ta ask but this hurts like motherfucker...” Hanzo silently nodded and moved to sit on the side of the tub beside Jesse. Hanzo tipped a q-tip into the alcohol but hesitated on reaching for Jesse's arm. The air was heavy with nerves and neither of them seemed to want to move. Eventually, Hanzo managed to grabbed Jesse's arm and move it more into his lap. Hanzo took a moment to let Jesse get comfortable before he began cleaning. He focused on the outside and corners of the prosthetic but even with Hanzo's gentle motions, Jesse would still sharply inhale on occasion. The infection was much worse up close and the scar... Hanzo couldn't help but look at the large scarring around his arm. His arm was removed so painfully...

Jesse's voice snapped him from his thoughts, “You need ta get under it some too... Don't worry. Ya won't hurt me. I'm a big strong boy.” McCree laughed a bit, trying to lighten the heavy air around them. Hanzo's frown had turned upwards slightly at his silly comment but it immediately fell upon looking at the arm again. How Hanzo wished he could have been there for him when this had happened. He wished he could have been there to help him adjust without a limb or to help him learn to maintain this artificial one or... _something. _Hanzo's thoughts of what-ifs continued to plague him as he tried to finish with Jesse's arm. He felt bad as he had to push down on inflamed skin to get under the metal to clean. Aside from several sharp inhales, McCree didn't once tell Hanzo to stop or anything of the sort. Hanzo would stop every so often to give him a break and because of this, it took them almost an hour to finish. Near the end, Jesse seemed to have gone numb to the pain and began drifting off. It was only now that Hanzo realized how close they had been as when Jesse drifted more, his head was now resting against Hanzo's. Hanzo froze before looking over at him slightly, noticing the darker bags under his eyes. Was Jesse unable to sleep due to his arm hurting? Hanzo tried to further study his features through the messy hair. He hasn't been able to study his face up close until now. After a moment Hanzo felt his face warm up and he had to look away. He knows that some older men can look attractive but is it fair for someone who was already attractive to get more attractive?? Hanzo let out a small sigh, letting his shoulders relax a bit. Hanzo tossed the last q-tip into the trash but didn't get up. Hanzo couldn't bring himself to interrupt this moment. He closed his eyes and listened the Jesse's soft breathing, unconsciously leaning his head into his.

After about 10 minutes, Jesse jolted awake which made Hanzo jolt to an extent. McCree yawned and stretched before looking around. He was obviously not awake fully and seemed like he was about to pass out again. Hanzo stood up and washed his hands, “You should go to your room, McCree. It is unwise to sleep in such a compromising position.” It wasn't until Hanzo was drying his hands with a towel that Jesse groggily looked up at him. A stupid grin formed on the cowboy's face. Hanzo cocked an eyebrow and walked closer to him, “Did you hear me, Jesse?” After a moment of silence from the still grinning cowboy, Jesse suddenly wrapped his arms tightly around Hanzo. McCree's face was obscured in Hanzo's torso which instantly caused Hanzo's face to go pink. “Haneybeeeeeee! Where have you beeeeeen?” Jesse whined as he was nuzzling into a very confused Hanzo. This was so sudden but not entirely foreign. This was how Jesse used to... act... wait... Hanzo looked down at Jesse who seemed to notice and looked up to him with a wide grin. Hanzo's blush worsened and he tried to get Jesse off by pushing on his shoulders, “McCree. You need to got to bed.” Hanzo noticed Jesse's expression falter, “It's been a while since ya called me by ma las' name. Did I do somethin'?” Hanzo was now extremely bewildered. It felt as if he had stepped into the past. The small thought that he should take advantage of having _his_ Jesse back had crossed his mind but he quickly pushed it away. That would be disgustingly inappropriate. McCree had obviously not been sleeping right and that can really mess with someone with brain damage.

Jesse yawned and nuzzled back into Hanzo, seemingly trying to sleep again. Hanzo quickly pushed him up again which made Jesse grumble, “We are in the restroom, Mc- Jesse. If you wish to sleep, return to your room.” After a bit of protest, Jesse stood to try and leave but would seem to lose his balance. Hanzo knew, well..._hoped_, he wasn't responsible but felt bad that he was **that** tired. Hanzo quickly moved next to Jesse to support him with his body, pulling McCree's arm over his shoulders. Hanzo managed to get him to his room and got him to lie down. Hanzo sighed with relief thinking that Jesse had fallen asleep as soon as his body made contact with the bed. Hanzo watched him for a moment before moving to leave. Hanzo's arm was suddenly grabbed and he was pulled against a large warm mass. Hanzo struggled for a moment but a tight grip around his waist made him unable to get free. It took a moment for Hanzo to realize where he was but as soon as the smell of smoke hit him, he knew exactly where he was. Hanzo could hear his heart in his ears. He tried once more to get up but the arm around his waist only tightened and pulled him even closer into his chest. McCree-- no, _Jesse_. **His **Jesse, looked down at him, their eyes meeting. Even in the darkened room, Jesse's amber eyes still captivated Hanzo and Hanzo unconsciously held his breath. Jesse smiled and closed his eyes again. He spoke in a very incoherent manner due to exhaustion but Hanzo heard him loud and clear, “God... I love ya.... so much..” Hanzo felt like he was suffocating, his heart ringing in his ears. While he was recovering from the statement, Jesse had shifted and gave Hanzo a kiss on the head before fully falling asleep. Hanzo buried his face in Jesse to try and bury his pitiful attempt at trying not to cry. It has been so long since he had heard it and his broken cold heart couldn't take it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I crawl out from the rock I've been hiding under, slap this on your face and scurry away.
> 
> But in all seriousness, sorry for the huge delay. A lot has happened in my personal life but I'm doing better now so I plan on updating once more! As an apology, take some fluff/angst!


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